With All My Soul Page 83

“He was going to charge me to find out whether or not he knows, then again, presumably, to find out where they actually are.”

“And, what, the price was too high?” Sabine looked confused.

“Well, yeah.” I shrugged. “By virtue of the fact that I was dealing with a hellion. That’s never a good idea.”

“But you deal with hellions all the  time!” Nash insisted. “You were willing to make out with one to help your dad but not to help my mom?”

“No, I...I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have let him manipulate me—in the end it was all for nothing anyway.” Instead of finding my dad, we’d lost his mom and my uncle. “Besides, I’m pretty sure the price would have gone up this time.” I didn’t even want to know what came after a kiss. A bite? A sip of my blood, straight from the fount? A pound of flesh? Something worse?

“You’re pretty sure?” Nash demanded, and I realized I’d accidentally led him to an accurate conclusion. “You didn’t even ask? You just decided my mom should sit tight in the Netherworld—where she’s obviously unconscious and probably still bleeding—because you weren’t even willing to listen to the offer on the table?”

“Wait, you think she should have made a deal with a demon?” Em demanded, while I stared at him, trying not to get angry. Angrier, anyway.

“No, that’s not...” Nash scrubbed both hands over his face, and I could practically feel his frustration. “I don’t know what to think. I don’t want you to put yourself in any more danger, but we have to get my mom back. She’s hurt, and I have no idea how badly. She’d do anything for me and Tod—and for any of you—and there’s nothing we can do to help her without making a deal with a hellion.”

“I’ll do it. I’ll make the deal.” Sabine shrugged. “I’m not giving up my soul, but other than that, I’m flexible. How bad could it be?”

I stared at her in horror. “That’s the scariest question I’ve ever heard.”

Em frowned. “Sabine, he already tried to kill you.”

“Actually, he wasn’t trying to kill her,” I admitted, reluctantly aware that they might misinterpret that as my support for her kamikaze mission. “He was trying to piss us all off.”

“That’s not the point.” Nash took Sabine’s hand. “I don’t want any of you putting yourselves in danger. She’s my mom. This is my responsibility. I’ll do it.” He let go of Sabine and stood, facing me. “Kaylee, how the hell do you summon a hellion?”

“I can’t...” I took a deep breath, then started over—he wasn’t going to like my answer. “Nash, I can’t tell you that. I can’tlet you summon Ira.” He’d get himself killed, and it would be my fault.

His eyes churned with swift currents of brown and green, with flashes of anger like lightning splitting the storm. “Does it give you some kind of perverse pleasure to tell me no? Because that’s all I ever hear from you anymore. Actually, that’s all I’ve ever heard from you.”

“Okay, stop it, Nash.” My gaze clashed with his, and I wondered what he saw in my eyes. “I’m trying to protect you.”

“Who appointed you defender of mankind? I don’t need your protection! None of us do!”

“I do, kind of,” Em said, but no one was really listening. “Sometimes...”

I stood, facing Nash across the coffee table. “I’m not going to let you summon a hellion, especially when you’re so desperate to find your mother that you’d give him whatever he wants.”

“That’s my call. You have no right to stand in my way.”

“I may not have the right, but I have the responsibility. You’re my friend—you’re more than a friend—and you have a less-than-stellar record with human-to-hellion interactions. I’m not going to give you what you need to make another mistake, and, frankly, I don’t think it’s fair of you to ask me to, considering that if something happens to you, we’ll all have to put ourselves in even more danger to rescue you. Don’t you think we’re missing enough loved ones already?”

Yes, I was aware of my own hypocrisy, even as the words left my mouth. But putting myself in danger was different than letting him do the same thing, because Nash was a hellion addict. And because he was too emotional to think clearly. And because he’d never even met Ira. And...

And because I was terrified of losing him. Of losing any of them. I wasn’t willing to take risks with my friends’ lives like I was with my own, because I loved them. All of them. Even the ones I didn’t always like. I couldn’t give Nash the means to get himself killed via hellion bargain any more than I could hand him a loaded gun and watch him point it at his own head.

But Nash didn’t see it that way.

“I can’t win with you, can I?” He threw his arms up in frustration. “If I stay safe on the sidelines, I’m not helping, but if I try to do anything, I’m putting myself and everyone else in danger. You’re going to be mad at me no matter what I do—or don’t do—so I’m done worrying about what you think!”

“Guys, calm down,” Emma said. On the edge of my vision, I saw Sabine watching me and Nash like we were on opposing sides of a volleyball net.

“This isn’t about me being mad at you, Nash. This is about me trying to protect you.”

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