“Still, that’s a girly knife and you know it.”

“I know you aren’t dissing girls,” Adne said, glaring at him. “Because that could prove hazardous to your health.”

“Of course not,” Ethan said. “Just dissing Connor.”

“You’re just pissed ’cause you lost.” Connor held the sword blade up to the light. “This needs sharpening.”

“You should take better care of your weapons,” Ethan said, ignoring the gesture Connor made and speaking to Adne. “So is this tonight’s green room?”

“Seems like that’s what it’s turning into,” Adne said. “You need more bolts? And target practice to take the edge off while we wait?”

“You know it.” He grinned.

While Adne gathered more blades and Ethan rummaged through storage crates, Shay sidled up next to me and shoved his hands in his pockets.

“I’m sorry about what I said back there.”

I ground my teeth, fighting anger but not wanting to snap at him.

“I just don’t want to lose you.”

I nodded but didn’t look at him. Even if it was out of love, I resented his words. I hadn’t deserved them. Neither had Ren. My chest was tight, thinking of Shay and the Bane alpha. I wondered if they’d ever be able to fight together.

Shay was looking at me out of the corner of his eye. He shook his head and sighed.

“Are you okay?” I asked, swallowing the last of my anger.

“Yeah,” he mumbled. “Just thinking.”

He looked at me and sighed again. “So he’s going to come back.”

“Who is?” I asked, watching steel glint as Connor brandished weapons.

“Ren,” Shay said, and with that name hanging in the air between us, he had my full attention. “I mean, if this works. He’ll be here. With us.”

I looked away.

Ren.

Ren would be here. I couldn’t ignore the rush of heat through my veins at the thought that he would be safe. And that he would be close to me.

“What does that mean?” Shay pressed.

“I don’t know,” I said truthfully, moving forward to inspect the deadly wall ornaments.

He grabbed my hand. “Calla, hang on.”

When I turned to face Shay, his eyes were bright as spring leaves sparkling with dew.

“I don’t want to talk about this, Shay,” I murmured. “I have more important things to think about. Like not dying.”

“You don’t have to talk,” he said. “Just listen.”

Both of his hands came up, cupping my face. “I don’t care that Ren will be here. Okay, that’s a lie. Just the thought of him being around you makes me crazy. I can’tthink straight and all I feel is the wolf inside me. That’s why I said . . .”

A growl rose in his throat and I could see the wolf flash in his eyes, predatory and defensive. “It doesn’t matter. I swear I want to help the pack. And I don’t want anything bad to happen to Ren either . . . well, most of the time. All I care about is you and me. Things have been different between us since we’ve been alone. At least, I’d like to believe they have been.”

I didn’t want to look at him. My heart seemed to be throwing itself against my rib cage, like it was trying to escape this conversation.

“You aren’t in Vail,” he continued. “The rules have changed. I’m going to fight to be the one at your side.”

Had they? I didn’t know whose rules applied anymore or where my place in any of this was.

“Shay—” I tried to pull back, but his hand slipped around my waist and he held me in place.

“Tell me that isn’t what you want and I’ll walk away,” he said, leaning in so his lips brushed my cheek.

My throat closed. I wanted to tell him that I loved him. I did. In a way I hadn’t believed was possible before he’d been in my life. He deserved to know that. He should have some reassurance that his feelings were fully returned. But I didn’t trust myself anymore. Not after Ansel’s story. I’d brought torture and death to the people I loved. My mother had been killed. My pack was still in danger, my brother mutilated and hating himself. All of that was my fault. How could I answer? When I made choices for myself, they destroyed everyone I loved. What did I really have to offer Shay when all I brought with me was carnage?

“What are you two whispering about?” Adne called from her perch. “Here, catch!”

She pitched a sword at Shay. I flinched, but he stepped forward, easily catching its hilt.

“What is this for?” he asked. “I’m not even going.”

“How else are we going to pass the time before Monroe sends us out?”

“I know I’m not sleeping,” Connor said. “Don’t feel like a tussle, Shay? Just ’cause you’re getting left behind doesn’t mean you can’t take a few swings for fun.”

“I guess.” I caught sight of sharp fangs when Shay snarled at Connor.

“Want one, Calla?” Adne gestured to the wall of arms.

“No, thanks,” I said, eyeing the myriad of gleaming axes, swords, and dozens of other weapons I couldn’t name. “I’ll go with natural assets.”

“Those you’ve got—in abundance.” Connor wiggled his eyebrows at me.

When I smiled, showing sharp teeth, he stopped grinning.