But he just shakes his head, refusing to be swayed. “And now that Jude’s better—now that you’ve healed him with a trip to Summerland—I can’t help but wonder what excuse you’ll find next.”

I suck in my breath and avert my gaze, surprised to hear him answer like that, and the truth is, I have no idea how to respond, no idea what comes next. Kicking a small pebble with the toe of my shoe, unable to confide, too tired and beaten to come up with anything else.

“You know, you used to be as bright and shining here on the earth plane as you were today in Summerland.” I swallow hard and bow my head, hardly believing my ears when he goes on to say, “I know about the magick, Ever.” His voice low, almost a whisper, though the words reverberate like a scream. “I know you’re in way over your head. And I wish you’d let me help you.”

I stiffen. My whole body stiffens as my heart crashes violently against my chest.

“I know the signs—the jitteriness, the lying, the weight loss, the—diminished appearance. You’re an addict, Ever. Addicted to the dark side of magick. Jude never should’ve gotten you into this.” He shakes his head, his gaze never once leaving me. “But the sooner you admit it, the sooner I can help make you better.”

“It’s not—” I struggle to speak, but the words won’t come. The monster’s in control, dead set on blowing us apart. “Isn’t that why you went to the Great Halls of Learning? So you could help me?” I look at him, seeing the way his expression changes to one of hurt surprise. But it’s not enough to stop the beast, nope, not even close. This train is just now pulling out of the station and still has a long way to go. “So tell me, what did you see? What did the almighty akashic records share with you?”

“Nothing,” he says, voice tired, full of defeat. “I didn’t learn a thing. Apparently when the problem is of the person’s own making, access is forbidden where others are concerned. I’m banned from interfering in any way, shape, or form.” He shrugs. “It’s all part of the journey I guess. Still, one thing is clear, Ever. Last Thursday night, Roman mentioned a spell—and ever since Jude gave you that book nothing’s been the same—with you—between us—everything’s changed.” He looks at me, waiting for confirmation, but it won’t come, can’t come. “You two share a long and complicated history—and it’s quite clear he’s not over you yet. And I can’t help but feel that he’s getting in the way—that magick is getting in the way, and, Ever, it’ll destroy you if you’re not careful—I’ve seen it happen before.”

My eyes search his face, knowing he’s trying to send me an image, a message of some sort, but that strange foreign pulse is at full thrum—the dark flame burning bright—weakening my powers to where I can no longer grasp Damen’s thoughts, his energy, his tingle and heat—can’t grasp anything at all.

He moves toward me, gripping my shoulders long before I can blink, gazing into my eyes with determination and purpose, fully resolved to deal with this once and for all.

But as much as I want to, I can’t let him in, can’t let him see me like this. The revulsion he’ll see in my eyes isn’t coming from me, it’s the beast, but he won’t know the difference.

And even though it kills me to do it, even though it only proves that he’s right, that I really am dangerously and recklessly out of control, I still just shake my head and walk away, all the way to the curb where my car’s parked.

Calling over my shoulder to say, “Sorry, Damen, but you’re wrong. Dead wrong. I’m just overworked and overtired, just like I keep telling you. And if you ever feel like cutting me some slack—well, you know where to find me.”

twenty

I don’t even make it out of the gate before my car is gone, and my butt slams against the pavement so hard and fast it’s a moment before I realize it vanished right out from under me. I gaze around in a daze, trying to determine how that could’ve happened, when a speeding Mercedes comes barreling toward me, nearly running me over as its driver honks, flips me the bird, and yells a slew of obscenities my way.

Scrambling to the side, I shut my eyes tightly, determined to manifest a new car, something more powerful and quicker this time. Imagining a flaming red Lamborghini, and seeing it so clearly before me, I’m shocked to open my eyes and find its not there. And after taking a deep breath and trying again, first aiming for a Porsche, then a Miata like the one I have at home, it still doesn’t work so I try for a silver Prius like the one Munoz drives, followed by a Smart Car—but nothing comes. Nothing at all. And I’m so desperate for wheels by this point, I’ll happily settle for a scooter, but when I can’t even manifest that, I half jokingly try for a pair of Rollerblades instead. Discovering just how bad it’s gotten for me when all I end up with is a pair of white leather boots with two strips of metal where the wheels should be. And that’s when I decide to run instead. Happy to know that if nothing else, I still have my own strength and speed.

My feet pounding the asphalt, heels slamming easily, effortlessly, as I make my way along the curving, swooping hills of Coast Highway, fully intent on heading straight home only to run right past the turn and head elsewhere instead. Somewhere better. Somewhere that has everything I need—everything I could ever desire. So single-minded in my vision, so determined to reach my destination no matter the cost, I move faster, quicker, and in no time at all, I’m there.