Wine catches in my throat and I choke, spluttering like an idiot.

“Oh come on, you two!” Selena groans. “We’re eating dinner.”

Jackson laughs, throwing his head back and exposing a mouth full of food. I feel my cheeks burn. I’m glad someone is finding it so hilarious. Seth raises his glass of water to me before taking a mouthful and I scowl at him, but he doesn’t care. He says and does whatever he wants. There’s no censoring him…and maybe that’s why I’m so into him. He’s unpredictable—exciting. My scowl quickly melts into a grin and I bite my lip as I scoop salad onto my plate and mix it with my grilled chicken. I can’t be mad about that, I suppose. It was a compliment, a naughty compliment I’d rather he not repeat, but one nonetheless.

“Relax, Selena.” Seth laughs, sitting forward in his seat. “My words have nothing on what you and Jackson were doing on the living room floor when we got home.”

“Maybe not, but after the shower you and Olivia took, I’d say we’re even,” Jackson chimes in with a flick of his eyebrows.

Great. They heard it. I sit my glass down and scoop salad into my mouth, doing anything to prevent myself from being dragged into the conversation. Selena giggles, beaming widely at me and suddenly I’m trying hard not to smile.

“What do you want me to say?” I ask her through chewed food. “Sorry?”

She flashes me her palms, biting back a smile. “Nothing.”

After that, dinner conversation flowed from naughty to naughtier. All of them are talking about things they’ve seen in movies or strip clubs—not all of them appealing or sexy, either. Here’s an interesting fact I learned, Jackson’s favorite sex position is ‘doggy style.’ It turns out he’s really into ass slapping and hair pulling. Selena giggles the whole time, agreeing with everything he said. Seth, however, refused to state his favorite, claiming he’s easily pleased and they all work just fine. I refused to add any personal preferences to the conversation. Selena knows almost everything about me and I’m glad she didn’t spill any of my likes and dislikes over the dinner table.

When Selena and Jackson turn to each other for a quick make out session, Seth leans closer to me. “They’ve been drinking since early this afternoon, just go with it.”

Drinking since this afternoon? There’s the Selena I know and lov—am used to. I stab the last piece of chicken with my fork and put it into my mouth before dropping the fork back to my plate and pushing it aside. My stomach is heavy and I contemplate cutting my shorts to make more room for my food baby.

As soon as I finish, Seth and Jackson rise from the table and gather the plates, leaving Selena and I alone. She jumps from her chair and gestures for me to follow her into the backyard. I slide from my chair and follow her. It isn’t until I follow her past the pool house, into the pool yard and she pulls a cigarette from her bra that I realize she’s come all the way out here to have a cigarette.

She lights her cigarette and inhales deeply. She expels the smoke with a relaxed sigh and looks at me. I feel my brow arched and accusing.

“Jackson doesn’t like it when I smoke,” she says with a small smile.

“So you hide from him?”

“I don’t hide…okay, yeah, I hide. He’s difficult to deal with and I’d rather not frustrate him.”

Am I the only who doesn’t know who Jackson is?

“Did he almost punch your dad?” I ask out of nowhere.

She shakes her head, almost disappointedly. “Yeah…it was fucked up. He doesn’t understand how Dad is. You know how he is, he’s an asshole, he’s strict and he expects a lot from me.”

“Yeah, but you’ve never really cared what he wanted you to do or become.”

She shrugs, swaying slightly. “Maybe it’s sinking in now. I’m turning twenty-fucking-four and I still act like I’m seventeen. I want to grow up now and I think I’m ready, but I don’t know what I want. I don’t know if I want to live with Dad anymore. I want to travel. I’m not sure if I want to be with Jackson in the long run…I just don’t know.” She rattles off her sentences in a random order, but I manage to keep up. Having a conversation with Selena about growing up is something I never thought I’d share with her. Until recently, she was completely happy with her carefree life. What’s changed?

“You don’t know if you want to be with Jackson?”

