“Don’t be offended. He’s like that with everyone except for Jamie and me. My cousin is one of the hardest people to get to know.”

“Well, I’d still like to try,” said Stu, and there was a determined note in voice that made me curious.

“Why?”

He lifted a shoulder. “He seems interesting.”

“He is interesting, but I’m not sure you two would get along. You’re very different kinds of people.”

Stu’s lips drew into a tight line and he seemed annoyed with what I’d said. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means exactly what I said. You and Alfie are polar opposites, plus, he’s incredibly paranoid. He doesn’t let new people in very often, and if I brought you to the flat he’d get freaked.”

“So what do you do when you want to bring a man home? Sneak him inside while your cousin is asleep, then ship him out before he wakes up in the morning?”

“No,” I answered before thinking it through. “I don’t bring men home.”

Stu came around to face me, his expression disbelieving. “Never?”

“Never,” I said, feeling a blush creep in. A moment of quiet ensued.

“So . . . eh, when’s the last time you—?”

“Oh my God, I’m not discussing this with you. I’m getting into my car now, okay? I’ll see you in class in the morning.” I felt self-conscious. He knew how long it had been since Mark’s passing. Would he laugh at my celibacy or be understanding about it?

“Come on, Andrea. Don’t just run off when things get personal. I’m trying to get to know you.”

When I reached my car I opened the door, threw my bag into the passenger seat, then turned back to Stu. “That’s just the thing, you shouldn’t be trying to get to know me at all.”

I slid into the car before he could respond, closing the door and slotting my key in the ignition. I was on edge as I pulled away from my parents’ house. In my driver’s side mirror, I saw Stu standing on the street, his frustration evident in the way he clenched his fists.

I’d let things go way too far tonight and it wasn’t his fault. Even though he was older, he was still my student. I was in a position of power over him and it was wrong to let him kiss me. I should’ve stopped him, should never had let things progress that far. But I’d been incapable of resisting. His touched had stoked a fire in me that had lain dormant for years, and it felt almost freeing to let it out, like I’d been waiting all this time for the right person to bring it out of me. Was Stu that person?

No, he couldn’t be.

My hand started to tremble as my attention fell to my ring finger, where my wedding band sat, like always. My shirt sleeve was rolled up, revealing the end of the tattoo I got a year after Mark passed away. I felt like I needed to commemorate him in some way, so on the inside of my left forearm I had a small M shaped into a heart surrounded by pretty flowers. I’d caught Stu staring at it once or twice, but he never asked me about it. Perhaps he knew it was too personal.

Even distracted by the tattoo I couldn’t get his kiss out of my head and I felt awful, because even though he was gone, I felt like I’d betrayed the man I’d loved since I was seventeen years old. And that was the most disconcerting part of all.

***

A fresh batch of overdue bills arrived the following morning. I shoved them into my bag on my way out the door, too afraid to leave them in the flat in case Alfie found them. My cousin was blissfully unaware of how bad things had become and I planned to keep it that way.

When I arrived at college, I immediately spotted Stu’s car a few spaces away from where I parked. The fact that he was here made me nervous. We’d both acted completely inappropriately last night, and I was scared of him telling someone. My stomach tensed at the very idea.

As I approached the entrance, I saw him leaning against the wall smoking a cigarette. Our eyes locked and we both moved at the same time, reaching for the door handle. Our bodies collided, knocking my handbag off my shoulder and sending my bills spilling out onto the ground.

Crap.

It was just my luck that the most visible one had a big red OVERDUE stamped on the envelope. Stu bent over to help me pick them up, and I knew he could see it. A deep sense of shame washed over me. It was ridiculous, because it wasn’t like paying for your deceased husband’s medical bills was anything to be ashamed about, but I felt it all the same.

“Here,” said Stu, handing me the letters. I shoved them back into my bag, glad when he didn’t comment on them.

“Thanks.”

Hurriedly, I made my way inside, feeling uncomfortable. All that morning, I felt jittery. Was he staring at me because of the kiss or the bills? I kept dropping things and making mistakes all the way through until lunch. When the bell finally rang, I felt like I needed some air and decided to take a little walk around the grounds.

About fifteen minutes later I returned to the classroom and found Stu waiting for me. No other students were around and I hovered in the doorway, wary of his presence.

“Do you need something?” I asked.

Stu’s gaze was intense. His hazel eyes first traced over my face then wandered down my body. My outfit was plain and conservative, but the way he looked at me made me feel naked. Like he could see everything, visualise it in his head even though he’d never actually seen it.

My throat went dry.

“I want to talk to you, Andrea. Come in and shut the door,” he said, his voice commanding. It was like we’d switched roles and all of a sudden he was the one in charge. On instinct I did as he requested, closing the door and stepping inside the room. I took a seat at one of the desks and waited for him to speak. When he didn’t say anything for a long moment, I grew even more antsy.

“For crying out loud, just spit it out,” I blurted, unable to take any more silence.

“You need to introduce me to your cousin,” Stu answered. “Properly this time.”

I furrowed my brow, not understanding. This was the last thing I expected him to say. If I was being honest, I thought he was about to proposition me, especially after the way his eyes raked my body.

“Alfie? Why?”

“I’ll explain everything once you introduce us, but it has to be today. I’ve been stalling and now I’m running out of time.”