One last time, I thought. Just one more. It would be closure. The end.

The very end.

“It...it won’t mean anything,” I whispered.

What are you doing?

Common Sense Ali poked out of the mire of my thoughts.

In that moment, I hated her. I needed this and wasn’t going to argue with her.

“Let’s hope,” he said, the words nothing more than a low growl.

He meshed his lips against mine, infinitely tender, going slowly, savoring every moment, as if he could draw out a response—or was willing to do anything necessary to earn one.

That was all it took.

The spark that had always burned between us exploded into a wild inferno. I thrust my tongue against his, and he thrust back. Neither of us was gentle. I clung to him with all of my strength, demanding more, taking more. Taking everything.

It wasn’t enough.

I wasn’t sure I would ever get enough.

He moved his hands through my hair, fisting the strands at the base of my neck and forcing my head to tilt, allowing him deeper access to my mouth. In that moment, he owned me.

The past ceased to matter. I was the girl who’d been starved, and he was more than the water. He was the honey. I devoured, unable to get enough of him.

“You feel so good,” he rasped, “taste so good. I’ve missed you. Have to have you. Soon. Soon. Don’t send me away.”

“Stay.” My blood fizzed with energy. I tore at his shirt, the force I used causing the fabric to rip. He stumbled backward. Separation. No. I jumped off the counter to follow after him, then pushed him to the floor and straddled his waist.

Our tongues met with even more force. I took more and I gave more, and it was wild, untamed, but it still wasn’t enough for me. He tasted of mint and strawberries, my two favorite things—I needed more. He was firm where I was soft, and every point of contact was electric heat—I needed to be burned.

“Touch me,” I demanded.

He rolled me over, pinning me to the carpet with his muscled weight, his hands frantic as they moved over me. I licked his neck, inhaled his scent.

Yes. Yes!

He came back down for another kiss, but paused just before contact, and frowned. “Your eyes. They’re red.”

In an instant, horror doused the flames. Horror and fear, such ugly fear. I wiggled out from under him, then crab-walked backward, widening the distance between us. “St-stay away from me. You have to stay away.”

“Ali,” he said, reaching for me. “I’m not going to hurt you. I want to help you.”

Oh, glory. “Leave,” I commanded, barely stopping myself from kicking his hand away. I had attacked him once. I wasn’t going to give myself the opportunity to do it again. “Go to school before you get a tardy.”

His hands fisted, fell to his sides. “School is closed today. Twenty-six people were found dead in their homes this morning, and three students were among their numbers. They aren’t in your grade, so I don’t think you ever met them,” he added quickly. “Reports claim antiputrefactive syndrome is now contagious and sweeping through Birmingham, and precautions are being taken until it’s known how it spreads.”

He moved toward me, determined.

“No,” I shouted, scrambling back until I hit the wall. Hot tears streamed down my cheeks. Guess I wasn’t done crying, after all. “Go! Please!”

A long while passed before he stood. He peered down at me, different emotions playing over his features. The anguish of before. Anger. Yearning. “I’m so confused right now.”

The tears fell harder, faster. “Let me clear things up for you. I thought we could be friends. We can’t. I don’t want to see you again. Go away and never come back.”

Chapter 16

We’re All Mad Here

The next few weeks passed in a blur. I no longer hung with the slayers, and I wasn’t willing to patrol the streets on my own. So, I got a part-time job at the coffeehouse down the street, determined to make as much money as I could before I... Well. I worked Wednesday through Sunday, from five to ten. I walked there and back, and had yet to come across a zombie. My coworkers were nice—at first—but my distant attitude eventually got to them, and they soon stopped trying to be my friend.

Thanksgiving came and went, and I realized I was all out of to-do lists. I was living one minute at a time.

Nana tried to draw me out of my “protective shell,” bless her heart, but I was too firmly entrenched. Besides, I hated the holiday. Emma visited for half an hour, but Mom, Dad and Pops didn’t, couldn’t, and celebrating without them sucked.

School started up just a few days after the “illness” hit. No one else had gotten sick, and doctors were still baffled. I wondered if the slain had turned into zombies. I wondered if the slayers had had to kill people they knew.

I wondered—but I never asked.

Reeve avoided me as if I’d contracted social leprosy, and though it was for the best—what I wanted, needed—it wounded me.