She drags an inhale through her cigarette, making the red ember at the end burn brightly. “I really like him.” She exhales. “But he isn’t a long term kind of guy…and it’s not like I’m the only one he’s had sex with in the past few weeks.”

“What? He cheated on yo—”

“It’s not cheating, O. We’re not together and at the time it happened, I was there too, but it felt different.”

I cringe. Of course she was referring to a threesome. I bite my tongue and ask her what she means by different. I don’t want to hear the dirty details of their sex life, but I am her best friend and she needs to get things off her chest, which means I have to step up to the plate.

“Normally, when I do those kinds of things I’m okay with it…but the other week, when it happened I felt…almost disgusted.”

“Was it the other girl?”

“No, the other girl was perfect, practically a ten.”

“Then what was the problem?”

Selena shrugs. “I think I was jealous… I didn’t want to share him.”

“Awww!” I squeal, balling my hands into fists like an excited child. “You like him! Like, like-like him.”

She shakes her head again, like she’s not happy about it. “I don’t want to like him…”

She runs her hand over her face and I step closer to her, no longer caring about the cigarette smoke that engulfs me. “Why not? What happened?”

“He’s too…” I hear her voice shake and she clears his throat. “He’s difficult, O.I can’t even begin to explain it to you. You won’t make sense of it.”

“Try me.”

She blows air out of her cheeks. “He’s very demanding, always needing things done a certain way and with sex, he needs hard and fast, pain and pleasure, all of that shit. He’s damaged—so fucking damaged, and I know I shouldn’t bother with him, but I can’t walk away.”

“If you’re not happy, then leave.”

“I am happy, I’m beyond happy with him, but he’s not the kind of guy you’re meant to fall for. He’s the one you fuck once or twice and then move on. He isn’t the one you settle down with.”

“So what if he isn’t? You should at least try to communicate your feelings with him.”

Selena laughs once. “You’re really cute, but Jackson isn’t Seth. He isn’t all badass with the boys and then cute and cuddly behind closed doors with his girl. Jackson is hard through and through and I wouldn’t bring anything deep and meaningful up with him. I don’t want to scare him away.”

I open my mouth to tell her to take the plunge, but a swinging gate cuts me off. Selena drops her cigarette and stamps it out as she flicks her hair around her shoulders. From her back pocket she pulls a small bottle of mint mouth spray and sprays it on her tongue. I watch her, curiously as she runs her tongue over her teeth and shifts her weight onto her other leg like we’re just standing here contemplating getting into the pool.

“I was going to suggest we watch a movie, but skinny dipping sounds much more fun,” Jackson announces, pulling his tight shirt over his head and exposing his rippling stomach. Selena giggles, pulling off her own shirt. She’s looking a little softer these days, more curvy. It’s amazing what a few extra pounds can do to your sex appeal. Her body is banging and Jackson appreciates it, too. Even in the faint glow of the pool light I can see his eyes greedily drinking in her features as she slips her little black skirt down her legs.

“Keep the underwear on,” I beg as Jackson’s fingers curl around Selena’s underwear and he tugs her closer to him. “For my sake.”

Suddenly, glowing lights inside rocks surrounding the edge of the pool flick on and I no longer have to rely on the dim light at the bottom of the pool as my main source of light. I glance around the yard, taking in all of the features I missed in the dark. The pool is a standard, jelly bean shape surrounded with dark rocks, giving off the perfect ‘lagoon’ effect. My gaze follows the pool from the pool house steps, across the water, over the spa and onto a gorgeous, wide sunbed underneath a beautiful, dark rock-like canopy.

Jackson and Selena stroll hand in hand over to the steps and lower themselves into the water. They laugh and talk and whisper while I sit down on the edge, dipping my feet into the cool water.

“You managed to get them to keep their clothes on. Well done.” Seth chuckles, sitting down next to me and dipping his legs into the pool.

Selena giggles as Jackson pulls her into him. I look over just in time to see his tongue flick out and lick her bottom lip.

