You’ll see.

have you ever visited your high school years after you graduated?

And the desks and the windows and the walls are the same . . . yet it still looks different? Smaller somehow.

That’s what this feels like.

Driving down Main Street, coming home, it’s all exactly like I remember it . . . but not. The red awning outside Mr. Reynold’s hardware store is green now. Falcone Pharmacy turned into a Rite Aid. But the gaudy pink palm tree is still in the window of Penny’s Beauty Salon where Delores and I got our nails done before prom.

The old green park bench is still there, too, outside my parents’ restaurant, where I used to chain my bike after school.

I park the car and get out, my duffel bag hanging on my shoulder. It’s a little after noon, and the sun is high and hot, and air smells like sand and burning tar. I cross the street and open the door. The hum of conversation simmers down as I stand at the entrance, and a dozen friendly, familiar faces look me over.

Most of the people in this room have known me since I was born. To them, I’m Nate and Carol’s daughter—the small-town, dark haired, pigtailed girl who made good. Who beat the financial odds and did her family proud. I’m the success story the grade school teachers tell their students about, in the hopes of inspiring them to bigger dreams than the automobile factory has to offer.

I force my lips to smile politely, nodding and waving brief greetings as I make my way between the tables, toward the door in the back. See the sign?

EMPLOYEES ONLY.

I blow out a big breath. And all the anger that kept me going— that got me here—goes out with it. Exhaustion swamps me. And I feel drained, empty. My limbs are boneless, like I just crossed the finish line of a ten-mile uphill marathon.

I push the door open. And the first thing I see is my mother, bent over a table, scanning a produce delivery list.

Beautiful, isn’t she? I know most daughters think their mothers are pretty—but mine really is. her dark brown hair is pulled into a high ponytail, like mine. her skin is fair and clear, with the barest of lines around her lips and eyes. If wrinkles are hereditary, I’ve hit the genetic jackpot.

But beyond her looks, my mother’s beautiful on the inside. It sounds clichéd, but it’s true. She’s unchanging. Steady. Dependable. Life hasn’t always been easy for her—or kind. But she moved forward, carried on, with dignity and grace. My mother isn’t an optimist. She’s stoic, like a statue that’s still standing after a hur-ricane.

The door swings closed behind me and she lifts her head. her eyes light up and she smiles big. “Kate!” She puts the list down and moves toward me.

Then she sees my face. And the corners of her smile fall like a feather in the wind. her voice is hushed and laced with concern.

“Kate, what’s wrong?”

My arms give up, and my bag drops to the floor.

She takes another step.

“Katie? honey? What happened?”

Now, there is an excellent question. I should answer—but I can’t. Because my hands are covering my face. And the only sounds that escape my lips are gasping sobs.

her arms pull me forward, strong and warm and smelling of Downy April Freshness. And she holds me, tight and secure, like only a mother can.

Remember the steel box? Yeah, it’s open now. And everything that happened comes spilling out of it.

Chapter 9

The average human being spends a third of their life in bed.

Eight thousand, three hundred, thirty-three days. Two hundred thousand hours.

Why am I telling you this? Because you should never feel bad about spending a lot of money on decent bed linens. A good blanket is priceless. When you’re young, it protects you from the boogeyman. And when you’re not so young, it keeps your old bones warm.

My mother pulls my down comforter up to my chin, tucking me into my childhood bed, like a six-year-old during a thunderstorm.

After my meltdown in the break room, she brought me upstairs to the small but quaint two-bedroom apartment above the diner where I was raised. Where my mother still lives. The home of my youth.

She wipes at the tears that stream down my cheeks. I hiccup and stutter, “I-I-I’m . . . s-so . . . s-s-stupid.”

I was valedictorian of my high school class. I graduated from harvard Law School.

Ignorance is not something I’m familiar with. So I can’t help but feel that I should have known—should’ve seen this coming.

After all, I lived with Drew for two years. how long does it take for a leopard to change its spots?

Oh, that’s right—they don’t.

My mother brushes my hair back from my face. “hush now, Katie.”

My eyes are swollen and my nose is stuffed, making my voice sound nasally and childlike. “W-w-what . . . am I . . . g-g-going to do, Mom?”

She smiles calmly, like she has all the answers. Like she has the power to take away any hurt—even this one—as easily as she used to kiss away the pain of my bumped shins and scraped knees.

“You’re going to sleep now. You’re so tired.”

She continues running her fingers through my hair. It’s soothing. Relaxing. “Sleep now. . . . Go to sleep my sweet, sweet girl.”

My father taught me to play the guitar, but I get my voice from my mother. Lying in bed, I close my heavy eyes as she sings. It’s a Melissa Etheridge song about angels knowing that everything will be all right. It’s the same song she sang to me the night my father died—the night she slept in this bed with me. Because she couldn’t bear to sleep in their bed alone.