He came back even after I made a fool of myself.

“Why does this have to be so friggin’ complicated?” I ask the beautiful sky, waiting for some divine intervention.

She huffs, “I think you need to think about what I said and tell me: are you going to screw this up?”

I look back at her and I realize it’s my choice. It’s up to me. And if Liam and I can’t make it work because of my truckload of issues, then so be it. But he’s been here, day in and day out. He cared for me when I was sick, was there when Aara was in the hospital, and put me back together when I wouldn’t acknowledge I was broken. It was Liam who mended my cracks.

“Can you watch Aarabelle? I need to take care of something.”

Reanell just sits back as if she knew this was coming and extends her hands. “I think you should go now.” She grabs Aara from me and shoos me. “Go. Run. Now.”

I grab my keys and get in the car.

Time to see if we really have a chance.

He came back.

I keep saying it over and over again because it doesn’t seem possible. Every time I think I’ve figured him out, he does something else to throw me off. I battle with what exactly I’m going to say when I do get to his house. There are a lot of things I’m dealing with, and it needs to be him who leads this relationship now. He’s what I want, but I need Liam to take the reins. My heart is mangled and it’s going to be his decision whether he wants to be the one to mend it.

His apartment is only a few miles away from mine and I wish it was further. I have no idea what to say. The words float through my mind: sorry, I wish it was different, I want you, I’m a mess. I don’t know which is true, or maybe all of them are. I am a mess. I do want him—so much. I wish that this entire situation wasn’t happening and I’m sorry this is where we are.

I park in the drive and try to collect myself. I know two things. One, I care about Liam deeply. Two, I’m going to have to process everything.

The walk to his apartment seems to take forever. It could be that I’m walking at a snail’s pace. I go to knock and he opens the door.

Liam stands there in his tight, navy blue t-shirt and dark blue jeans. His light brown beanie is on his head and he leans against the door. “Hi,” he says and looks past me.

“Hi, can I come in?” I ask hesitantly.

He opens the door and turns so I can pass him. Well, shit . . . now I have to talk.

Liam follows behind me and I look around. His apartment is modern and practically empty. The typical bachelor pad, complete with the biggest television I’ve ever seen. I stand in the middle of the room and he waves toward the couch.

“I’m surprised you’re here,” Liam says as he sits in the seat next to me.

“If I’m keeping you from something . . .”

“It’s not important.”

I tuck my hair behind my ear and try to decide where to start. “I’m going to talk and I’ll probably ramble, but I need to say it.” I look up and he nods. “I’m sorry about throwing myself at you like that. It wasn’t fair to you or to whatever we’ve been doing. I care too much about you to do that . . . but I knew you could make it go away. It makes me selfish, and I’m so embarrassed that I did that. When you left, I drank so much and all I could do was replay how you looked at me when I begged you. I understand if you don’t want to be with me or don’t want m—”

“Don’t even say it. Don’t say I don’t want you. That’s not the case. I want you. Every day I want you,” Liam cuts me off with his voice razor sharp.

My cheeks flush and my heart begins to race. “Okay, I just meant that I shouldn’t have tried to get you to sleep with me last night.”

“Look, if all that shit hadn’t gone down and you wanted to take that step, I would’ve been all for it. Trust me, I want nothing more than to touch you, but not because you want to fuck Aaron out of your mind. I want it to be because you can’t stand the idea of me not touching you.”

He’s right but so wrong. “I want to be with you. There’s something between us that is beautiful and I don’t want to lose that. Even if you had said yes last night—it wouldn’t have been that.”

“That’s exactly what it would’ve been. Let’s be honest, because if we start with lies, this will fail before it even has a chance.”

Fear of losing him begins to bubble up. “I don’t know how to go from here because I feel like I’ve taken two steps back. I want to trust you, and I do, but I feel like this affair just destroyed whatever we were building. How could you want me knowing this?”

“Natalie,” Liam says and his hand gently cups my face. He pushes me to look at him and I get lost in his eyes. “I’ve fallen for you and for Aarabelle. I’m not going anywhere until you tell me you’re done. I’m done fighting with myself over having any kind of feelings for you. I want you, Lee. And his fuck ups have nothing to do with us.”

“But they affect us.”

“Only if you want them to. Look, every part of me battles with touching you. It’s like I’m the fucking dirtbag here. You were his fucking wife.” His hand drops.

“He obviously didn’t hold that title very high,” I say and grab his hand wrapping my fingers around his. “I’m angry, though, and hurt. He and I weren’t perfect, but I didn’t think he was capable of infidelity.”

“Did you have any idea?”

“No, I mean, we were fighting, but I was pregnant. We had been trying for almost a year to get pregnant with Aarabelle. I could only sleep with him during certain times, and sex was tedious, but I thought we were making the best of it.”

Infertility was a huge burden between us. Aaron felt his manhood was being challenged and I thought I was maybe not meant to be a mother. Even through it all, Aaron and I tried to stay close. He wasn’t any more distant than normal, and I definitely didn’t suspect anything.

“I wish I could take this away from you. I can’t though. He was your husband.”

I nod in understanding. Liam only knew the side of our marriage everyone saw. The happy, smiling couple that loved each other since they were sixteen. In many ways, it wasn’t an act. I did love him, and if he were alive, we’d be together, or at least figuring out where to go from here. But he’s gone, and I have Liam.

“In a way, it’s also opened my eyes to how my life wasn’t exactly what I thought.”

“How so?”

“Do we seriously talk about this? Do I really tell you about good and bad in my marriage to your best friend?” I question because it feels almost unnatural. This is the guy who I’m sure listened to Aaron talk about me and now I’m sitting here about to make him listen to me.

“I can’t say I’m going to enjoy it, but if we keep avoiding this shit, we’re never going to get past it. Look, this is hard as hell for me. Aaron was my best friend. I would’ve taken a bullet for him, no questions asked. When things started happening with you and I, I felt like a dick.” Liam plays with my fingers as we sit and talk. “You’re off limits. No one fucks another team guy’s wife. It’s code. But he’s gone and I don’t know how we found our way here.”