The slayers kept their distance, as well. Frosty especially. He couldn’t get over what I’d done to Cole, and now he and Kat were at war because she refused to end our friendship.

For her safety, I confessed my problems to her, explained Frosty was simply concerned for her well-being, and that she would be better off listening to him and staying away from me, and for the first time in our acquaintance, she got mad at me.

“You’re my friend,” she said. “That means something to me.”

“Yes, but why do you like me?” I asked. “I’m nothing special.”

“Nothing special? Everyone makes fun of love at first sight, but, Ali, that’s what I felt for you. Love, not like. You’re the sister I never had, but always wanted. The day we met, when I walked into your hospital room, I saw a scared, pale girl with the most haunted eyes. You’d lost everyone, and I understood. I had to bury my mom, my world, too. So, why don’t you do me a favor and think about why you love me—or if you do?”

“I don’t have to think. I love your loyalty, your sense of humor, your smile, your courage, your total acceptance of me, your support, your dedication, your positivity, your...everything.”

She laughed and hugged me, and then she said ten little words I couldn’t get out of my head. “Good. Now, what are you going to do about Cole?”

Cole...

Oh, that boy. What was I going to do with him? He’d come to my house a few times, and he’d come bearing gifts. A stuffed alligator. Dinner from my favorite hamburger joint located nearly an hour away. A protective cover for my great-great-great-grandfather’s journal.

What the heck did he think he was doing?

I doubted even he knew.

Each time, he’d thrust the gifts at me, almost angrily, before stomping away.

Gavin had come over twice, but I hadn’t opened the door. He’d want to talk about our vision, and I wasn’t sure what to say to him.

I’d poured a Blood Line around the new house. I’d also turned the garage into a gym, using the treadmill and wrestling matt Nana had bought at a thrift store. The stronger I kept my human side, the longer I’d live. At least, that was my hope.

I hadn’t heard any more whispers, thank God, but I also hadn’t had the courage to look at my reflection. I’d tried to call Dr. Bendari, using the new number on my caller ID. Unavailable yet again, I inwardly cursed.

“—paying any attention to me?” Kat asked.

I blinked into focus. She stood on the other side of the wrestling matt. Today was my day off from the coffee shop, so, after school, she’d driven me home and we’d decided to work on her self-defense. “Sorry,” I mumbled. “I’m easily distracted lately. Maybe it would be better if Frosty took over your lessons.”

Exasperated, she spread her arms to encompass the entire room. “Do you hear this?” she said to no one. “Ali, you know I’m not speaking to him ever again, right? Every day he commands me to stay away from you.”

“He’s just trying to protect you,” I reminded her.

“Well, there are better ways.” She unwound the tape from her knuckles. “Come on. Let’s wash up and head out. I feel like punishing you for your continued negativity.”

“And just how are you going to do that?”

“You’ll see.”

Well, all right, then. As if I could deny her anything—even the right to punish me. I used Nana’s shower, and Kat used mine. Nowadays, we worked out so much she always brought a change of clothes with her.

We found Nana in the kitchen.

“You’re getting Ali to go somewhere other than school and work?” she said to Kat. “It’s a miracle.”

I kissed her on the cheek. Her arms wrapped around me, and she held on for a long while, as if she couldn’t bear to let go of me... As if she knew I was slipping away. When finally she released me, there were tears in her eyes.

“Nana...” I said, a lump growing in my throat. I hated that I was hurting her.

“Go,” she said, waving me off. “Have fun. Be a teenager for once in your life.”

Kat and I climbed into her car and headed north. The sky was gray today, the sun shielded by heavy clouds. I didn’t allow myself to search for a rabbit. I didn’t want to know.

My phone rang. I checked the screen, but I didn’t recognize the number. I chewed on my bottom lip, hopeful.

“Hello,” I said, a tremor in my voice.

“Would you like to set up another meeting, Miss Bell?”

Dr. Bendari.

I nearly whooped with relief. “Where have you been?”

“Out of the country, if you must know. Do you have an answer for me?”

“Yes. And yes, I would.”

“Will you actually make this one?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Now that you’re away from the surgeon, I can pick you up at midnight.”

He always knew my every move. How? His source, whoever it was, couldn’t watch me 24/7...right? “Okay,” I said. “I’ll be ready.”