He came to her again, sat beside her. “The woman I changed didn’t know what I was until that moment. If she had, she’d have run screaming. You know what I am. You asked because you’re human. If I don’t need to ask you to forgive me for being what I am, you don’t need to ask me to forgive you for being what you are.”

Chapter 19

F or most of the day, Moira worked with Glenna forming, forging and charming the fireballs. Every hour or so two or three people would come into the tower and haul away what was done to store them in their stockpile outside.

“I never thought I’d say it,” Moira began after the fourth straight hour, “but magic can be tedious.”

“Hoyt would say what we’re doing here is nearly as much science as magic.” Glenna swiped at her damp face with her arm. “And yes, both can be boring as ever-living hell. Still, you’re doing this with me cuts back on the time and increases the payload. Hoyt’s bound to be closeted with Cian over maps and strategy all day.”

“Which is probably just as tedious.”

“Betcha more.”

Once again Glenna walked the line of the hardened balls they’d made, hands stretched out, eyes focused as she chanted. From where she stood at the worktable Moira could see the constant use of power was taking its toll.

The shadows under Glenna’s green eyes seemed to deepen every hour. And each time the flush the miserable heat brought to her cheeks faded, her skin looked more pale, more drawn.

“You should stop for a bit,” Moira told her when Glenna completed the line. “Get some air, have a bite.”

“I want to finish this batch, but I will take a minute first. It reeks of sulphur in here.” She walked to the window, leaned out to draw in cool, fresh air. “Oh. This is a sight, Moira, come look. Dragons circling over tent city.”

Moira wandered over to watch dragons, most of them mounted by riders training them to dive or turn on command. They were quick studies, she mused, and made a bold, bright show against a hazy sky.

“You’re wishing you could take a picture of it, or sketch it at least.”

“I’ll spend the next ten years doing sketches and artwork of what I’ve seen these past months.”

“I’ll miss you so much when this is done and you’re not here anymore.”

Understanding, Glenna draped an arm over Moira’s shoulders, then pressed a kiss to her hair. “You know if there’s a way to come, we will. We’ll visit you. We have the key, we have the portal, and if what we’ve done here doesn’t earn the gods’ blessing, nothing could.”

“I know. As horrible as these past months have been in so many ways, they’ve given me so much. You and Hoyt and Blair. And... ”

“Cian.”

Moira kept her eyes on the dragons. “He won’t come back to visit, with or without the blessing of the gods.”

“I don’t know.”

“He won’t, even if it were possible for him, he won’t come back to me.” Little deaths, Moira thought, every hour, every day. “I knew it all along. Wanting it different doesn’t change what is, or can’t be. It’s one of the things Morrigan was telling me, about the time of knowing. Using my head and my heart together. Both my head and my heart know we can’t be together. If we tried it would tear at us until neither of us could survive it. I tried to deny that, disgracing myself, hurting him.”

“How?”

Before Moira could answer, Blair strode in. “What’s up? A little girl time? What’s the topic? Fashion, food or men? Oh-oh,” she added when they turned and she saw their faces, “must be men, and me with no chocolate to pass around. Listen, I’ll get out of your way, I just wanted to let you know the last incoming troops have been sighted. They’ll be here within the hour.”

“That’s good news. No, stay a moment, would you?” Moira asked. “You should know what I was about to confess. Both of you have put your heart and blood into all of this. You’ve been the best friends to me I’ve ever had, or will have.”

“You’ve got a serious voice on there, Moira. What did you do? Decide to turn to the dark side and hang out with Lilith?”

“It’s not so far from that. I asked Cian to change me.”

Blair nodded as she walked closer. “I don’t see any bites on your neck.”

“Why aren’t you angry, or even surprised? Either one of you.”

“I think,” Glenna said slowly, “I might have done the same in your place. I know I’d have wanted to. If we walk away from this, Blair and I walk away with our men. You can’t. Do you want us to judge you for trying to find some way to change that?”

“I don’t know. It might be easier if you did. I used his feelings for me as weapons. I asked—all but begged him to make me like him when we were at our most intimate.”

“Below the belt,” Blair stated. “If I were going to do it, that’s the method I’d have picked. He turned you down, which tells me there can’t be any doubt what you are to him. Back to me again, I’d feel better knowing he was going to be just as miserable and alone as I was when he had to take a walk.”

Moira let out a surprised and muffled laugh. “You don’t mean that.”

“I said it to lighten things up, but down in the gut? I don’t know. I might. I’m sorry you’re getting the shaft in this. Sincerely.”

“Ah well, maybe I’ll have a bit of luck and die in battle tomorrow night. That way I won’t be miserable and alone after all.”

“Positive thinking. That’s the ticket.” In lieu of chocolate, Blair gave her a hug. And met Glenna’s eyes over Moira’s shoulder.

I t was important, Moira knew, for the last of the troops to be welcomed by their queen, and to show herself to as many as she could in the final hours before the last march. She walked among the tents as twilight came, as did the other members of the royal family. She spoke to all she could. She dressed as a warrior, with her cloak pinned with a simple claddaugh brooch and the sword of Geall at her side.

It was well after dark when she returned to the house, and to what she knew would be the final strategy meeting with her circle.

They were already gathered around the long table with only Larkin standing apart, scowling down at the fire. Something new, she thought with a little quiver in her belly. Something more.