“I know.”

Sarsine looked at her closely. “Arin would offend her. He wouldn’t agree to this if he were here.”

Kestrel wasn’t so sure. She thought that Roshar knew a secret about the queen and Arin that Sarsine didn’t. She said, “It doesn’t matter to me.”

But it did.

Four days later, Kestrel was in the kitchen gardens on the grounds. She weeded. She liked it. She enjoyed knowing what belonged and what didn’t. There’d been a few mistakes at first, particularly with cooking herbs, but she knew what she was doing now. There was a plea sure in snapping pea pods from their stems and dropping them into her basket. She liked the bitter, ashy scent of the stunted plants that bore striped erasti, a fruit that grew only on this peninsula and only in this month. It was used in savory dishes. Kestrel picked them carefully. The cook, who’d been amusedly gentle with Kestrel’s gardening and her mistakes, had sucked in his breath when she’d first brought in a basket of erasti. They’d been unripe. “You must wait.” His tone was as close to chastisement as it ever got. “Leave them on the vine until they look like they’ll explode if you touch them.”

Her skin had burned on the first day of gardening, then peeled. She tanned. At first, she’d used a little knife to scrape out the dirt beneath her nails. Now she didn’t bother.

Today the wind was high. The earth was soft. She didn’t hear Arin approach.

“I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

Kestrel glanced up at him. The wind swirled her hair into her face. She couldn’t see his expression and wanted to hide her own. She didn’t like what she felt. Relief, that he was safe. And a very different emotion: simmering, awful.

He said, “I need to speak with you.”

She knew from his tone what this was about. Knew that she had been right. She turned back to the plants. “I’m busy,” she told him. Green juice trickled down her wrist. The fruit went into the basket.

He crouched next to her between the plants. Gently, he pushed the stray, windborn strands of hair from her face. His thumb touched her cheek. She looked at him then. He was unwashed, hair knotted, clothes rimed white with salt, his jaw green and yellow from an old bruise. His boots were Valorian, high and hooked.

She didn’t want to see how the sun jeweled his eyes, or for her skin to feel suddenly alive simply because he had touched her. She didn’t want him to look at her as if there were a door inside her he wanted to open and enter.

She said, “You should marry the queen.”

He dropped his hand. “No.”

“Then you’re a fool.”

“I’ve asked Inisha to move into the governor’s palace.”

“Twice a fool. Beg her back.”

“Listen, please. When I was in the east, I thought all the wrong things of you. And you were engaged. You wouldn’t change your mind. I asked you . . .” Arin stopped.

She heard the memory of his voice: Marry him. But be mine in secret.

She ached at the memory of it, saw her hurt mirrored in his eyes as he remembered it, too, saw the echo of his expression last winter, in a tavern. He had begged for scraps. Hated himself for it. Asked anyway.

“It was a kiss,” Arin said. “Nothing more. There are no promises between me and the queen.”

“You have no sense of self-preservation.” Her heart was pounding hard. “If you’ve made no promises, you had better make them now. Why do you think she has allied with you?”

“Why doesn’t matter.”

“Of course it does.” She leaped to her feet. He followed her, caught the hand that held the basket. “Was it a ploy?” she demanded. Her heart was beating in a double rhythm now. Fear and anger, fear and anger. “Did you kiss her so that she’d believe your alliance would be permanent?”

“No.”

“Then why?”

“Because I wanted to!” The words burst from him. “Because she wanted me, and it felt too good to be wanted.”

Kestrel took a shuddering breath. How was it possible to be wounded by someone she didn’t even love? The wind rode high. It whipped hair across her mouth. She waited until she could speak evenly. “I think that you don’t understand the politics of this situation. Did you expect the queen to come to Herran?”

“No.”

“Did Roshar?” But she knew the answer.

“Yes.”

“Yet your friend didn’t tell you.”

Arin paused. “No.”