“You told me I had to start believing I was beautiful,” I said, louder than before but still just above a whisper. “If I do, then you do, too.”

Pressing his forehead to mine, Rhodes shook his head slightly. “I’m not like you, Natalie. Can’t you see that?” He exhaled, the air leaving his lungs and reviving my own. “I stayed away from you for so long because I know who I am. I know what I’m capable of.” He pulled back, his intense eyes locking on my own. “We both know I’m going to hurt you. It’s one of the reasons we avoided this for so long. Admit it,” he said, swallowing. “You know I’m not good for you.”

I chewed my bottom lip, blindly thumbing at the settings on my camera until I knew they were where I wanted them. His assessment couldn’t be farther from the truth, in my mind at least. He was maybe the only thing good in my life that summer. Slowly, I lifted the camera, and snapped one, single photo. It was close — too close to focus without taking more time — but I didn’t know if I’d have it. I expected Rhodes to hide or flinch or turn his body away, but he didn’t. I aimed the lens at his left eye, the one that always squinted slightly when I knew he was thinking about something he wouldn’t speak out loud. Glancing at the photo on the camera screen, I smiled, and then showed it to Rhodes.

“How’s this for looking a little closer?”

Rhodes smirked, his eyes hard on the photo as if it were the only one he’d ever been in. For all I knew, it very well could have been. Slowly, I slipped my hand into his and pressed my index finger hard to the inside of his wrist. I felt his heart pulsing through the vein, hard and steady, but nowhere near as fast as mine. He moved his own finger to mirror mine, and we were connected, hand to hand, heart to heart, and I’d never felt closer to anyone in my entire life.

Rhodes wrapped his index finger around my wrist to join the rest of his fingers and he gripped tight, pulling me into him and closing the distance between us. His lips found mine in a mixture of passion and need. I moaned instinctively, which only made Rhodes kiss me harder.

I could sense him holding back. His hands gripped me hard and I winced, though not from pain — from the shocking pleasure of it all. Still, a small wrinkle formed where his brows met and he kissed me softer, taking his time. When my hand slipped under his shirt and fingered the hem of his boxers, he growled, lifting me hastily from the couch. I wrapped my legs around him and it felt natural — like I wasn’t as heavy as I knew I was. He held me as if I was just a dainty doll, but he eyed me as if I were a vixen. He wanted me. I could feel it pouring out of every inch of his body, and I’d never experienced a power rush quite so strong.

He threw me onto the bed when we reached his room, quickly pulling off my tight jeans as I maneuvered out of my shirt. My heart kicked against my ribs in an unsteady rhythm as I stripped for the second time in front of Rhodes. The first time I’d felt self-conscience and unsure, but this time, my need to be skin on skin with Rhodes outweighed my embarrassment. For a moment, I let myself believe I was beautiful — just like he’d said.

Rhodes fell down on top of me, bracing himself on his elbows. My fingers found the hard muscles of his biceps and I gripped them tight, holding on for dear life. He lifted me just enough to unsnap my bra and toss it to the side and then his mouth was on my breast, sucking hard, awakening every sleeping cell in my body.

I bit my lip, soft moans escaping through the slight opening of my mouth. Rhodes trailed his rough hand down my skin, leaving an electric fire in its wake, until he found my center. He didn’t even bother removing my panties. He swiftly moved them to the side and before my brain could process what was happening, he slid two fingers inside me.

I cried out, the intense pleasure surrounding me.

“Christ,” Rhodes muttered, and I wasn’t sure if it was a curse or a prayer. He removed his fingers slowly before reentering them once more. His arms were tense and I felt him focusing on his breaths. He was restraining himself, touching me gently as if he was afraid he’d break me.

It was a slow build, and I wriggled beneath his hand, asking without words for him to move faster, harder, deeper. He would give in, give me what I want, and then pull the reigns back once more. Cupping his hand around me, his palm massaged my clit each time his fingers slid inside, the combination stirring an energy deep inside me. I pulled my lips between my teeth and bit down harder, stifling my moans. Each time I released them, Rhodes would catch them with his own lips. They were plumping, swelling from the pressure and the pleasure.

My cheeks were on fire as I squirmed, holding my breath. There was something slowly coming together inside me. It was a cool fire, and I reached for it as much as I cowered away.

“It’s okay to let me know you like it, Natalie,” he breathed, slowing his movements. I felt every inch of his long fingers as he slid them in and then withdrew them. He was steady, calculated, the perfect equation for impossible satisfaction. “You can moan, or scream…” His words trailed off and he sucked my nipple. Hard. “Or say my name.”

I moaned, arching into him. His erection was pressed against my inner thigh and I desperately wanted him inside me, but I knew that wasn’t his intention. He wanted me to come apart at the touch of his fingers, and I was only moments away.

“Let it out,” he demanded, this time a bit louder. His hand moved faster, his fingers hitting a spot inside me I’d never known existed. I moaned a little louder, but it wasn’t good enough. Rhodes flexed his hips, lighting my insides on fire. I groaned, but again, I knew he wanted more.

He removed his fingers long enough to make quick work of my panties, and then I was completely naked in his bed. He still had every stitch of his clothing on, but I was fully exposed — spread out, panting, needing. Rhodes’ eyes devoured me, breath hitting his chest like a fist. It was a constant battle — he would take me hard one moment and pull back the next. I was the elixir for everlasting life and he wanted to drink me slowly and yet consume me quickly and all at once. I felt his own need radiating like heat from his body, but he subdued it with each breath.

Hooking his hands around my hips, Rhodes yanked me to the end of the bed and then stopped himself, dropping to his knees slowly and finding my eyes with his own before sliding two fingers inside me once more. His teeth raked over the flesh of his bottom lip when I moaned and slowly, with restraint, he lowered his mouth to my clit.