“I didn’t use as much as her,” I retorted.

“You drained yourself! That seems like a lot to me.”

“Yeah, well,” I said angrily, “there are a bunch of dhampirs back in Lana’s camp who’d disagree with you. They’re grateful for what I did.”

But not Olive, whispered Aunt Tatiana. She has nothing to say at all.

“Adrian,” said Sydney, obviously trying for calm, “I’m sure they are grateful, but we’ve been over this. You need to go back on your medication. You can’t save everybody. You can’t use spirit indiscriminately and ignore the cost to yourself. You’re putting your life in danger.”

“What kind of life would I have—what kind of person would I be—if I hoarded that magic and let others suffer? I can’t, Sydney. If I see someone, and I can help, I’m going to. I can’t sit by and abandon them!”

“And I can’t sit by and let you keep hurting yourself,” she cried, losing that calm again.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, rolling over to my side. “I guess I can’t change who I am.”

Long moments passed, and finally she rolled onto her side too so that our backs faced one another. Icy silence fell. So much for a peaceful or romantic night.

She doesn’t understand, Aunt Tatiana told me. She never will.

I need her to, I answered back in my head. I need her in my life to understand and support me. Without her, I’m lost.

You’ll always have me, came the phantom response.

I tugged the covers more tightly over me, thinking with dread about how one of these days, I was going to have to deal with the elephant in the room—or rather, the dead queen in my head. I was fairly certain that if I went back on my medication, Aunt Tatiana would go away . . . but then, so would spirit. Was I ready for that again? Without spirit, I never would’ve been able to heal those dhampirs. I wouldn’t be able to help in the upcoming rescue for Jill. Without spirit, what was I?

Spirit couldn’t save Olive, remarked Aunt Tatiana. It’s overrated.

“Shut up,” I mumbled.

Behind me, Sydney stirred. “Did you say something?”

I rolled back over and kissed her shoulder. “I said I’m sorry. I love you.”

Chapter 12

I WENT TO BED FEELING UNSETTLED. Adrian had swung back too quickly from his opposing stance for me to believe he’d truly had a change of heart. When morning came, though, there was little opportunity for further discussion. Declan demanded our attention, and then, before long, it was time for us to go and help the others search for Alicia. Before joining the witches, however, Adrian and I first had a much-needed reunion with some of our friends.

We went to Adrian’s old apartment with Rose and Dimitri, triggering another wave of nostalgia as I thought back to all the time I’d spent there. Long afternoons lounging around in Adrian’s arms, before we were married, before we were constantly pursued . . . I’d thought we were living on the edge back then, but compared to what we faced these days, life had been deceptively simple.

Trey Juarez greeted us at the door¸ his easy grin growing even bigger as he took in Adrian and me. “Been a long time, Melbourne. Or do I call you Ivashkov now?”

I returned his powerful embrace. When Adrian had left Palm Springs to live at Court, he’d given his apartment to Trey. “I’m still just trying to get you to call me Sydney,” I told him. I introduced Rose and Dimitri to him and then glanced around the apartment, still the sunny yellow shade that Adrian had painted it. Eddie and Neil were there waiting for us, and I gave them hugs too. “Where’s Angeline?”

“At Amberwood. She’s got summer classes.”

“Does she?” I asked in surprise. “I didn’t know that. I thought she was just boarding there for the summer.”

“She was,” Trey agreed, a sparkle in his eyes. “And then I convinced her some extra studying would help her with classes in the fall.”

“The fall?” I settled down on the couch, trying not to think of the times Adrian and I had curled up together on it. “I figured she’d go back to the Keepers.”

“You should know her better than that,” said Neil wryly. “The queen agreed to fund her education as a way of thanking her for looking after Jill all this time.” I almost didn’t process his words. The sight of Neil reminded me of Declan, waiting back at Clarence’s. Adrian and I had agreed it was best to wait to tell Neil the news, but it was a huge secret to be carrying.

“Angeline almost refused,” added Trey. “Said she didn’t deserve it since she’d let Jill slip away. But I convinced her Jill will want a well-educated guardian when we rescue her—and that Amberwood’s not that far of a drive from UCLA.”

I smiled, despite a pang of jealousy. Trey was going to college soon, something I’d been denied initially because I was part of the Alchemists. Now, being constantly on the run from them, it seemed unlikely I’d go anytime soon. “Look at you, setting a good example for others,” I teased.

“Hey,” he said, “I meant all of it. And we are going to get Jill back, right? Explain this lead you’ve got. Eddie said it’s some girl you fought before?”

The light mood instantly shifted as we got down to business. “Her name’s Alicia DeGraw,” I explained, getting out my phone. “We don’t entirely know where or how she’s holding Jill, but it seems pretty clear now she’s doing it as a way to get back at me. Her last clue led to the Salton Sea, and that’s where Ms. Terwilliger’s friends are going to help us search today.” I showed him Alicia’s picture, which Ms. Terwilliger had obtained from a friend of hers who’d known Alicia back when she was Veronica’s apprentice. It had been taken a couple of years before I met Alicia, but she looked the same: hipster glasses, excessive accessories, and bobbed, pale blond hair.

Trey’s eyes widened. “I know this girl.” Seeing our astonished looks, he hastily amended: “That is, I’ve seen her. She came here looking for you and Adrian. I told you guys . . . but I never caught her name.”

Vaguely, I recalled Trey mentioning a girl who’d come by asking for Adrian and me during the time I’d been held captive by the Alchemists. We’d been so preoccupied by other things—like escaping with our lives from the Alchemists—that the incident had slipped our minds.