He fights me away, trying to get to Zach. “Logan.” Zach’s voice is desolate. “Logan, I’m not . . . I . . . I would never try to take your dad’s place.” His eyes are filled with fear. I don’t know what to do. I can’t believe Logan heard what I said. “I would never hurt your mom.”

I cradle him. “Zach and I . . .” I start but what the hell do I even say? We were fighting? So what? He never should have heard it like this. “I’m sorry, Lo.”

“Why did you lie about Daddy? Why did you say he killed himself? He didn’t.” Logan begins to cry. “His heart stopped!”

“His heart did stop,” I explain.

He looks at me with so much pain in his eyes. “You told me he was in Heaven. You didn’t tell me killed himself! You didn’t tell me that he didn’t want to be with us anymore.”

I take Logan’s face in my hands. “No, he loved you and wanted to be with you!”

“You’re lying,” he cries. “You made us move here. We didn’t want to come here. We wanted to stay in our home.” His tears stream as my heart breaks. “I want my dad back!”

“I know you do. I wish he never left us either.”

“You can’t say that!” he yells. “You love Zach!”

“Logan,” Zach says, touching his arm. “Your mama loved your daddy so much. She told me about how much she misses him. She told me all about what a great man he was. How he took care of you, took you to hockey games.”

“My daddy was the best!” he says with defiance.

“He had to be if he had you and Cayden.”

Logan looks away with tears falling.

“Logan,” I say with tenderness.

“He was yelling at you! Daddy never yelled at you!”

“What’s wrong?” Angie asks out of breath with Cayden’s hand in hers. She sees all of us with tears running down our faces. “Logan?”

“Tell her, Aunt Angie!” he begs. “Tell Mom that Daddy didn’t kill himself!”

Cayden’s body locks and Angie holds him close. His eyes dart to mine and Angie’s.

“Lo,” she hiccups. “It’s so much more complicated than this.”

Wyatt, Cooper, Mama, and Daddy arrive behind her.

“Mom?” Cayden asks.

“You’re all wrong!” Logan screams. “He . . . he . . . he . . .” Logan turns his head into my chest. “He wouldn’t kill himself!”

“Cayden,” I say softly with my arm open.

He charges forward and wraps his arms around me. “Why?” he asks. “Is it true?”

Angie looks at me and her lip quivers. I beg her with my eyes to say something. I can’t breathe. I feel like I’m losing everything all over again.

“You know that your daddy was my brother,” she says as she walks forward slowly, “and that I miss him every day, but sometimes things happen that we can’t explain. It’s hard and it hurts, but know how much he loved you both.”

“He loved my mom!” Logan yells.

This is so out of character for him. He’s always been the docile one. Reasonable and intuitive.

I cling to the boys as I grapple with the wounds I’ve caused. I was protecting them, or so I thought. It would’ve been hard and hurtful if I’d told them in the beginning, but maybe it would’ve been fine by now. I’ve been dying inside from carrying all of this on my own.

Angie looks at me, and her breath catches as tears pour down her face. “He did.” Her voice is low and broken. “He loved us all so much. But he was very sad, baby.”

A sob breaks from my chest. “He loved you and Cayden so much!” I pull them tight. “Never ever doubt that.”

No matter what Todd chose, I will never let them feel unloved. I wonder if he loved us so much that he couldn’t bear to witness us suffer. I think about the man he was, and how much we were the center of his world. Someone who loves that hard doesn’t choose to walk away that easily. As much as his choice destroyed things, it brought me here. It gave me my family, friends, and Zach. Todd may have broken a part of me, but he also healed a piece that was already damaged. I wish it never had to come to this.

Cayden begins to cry harder. “I don’t understand. If he loved us, how could he leave?” His voice trembles.

I think he knew once all his lies were exposed, he would’ve lost me in some way, so he let me go the only way he could. On his terms.

“Sometimes there are no answers. Sometimes we have to love that person and find comfort that he’s not suffering anymore.” I wipe the tears that fall. “He’ll always be in our hearts and our memories. That’ll never go away.”

My daddy enters the barn slowly and sinks next to me. “Do you remember what I told you boys about a daddy’s love?” They both look at their granddad and nod. “Remember I told you that the why doesn’t matter, it’s the forever?” He reaches his hand out and touches my face and then looks back at them. “Whatever your daddy’s reasons were don’t matter. What you need to remember is that he loves you forever. And he’ll live inside of you. He’s watchin’ over you, givin’ you love when you need to feel it. Like right now.”

The rest of my family comes around us.

“We all love you,” Mama says. “More than my own life.”

“But,” Logan says.

“No, son.” My father cuts him off. “There are no buts in this. He knew you boys needed the love of your family. He made sure your mama was taken care of. You may not understand it, but even from Heaven, your daddy’s lookin’ out for you. You’re hurtin’, but look around right now. You have all these people lovin’ on you.”

Cooper steps forward and drops to his knees. “No matter what happened, you’re not alone,” he says, looking at me and then the boys. “You don’t have to keep what you’re feeling inside. We’re here for you guys and your mama.”

A shattered cry falls from my lips as I break apart. I’ve held this in, letting it fester and rip my insides to shreds. I’ve let my own fears force me to suffer more than I had to. There’s no judgment in their eyes. Just unconditional love.

I look over at Zach. The man who’s been my everything for the last six months. The man who’s given me more love and compassion than anyone, yet I’ve kept things from him. I’ve possibly severed my relationship for a secret that’s seventeen years old.

“I love you,” I say to both Logan and Cayden. “I love you so much,” I say looking in Zach’s eyes.

He shakes his head and looks away.

Wyatt nudges him and tilts his head. They both stand and walk toward the door where we can’t hear them. His hand rests on Zach’s shoulder as Zach’s body slumps down. I want to call out to him, comfort him, but I don’t even know where we stand.

So much has been said.

So many hearts that need healing.

He looks over at me, nods his head, and walks out of view.

“Here,” Angie says as she hands me a cup of coffee.

“Thanks.” I scoot over on the swing and she sits. “I really screwed up.”