“Are you out of the hospital then?” I asked after an uncomfortable moment of silence.

“No. I’m still here. I’ve been in the detox ward for seventy-two hours, or so they tell me. They said I can go home tomorrow.”

My heart twisted in my chest.

“You’re not going to rehab?” I asked, already knowing the answers.

“I don’t need to go to rehab to get better, Aubrey,” Maxx said defensively.

“Maxx . . . ,” I began, but he cut me off.

“I only need you,” he said with such confidence that I knew in his mind those words were one hundred percent true.

“You almost died, Maxx! You used heroin. Injected it into your damned arm! Do you know I found you barely breathing on the bathroom floor? Your heart stopped! I had to do CPR! I have never been so terrified in my entire life!” I was yelling into the phone. I needed to calm down. But I was so frustrated with him and his complete and total denial.

Maxx was quiet for a time, and I hoped that maybe he’d listen.

“I’m sorry, Aubrey. I didn’t mean for it to go that far. It was the only time I’ve ever used that shit. I didn’t know what I was doing. It won’t happen again.” How easily he excused his behavior. He still didn’t see the pattern he lived in.

“Maxx, the next time you might not wake up. The next time it could be too late. Because I won’t be there.” I had said it, the thing I knew I had to tell him but wished I didn’t.

“Don’t say that, Aubrey! Please!” I could tell he was crying. The tears started falling down my face as I heard the brokenness in his voice.

“I can’t do this without you,” he pleaded.

We cried together on the phone. I tucked my head down into my jacket, trying to get my breathing under control.

“Aubrey, I love you,” he whispered, the words catching in his throat.

“I love you, Maxx,” I choked out, my throat strangling the words as they erupted out of me. I heard Maxx’s sharp intake of breath.

It was horrible timing. Here I was, finally telling him what he wanted so badly to hear, and it came when I was planning to leave him.

“You love me,” he murmured, and I could hear the relief in his voice. I knew what he was thinking—that this made everything better, that I was giving in.

“I’ve waited so long for you to say that.” I heard the catch in Maxx’s voice. “So long.” His words cracked and broke apart.

My tears, which I thought I was long past shedding, started falling in earnest.

“I’ve wanted to say it. I really have,” I told him.

“Then why didn’t you? Why wouldn’t you tell me something so important?” he sobbed.

I scrubbed my face and rubbed away my tears. I felt the steel enter my spine as I prepared to tell him what needed to be said, the things I had been scared to share. But he had to hear them. There was no other choice to make.

“Because I knew something like this would happen, Maxx,” I bit out angrily.

“Don’t put your inability to communicate off on me! You didn’t tell me because you like to f**k with my feelings! Because you like to torture me!” he yelled in my ear.

And then he was sobbing again. “I didn’t mean that, Aubrey. I really didn’t,” he babbled.

“I can’t trust you with my love, Maxx. Those words are precious. I wanted to know that when I gave them to you, you’d take care of them. You’d cherish them. You’d return my feelings as a healthy and whole person,” I said earnestly.

Maxx took several shuddering breaths. “Then why tell me now? Why say you love me when it’s obvious you’re not sticking around? Because from where I’m sitting, that just makes you look heartless.”

His words shook me, and I tried in vain to stop myself from crying again. “Because I want you to know what you’re giving up by not going to rehab. I want you to see what I’m willing to give you. And I hope . . . I really hope that you’ll want to fight for it—to fight for yourself!”

I swallowed thickly and prepared to deliver the final blow.

“I love you so much, Maxx. I do. And that’s why I can’t watch you kill yourself. I won’t. And it’s because I love you that I’m walking away,” I said, my voice hoarse with emotion.

Maxx was silent for a long time, so long that I thought he had hung up.

“That’s bullshit, Aubrey! If you loved me, you wouldn’t leave me when I need you! Because I’ll get better. I can do this. But only if you help me!” He was using emotional blackmail. He was sinking to a low that I wasn’t sure we could crawl out of. Our relationship was toxic. It was unhealthy. It was soul-defeating.

God, what had I been doing to myself?

And even still, when I logically knew how bad he was for me, I wanted to run to him. I wanted his lies to be my truth. I wanted to believe the false promises. I wanted to pretend he wasn’t sick and that his denial wouldn’t destroy us both.

“That’s not fair,” I said finally, proud of how firm I sounded.

“What’s not fair is you abandoning me when I need you! What kind of selfish person are you? So this only works for you as long as you’re getting something out of it? Because I didn’t hear about any problems as long as you were flat on your f**king back with your legs spread open,” Maxx said nastily. I knew he was hurting, that he was lashing out, but f**k him.