“So you knew for how long?”

“I only knew I was pregnant for about four weeks.”

“Four weeks!” he screams. “Do you know how many times I called you over those four weeks?” Zach steps closer. “Do you?”

I hate myself right now. Everything inside me is breaking exactly like it did all those years ago. “I was wrong, but by the time I was ready to tell you, I was bleeding!” Tears fall as I remember that day. “I lost that baby. I lost him! I called Angie, but she wasn’t there. So Todd took me to the hospital. I cried for hours as they explained what was happening. I called you that day, Zach.”

His eyes snap to mine. “When?”

“Some girl answered your phone. I called when I was sitting in that hospital bed getting ready for them to remove everything from inside of me.”

The feeling of betrayal was so strong, I vowed never to speak to him again. It wasn’t rational. I don’t know that many of our choices at eighteen were, but thinking about him and another girl was the end of my rope. My hormones and emotions were all over the place.

“I wasn’t with anyone.” He strides closer. “It took me years to even look at another girl!”

“She wasn’t the issue. It was that I needed you.” He doesn’t get it. “I called and some chick answers a month later?”

“Fucking hell, Presley! That was seventeen years ago and there was no one else.”

“Jesus!” I throw my hands in the air. “So now the seventeen years ago is fine for you, but not me?” I cry out. “You know what? I don’t care! I’m just explaining why I never called you again.”

He looks away and then back to me. “It’s bullshit! And not only that, but what does that matter? You ended things with me! You chose to walk away and be done because you didn’t want to wait the three years.”

“I didn’t think you’d move on so fast.”

“I didn’t! Maybe it was my agent who answered the phone, did you ever think about that?”

I sure as hell didn’t at the time. And I don’t care because that’s not the damn point. That was the argument we could’ve had back then. “No, but that’s not what this fight is about. I didn’t think that because I was pregnant and losing a baby.”

“How do two people remember the same thing so differently?”

“I don’t know.”

“I’m so fucking mad,” he admits.

I understand his feelings, but neither of us were perfect. If I’d told him about the baby a few months ago, what would it have done? It was a million years ago, and losing that baby was the single most lifealtering moment until Todd’s death.

“So you get drunk and show up at my house? Decide you want to yell at me? Tell me how wrong I am? You don’t think you could’ve handled this a little different?”

“I handled this wrong?” He chortles. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!”

“We both did!” I yell back. “I’m not saying I was right, but how is this helping us?”

This is the Presley and Zachary of old times. Two hot-headed and emotional people. Yes, he’s sweet and loving, but he has an angry side. When you poke the bear, he roars loud. Funny thing is that I’m the same. He’s pissed me off by coming here yelling at me.

“No, you know what’s wrong, Presley?” The rage rolls off him in waves. “Getting back to my house last night, ready to see you, and then finding out we had a baby and you’ve been lying to me for seventeen years.”

“How did you hear about this, Zachary?” Now I’m angry. He wants to be a condescending prick? I’ll go right back at him. The only person who knows is Angie, and she didn’t tell him. “Huh? Who opened your eyes to the lying bitch that I am?”

He winces slightly. “I never called you a bitch.”

“Who told you?” My voice is eerily calm. Almost sweet, but there’s nothing sweet about this.

“It’s irrelevant.”

“The hell it is!” I yell while marching toward him.

He buries his hands in his hair and moves away from me again. “I need to know why you didn’t tell me.” Zach’s anger has dissolved. The hostility that was there has morphed into disappointment. “After everything we’ve talked about, how the hell could you keep this from me?”

There are a variety of answers I could give him. My life has been a road paved with spikes and nails. I’ve plugged, patched, and replaced the tire, but the car has never ridden the same. The loss of a child isn’t a patch job.

Zach’s back is against the wall, so I walk toward him until we’re touching. “I never speak about it. Somewhere deep inside of me, it lives, but for the most part, I don’t think about it ever. You were the one man I dreamt my whole life of sharing a child with. When that dream became my worst nightmare, I became hollow.” His eyes lock on mine. “When I got back here, I was dealing with Todd’s suicide, my debt, my boys, and the last thing I wanted to do was go back to that pain too. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but honestly, I didn’t want to live in the past once we’d made the decision to start over.”

“You had no problem throwing the past in my face,” he says with frustration.

He’s right. I didn’t. “I was wrong.”

“I’ve lived with guilt for all these years from walkin’ away from the girl I loved more than anything. I’ve struggled with forgiving myself. I’ve fought every damn day to prove that I’m better for you!” He moves forward, forcing me to retreat. “I’ve given you every part of me, Presley.” His chest heaves as tears form in his own eyes. “Me! Only me! I’ve kept all your secrets! I’ve stood by your side. Held you when you’ve cried over everything that Todd put you through!”

“I didn’t ask you to keep secrets,” I scream. “So now you’re going to use Todd’s suicide against me?” I push him back. “I was leaning on you. Do you think it was easy for me to tell you that he killed himself?”

“Don’t talk about my daddy!” Logan rushes forward, pushing against Zach.

My stomach drops. I don’t know when he got here, but this wasn’t supposed to be how my son learned the truth.

This is all my fault. Secrets come to light no matter how hard we try to bury them.

“L OGAN!” I RUSH TOWARD HIM.

“That didn’t happen! My daddy would never! He loved me!” He slams his hands on Zach’s legs.

Zach crouches down and holds Logan. “Of course he loved you,” Zach says, looking at me with regret.

“You’re not allowed to yell at my mom!” He continues to thrash in his arms. “You’re not my dad!”

“I know, little man. I know I’m not. But I care about you.”

“No, you don’t! You’ll never be my dad! I hate you!”

The stitches holding together my shredded heart rip apart. Again my son is hurting. I’m so inept. I don’t know how to do this. How do I keep screwing up?

I grab Logan and pull him into my arms. “Stop! Logan, stop!”