He took my arm, stopping me. My eyes followed his hand up to his face. His skin was warm against mine, almost electric. “But I know you. This is you. This has always been you.”

I took my arm back and looked away from him. “Maybe that’s not me anymore.”

He hesitated, and the silence was aching. “You being around other people is dangerous. For them. You saw what happened with the fight against Orek.”

“I’m not going to be a hermit.”

“You’re a target,” he said. “That makes your friends and family targets as well. I don’t want them to get hurt either.”

“What are you saying? I can’t just abandon them.”

“You may have to.”

Our gazes locked. I drew in a long breath as anger churned deep within me. “I can’t do that. Being around them makes me feel human. If I lose them, I’ll lose myself and be alone.”

His shoulders slumped. “You’ll have me.”

“You aren’t all I need, Will. I need my family and friends, too.”

“A long time ago,” he began, “you understood how treacherous it was to drag ordinary humans into this world. You kept them away to protect them.”

“That’s not me anymore,” I told him coldly. “That me has died a thousand times before.”

“It is you. I understand that you love these people and you need them in your life, and I know you understand how dangerous your world is for them.”

“This wasn’t my world before you came along!”

“I have known you for five hundred years,” he said, touching my cheek and threading his fingers through my hair. “I know you better than anyone, and I know once you truly remember yourself, once you wake up, you’ll understand.”

“I do understand what you’re saying,” I said, and pulled away from him. “But I can’t give up my life and the people I love.”

“Even if you endanger them?”

“I’ll protect them,” I said defiantly.

“Ellie, please don’t be foolish …”

I held up a hand. “Not today. Please. I need to spend less time with you.”

He blinked, taken aback. “But I’m your Guardian.”

“You’re not my shadow.” My voice was sharper than I’d intended. “Or my babysitter. Lately I’ve realized that I need to get out of my old routine and into a new one. I need a break.”

His lips parted as he stared at me in disbelief, his green eyes wide. “We don’t have time for a break. Just days ago, a nycterid reaper picked a fight with us above a busy street full of humans. It’s been all over the news. There are video clips of this all over the internet. The world is on the brink of either changing or ending.”

“This is what I need right now,” I said quietly. “I need to think. I know I’m supposed to be this fearless warrior who kicks ass and never bothers with names, but I don’t feel like it. Trust me when I say I need this.”

“This is a terrible idea.”

I threw my duffel bag over my shoulder and picked my purse up off my dresser before turning to him one last time. “Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. I don’t want you to follow me tonight. I don’t need you there. If you come, I will be really angry.”

“Please don’t do this. Don’t go without me.”

“Good-bye, Will,” I said. “I’ll see you tomorrow. We’ll patrol then, okay?”

His mouth tightened into a line before he got up and his form vanished into the Grim. After he was gone, I stood there for a moment, second-guessing myself. But I had already made up my mind. I left my house, climbed into my car, and drove to Kate’s without him.

16

I’D BEEN TO STATE BEFORE, BUT NEVER ON A Saturday night. The end-of-February weather was miraculously above freezing, and that only encouraged thousands of college students to swarm the streets.

When we got inside Jay’s house, it was so hot that the air was foggy and thick with perspiration and the smell of living bodies and cigarettes. Music pounded my head in heavy, hypnotic beats so hard I could barely open my eyes. The atmosphere alone was intoxicating and disorienting. Kate hooked her fingers with mine and led me through the packed living room. We squeezed through people slick with sweat and spilled beer.

A hand touched my waist, and I blinked twice to focus through the haze. Brian dipped his face so close to mine that our cheeks brushed together and he still had to shout for me to hear him. “I’m glad you came! Are you having a good time?”

I laughed. “Yes! This is insane!”

He drew away and laughed. “You have no idea. Let me get you girls some drinks.”

Kate and I followed him into the kitchen, where a keg sat in a kiddie swimming pool covered with cute smiling fish. I laughed out loud when I saw it. Brian filled a couple of cups and handed them to us.

“Have a good time, ladies,” he said. The kitchen wasn’t much quieter than the living room, but at least we didn’t have to yell in order to hear each other. “Beer pong is in the basement, so feel free to roam. I’ll go find Jay downstairs and let him know you’re here.”

“He’s playing beer pong?” Kate asked.

“Yeah. Want to join?”

“Hell yes,” she said with a grin.

He brightened. “Well then. You’re in luck, because I’ve got next on the table. Right this way.”