‘I’m pregnant.’ I sob. ‘I lied to you. I’m sorry.’

He physically starts twitching and drops me, stepping back, his eyes wide, his frown line deep. ‘What?’

I brush my rolling tears away and drop my eyes to the floor. I feel so ashamed of myself. He’s no saint, but while he was trying to make life, I was thinking about destroying it. That really is unforgivable, not that I could ever tell him what I was thinking. ‘You make me so mad.’ I whisper pitifully. ‘You make me mad and then you make me so happy. I didn’t know what to do.’ It’s a feeble and pathetic excuse.

When a few silent, awkward moments have past, and he still hasn’t spoken, I chance a glance at him. He looks in shock.

‘Fuck! Ava, are you trying to get me sectioned?’ His hands delve into his hair, and he looks up to the sky. ‘Are you fucking with my mind because I really don’t need this, lady. I’ve just got my head around you not pregnant, and now you are?’

‘I always have been.’

His head drops and so do his hands. They just dangle by his sides as he studies me closely, a disbelieving look on his face. ‘When were you going to tell me?’

‘When I accepted it.’ I don’t even think I’m lying, and my lack of need to try and restrain my natural reflex is telling me so. Maybe I was trying to make the most of dominant Jesse before he starts treating me like glass again. I don’t even know. I’ve been so stupid.

‘We’re having a baby?’ He barely whispers the words, and I nod my confirmation. I can’t talk. His eyes fall from mine to my stomach and linger for a while, and then I see a tear trickle down his cheek. It enflames the guilt further, but when he drops to his knees, I lose complete control of my own weeping. I’m just standing and crying, watching his slumped body silently shedding tears in front of me. I really have fucked with his head, as if he needs it where I’m concerned.

My natural response to my beautiful, neurotic man’s reaction is to walk straight to him and join him on the floor. My arms creep over his shoulders and hold him tight to me as he sobs into my neck, his hands drifting all over my back, like he’s checking that I’m really here.

‘I’m so sorry.’ I say quietly.

He doesn’t speak. He stands and lifts me with him before taking me to his car and depositing me in the passenger seat, remaining silent as he buckles me in. Taking his phone from the inside pocket of his suit jacket, he shuts the door before walking off and making a call while he moves my new car to the side of the driveway.

He returns and puts my bag between my feet before driving us home in complete silence.

Chapter 13

He still hasn’t said a word by the time we pull up at Lusso. He gets out and collects me, walking me straight past a cautious looking Casey and putting me in the penthouse elevator. I glance up at him, but he’s keeping his gaze pointed forward, not even meeting my eyes when I look at him in the reflection of the doors. When he opens the door into the penthouse, Cathy appears from the kitchen, her happy smile dropping away as soon as she notices her cheerfulness isn’t being reciprocated.

‘Is everything okay?’ She assesses us both, then looks to Jesse for an answer, but he just hands me my bag and nods towards the stairs. I look at him, silently begging for some words. He doesn’t indulge me. He nods again.

‘Boy?’ Cathy prompts warily.

‘Everything is fine. Ava’s not feeling too well.’ He lightly pushes into my back with his hand, urging me forward.

‘Are you coming?’ I ask.

‘I’ll be up in a minute. Go.’ He reinforces his words with a firmer push of his hand, and I leave him with Cathy.

As I’m passing Jesse’s sweet housekeeper, she reaches out and gently strokes my shoulder, giving me a small smile. ‘I’m glad you’re home, Ava.’

I return her smile. It’s a feeble smile. I feel uncertain and a little concerned by Jesse’s despondent state. ‘Thank you.’ I make my way upstairs, entering the master-suite and settling on the end of the bed.

Not knowing what to do, I kick my shoes off and shuffle myself up the bed a little more. My eyes are brimming with tears again as I clutch my knees to my chest and wait for him. I know that right now is when we’ll talk about this, now we have both acknowledged what is happening; but in order to have a talk, both of us need to be speaking, and Jesse doesn’t look like he plans on saying anything. I have no idea what is going through that crazy mind of his and the strained atmosphere is pushing doubts back into me. I need reassurance, not silence, not time to talk my way back out of this.

My head snaps up when he enters the bedroom, but he doesn’t look at me. Instead, he goes straight to the bathroom. I hear the waterfall tap of the bath start pouring and the faffing of his movements as he follows through on his usual bath time routine, collecting everything he’ll need and placing it within reach. We’re having a bath?

After way too long of me just sitting on the bed, listening to the water running and Jesse’s quiet activities, he eventually walks soundlessly into the bedroom and approaches me without a word. Taking my hand and pulling me up from the bed, he strips me down, removes my diamond and my Rolex, for which I haven’t even thanked him, before picking me up and carrying me into the bathroom.

He lowers me gently into the bath. ‘Is the water okay?’ he asks softly, releasing me and kneeling by the side of the tub.

‘It’s fine,’ I answer, watching as he removes his suit jacket and unbuttons the cuffs of his shirt before pushing them up his arms. He collects the sponge and dips, then squeezes some soap on it and turns me away from him. He starts gliding it across my back in gentle, steady strokes.

I’m a little confused. ‘Aren’t you getting in?’ I ask quietly. I want him to lay behind me so I can feel him, take comfort in him. I need that.

‘Let me look after you.’ His voice is low and unsure. I don’t like it.

I turn myself around to face him, finding glazed green eyes and a stoic expression. It pulls at my heart. I’ve really fucked with his mind this time. ‘I need you closer than this.’ I reach up with my wet hand and lay my palm on his cheek. ‘Please,’

He watches me carefully for a few moments, like he’s deciding whether he should, but he eventually sighs and drops the sponge, before he stands and slowly removes his clothes. Stepping in behind me, he lowers himself to cocoon me completely. I feel immediately better with his warm hardness cradling me, but I can’t see him, so I turn over and sit on his lap, encouraging his knees up so I can lean back and look at him. I take his hands and interlace our fingers, and we both watch in silence as we play with each other’s hands, our tangled fingers glimmering now and then when our rings catch the reflections of the water. It’s not a difficult silence anymore.

‘Why did you lie to me, Ava?’ he whispers, still watching our snaking fingers working together.

My movements falter for a few moments but don’t stop completely. It’s a question that I predicted and it’s one that needs answering. ‘I was scared. I’m still scared.’ It’s nothing but the truth, and he needs to hear it. He needs to know that this whole situation terrifies me.