Shay flushed, wrenching his neck to look at Adne. “Sorry. Uh . . . okay, G chord.”

“Don’t worry; you’ll get the hang of it.” She rested her chin on his shoulder.

I followed Connor out of the dining hall, a burning knot occupying the place my stomach used to be.

“You hanging in there, kiddo?” He glanced at me as we climbed the stairs. “Pretty big changes happening in your life.”

I rolled my shoulders back, not certain how to take his question. “Why do you care?” I regretted my harsh tone, but I was still bristling from watching Adne wrap herself around Shay at the table. Plus hanging out with Connor was like riding a roller coaster: I didn’t know whether he’d be making inappropriate comments or asking thoughtful questions. The Searchers were giving me emotional whiplash.

“You know you will have to trust us . . . eventually,” he said.

I flashed my teeth at him rather than giving him a true smile. “Eventually.”

“Fair enough,” he said, pausing at the door to my room. “Sweet dreams, alpha.”

“Thanks,” I said, and pushed the door open.

I didn’t bother turning on the light; instead I collapsed on the bed and stared at the dark sky above, my mind too frantic for sleep to be a real possibility. Nonetheless, I still felt sapped, weary. But the ache was deeper than that.

I’m lonely.

Until that moment I hadn’t realized that in truth, I’d never been alone. I’d always had the pack, no matter what challenges life had thrown my way. In their absence I felt lost, utterly without purpose. I’d run from Vail to save Shay but also to save my friends. Now that choice seemed less like a solution and more like an ephemeral hope that moved further and further away from materializing.

What am I doing here?

I rolled over on the bed, burying my face in a pillow, and closed my eyes. The room was a little cold, but I didn’t bother to pull the thick down comforter over me. The uncomfortable chill that crept along my limbs further fed my disconsolate spirit. My body tensed, but I didn’t stir when I heard the door open and then quietly click shut once more. I caught the scent of sun-warmed grasses and clover. Shay’s gentle footfalls crossed the room and then paused.

“I know you’re awake, Calla.”

I sighed, flipping over to face him.

“What happened to your guitar lesson?” I sounded catty, and it only made me angrier that Adne had so easily gotten under my skin.

“I wanted to make sure you were okay.” He crawled across the bed.

I leaned away, rolling onto my back.

“You left Adne all alone? I think she was looking forward to teaching you.” I think she was looking forward to more than that.

“She had to go back to Denver,” he said. “Silas showedup with a report for her to take back to the outpost. But now that I’m here, it sounds like you’d rather I left you all alone.”

I couldn’t decide if he sounded irritated or amused, so I didn’t answer. I let my eyes wander back to the starry sky. Then the tiny, winking lights were replaced by shadow as Shay moved close to me. My breath caught when instead of stretching out beside me, he positioned his body over mine. His weight pressed me down into the mattress.

“Shay.” I was startled, but unafraid. “What are you doing?” My hands moved up to his chest and kept his torso suspended just above me.

His fingers circled my wrists, holding me down, preventing me from pushing him off.

“No more hiding behind your fear, Calla. No more running away,” he said. “You can try to tear both of my hands off if you really want to. But I am going to kiss you now.”

I swallowed as I took in the bright, confident gleam in his eye. He had no fear of me. Even through the light clasp of his fingers, I could feel the depth of his strength; it was surprising and enticing. He no longer approached me with the trepidation he’d had as a human; now he was a Guardian. And not only that, but the Scion: he would bear the Elemental Cross. A weapon the likes of which the world had never seen. He was a true warrior. My equal. Perhaps more. My lips curved in a smile when I realized that Shay’s vulnerability, which had first provoked me to save his life, had ebbed away and was replaced by iron strength that matched his fierce, unrepentant will. He no longer needed me to be his protector, but he still wanted me. The expression etched on his face was hungry, full of the need to know that I wanted him too. And I did.

I’m free now. I love him. There isn’t any reason to stop.

He released my wrists, waiting, watching me. I didn’t push him away but let my hands rest against the hard muscles of his chest. He bent toward me and I slid my arms around his neck, my fingers twining in the soft curls of his hair. Then his lips were on mine, parting them gently.

Shay’s kiss held the promise of that freedom I’d longed for. Sweet and tender like the first green shoots that push up to find the spring sun. I closed my eyes and let pure sensation wash over me. Honey and clover. Soft, warm rain filling my mouth, pouring over my body. He was brilliant sunlight that drove away winter’s chill.

His body pressed harder into mine, and I wrapped my legs around him. A low sound somewhere between a groan and a growl slipped from his throat. His kisses lingered, exploring my mouth, each caress drawing more desire from deep inside me. My hands moved along his back, feeling the strength in his shoulders, wanting to know more of him. He slid his hands beneath my shirt, stroking the bare skin of my stomach, and began to move up slowly. My blood was on fire.