I did, and I was embarrassed by how fast my heart was beating while we were just standing there. I knew he had felt it too, which only deepened that embarrassment further.

“Got it?”

I nodded. “Yeah, I think so.”

“Good. I don’t want you to have to depend on the machine.” He paused, then pulled something from his pocket. “That being said, I got you something.”

He opened his hand and revealed a small white box with a watch depicted on the packaging. It was kind of bulky, but it was pink and feminine at the same time. “What is it?”

“It’s a lot of things. It’s a heart rate monitor, a watch, and a GPS system. It can log how far you run when you run outside. It’s waterproof, so even if it’s raining, you can still wear it. And it has a voice-memo feature so you can record how you’re feeling at certain times during your workout. You can track your workouts each day and look at data that compares how many calories you burned over the weeks and months and what your average heart rate was. And you can even toggle a setting for it to coach you while you train.” He shrugged. “It’s kind of like a mini me on your wrist.”

I smiled, but my stomach was caught in a wave, dipping and surging over and over again. Rhodes was giving me a gift, and I had no idea how to react. “Wow.”

He shifted on the heels of his feet, shrugging as he ran his free hand back through his damp hair. “Yeah, I mean it’s just something I like to give my clients to help out.” He tossed it to me quickly. “Go ahead and put it on and I’ll show you how it works.”

I did as he said, but I couldn’t help the disappointment I felt when I realized it wasn’t just something he’d done for me. But why was I disappointed? He was a trainer, giving a workout-related gift to the person he was training. It made sense that he would do it for everyone.

I was overly annoyed with my emotions.

Once we’d toyed with it and figured out how it worked, we set in on the day’s training schedule. We weren’t talking much, but that was mostly because I could barely breathe, let alone talk. Rhodes went a little harder on me each day, but the crazy thing was — I was beginning to be able to handle it. In fact, I almost wanted him to push me harder. The adrenaline, the rush of endorphins, the ache in my muscles — I kind of loved all of it.

Who was I?

“Tomorrow’s our last workout before your second weigh-in on Sunday,” he told me, tossing me my water bottle as we finished up the final round of weights. “I’m going to do one of my more advanced sessions with you, if you’re up for it.”

I nodded, though in my head I was trying to figure out how it could get more intense than it already was. “Bring it.”

He almost smiled, but opened his mouth and tongued the inside of his cheek instead, staring at me amused. “You’re so going to wish you hadn’t said that. Bring your watch. I can’t wait to see how many calories we blast.” He winked before turning toward the showers and I let out a long, slow, shaky breath.

I was relieved. He didn’t bring up the night before, he didn’t ignore me or lash out at me, and if anything I’d even go as far as to say he was nice to me. I didn’t know what to think about the watch, but I decided not to dwell on it. I had two girls waiting on me to unleash their inner shopping beasts and I did not want to keep them waiting.

Packing up my bag quickly, I made my way out to the car. On my way out, I passed by several women, two of which I knew were Rhodes’ clients. I swallowed as I passed them, his words from the night before ringing loud in my ear.

“I’m not a good person, okay? I train and screw around with other people who are just as shitty as I am.”

One of the women, a tall, blue-eyed redhead, eyed me cautiously as I passed, almost as if I didn’t belong there. And I guess in a way, I didn’t. I didn’t really belong anywhere. But I was trying to figure out who I was, exactly, because I needed to know that before I could find out where to place myself. So, I held my chin up and strolled past them without cowering away.

A smile met my lips when I realized neither of the two who I knew Rhodes trained with were wearing watches like mine. Something told me Rhodes had lied.

But for once, I was okay with it.

Willow made me spill all the details when we went shopping that night, and of course she overanalyzed everything — that was her specialty, after all. She was convinced Rhodes was into me, which was the most ludicrous thing I’d ever heard. When she turned the conversation back to Mason, anger rolled through me.

All summer I had been working to get him back, but that night at the fair when he’d neglected to stick up for me, I realized I didn’t even know the guy I was fighting for anymore. So, I shifted gears. Did I still want him to see me when I dropped my weight and looked amazing? Yes. But now, it was less about getting him back and more about showing him that I could do whatever I wanted, whether he believed in me or not.

Willow co-signed.

The next day, Rhodes came through on his promise, completely murdering me in the gym. But it was worth it when I weighed in on Sunday. I had lost another eight pounds, which meant I was already down nineteen pounds in just two weeks.

It was hard for me to wrap my mind around that. It had only been two weeks, yet it felt like years. I could already feel my body changing, yet at the same time I found it hard to believe that I could have already lost almost twenty pounds. But the number on the scale didn’t lie.

Another week went by and I felt myself start to fall into a routine. Eating right was beginning to be less of a chore and more of an instinct. I still craved sweets and sodium-packed easy meals, of course, but it was easier to fight off those cravings when I knew how hard I had to work to get that same number of calories in that chocolate bar to show up on my watch.

The watch had become an obsession for me. I loved seeing my heart rate sky rocket when I was working hard and the “calories burned” number climb right along with it. Rhodes scolded me when I drained the battery in the first few days. I accidentally left the voice memo function on after I had noted how much easier I was breathing during a run and it killed the battery life. But, I was getting the hang of it, and it was by far the best gift I’d been given in years.

Rhodes and I hadn’t hung out since that night of the fair, but training with him was becoming fun. He was different with me than before, showing me a softer side. He wasn’t a tiny meowing kitten by any means, but he wasn’t the pit bull I’d become used to, either. He talked to me more and listened to my concerns, helping me see the finish line in sight when I couldn’t. He wasn’t cooking for me anymore or running into me outside of the gym, but we were falling into a comfortable zone. Trainer and client. Jedi and Padawan.