I laugh. “I get the feeling it isn’t going to last too long.”

Seth’s ankle hooks around mine and I glance down at our legs. I like Seth in shorts. I like seeing the definition in his claves—so thick and perfectly shaped.

I look back to Selena and Jackson. To me, they’re the perfect couple. Both beautiful, both fun and carefree…I watch as Jackson’s mouth sinks over Selena’s throat and she gasps, wincing…and both unashamed of taking on an audience. I didn’t think anything of it until Selena’s black underwear floats by Seth and I.

“Time to go.” I groan, pulling my feet from the water.

With a lazy laugh, Seth rises and follows. He walks closely behind me as I flee from the pool yard and return to the barbeque area. I grab my phone off the table and check the time. Quarter past seven.

“I should probably go now…” I tell him with a small pout.

I want to stay with him, to finally sleep in his arms again, but I can’t. Not tonight. With a small nod, Seth goes inside and retrieves his car keys off the bench. I follow him through the house, stepping over empty boxes and scrunched newspapers, before finally exiting out the front door. As we walk up the path, Seth threads his fingers through mine. “You’ll stay with me tomorrow night?”

I can’t help but smile up at him. Like I needed and invitation. “Absolutely.”

We approach his white Range Rover and he opens my door for me. “Always the gentleman,” I say, slipping past him and sliding into my seat.

“A gentleman, you say?”

“Through and through.”

His lips curve into his trademark smile. “We’ll have to change that.”

He closes my door and circles the car, climbing in behind the driver’s seat.

“Why do you want to change that?” I ask him out of curiosity. Being a gentleman is a good thing.

“It doesn’t fit me, I’m anything but gentle.”

“I disagree. You’re very gentle…” I think about my words. “…when you want to be.”

“Yeah, well, don’t tell anyone. I punch faces for a living, remember.” He smiles at me as he starts the car. “Being gentle doesn’t do much to help my intimidation factor.”

He reverses out of the driveway and I watch his face. The small, happy twitch in his lips sends my heart fluttering. To think I make him so happy with my mere presence.

Me.

Olivia.

The girl who refused to leave a shitty long term relationship with her cheating boyfriend, the girl whose sexual experience dwindles at two, the girl who ignored her work responsibilities the moment someone attractive was interested in her, and the girl who’s too plain when put up against Seth’s looks and out-going personality. Strangely, he sees me as his equal… like I’m just as intense and attractive as he is.

“You didn’t tell me what your favorite sex position is, by the way,” he says, moistening his bottom lip with his tongue.

“I like them all.”

“All of them? You don’t have a specific favorite?”

I shrug. “You don’t.”

“I do, but I sure as shit wasn’t going to share it Selena and Jackson.”

I fold my arms. “Okay, so what is it?”

He glances sideways at me and then back to the road. “You wanna know?”

“Yes.”

“You really wanna know?”

I slap my palms onto my legs, impatient with his torture. “Seth, come on!”

“With you, it’s missionary.”

A laugh forces its way up my throat and I cover my face with my hands. “Missionary?”

“Yeah, missionary.” He seems almost offended. “What’s wrong with that?”

I tuck my hair behind one ear and pull my hands away from my face. “Nothing is wrong with it. I just assumed you’d have a favorite that’s a little more…dirty.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I like the others just as much, but with you missionary is my favorite. I like being close to you.”

My chest stops hiccupping with giggles as an almost shy expression crosses Seth’s features.

“I like being close to your lips…I like to feel your breath on my face or in my ear and I like it when your hands glide over my arms and shoulders.”

He glances at me again, biting back a smile. “Anyway, that’s my reasoning. What’s your favorite?”

I purse my lips as I contemplate telling him or not. I don’t want to because my position isn’t the same as his and there’s no way I can come up with a reason as sweet as that. Truth is, the position I like the best is purely for animalistic reasons. I like having Seth underneath me and between my legs. I like taking control of him for a change.