Dave also appeared astonished. Astonishment was the appropriate reaction. ‘Five?’ he said. ‘I mean, that’s—’

‘—less than you, right?’ Gene was smiling.

‘I don’t cheat on my wife, but—’

It was only four more than me! ‘What about the open marriage? What about the map?’

‘The open marriage never got off the ground. The first woman had issues. Bunny-boiling types of issues. I had enough of that with my first wife.’

‘Game isn’t worth the candle,’ said George.

‘Not at this age, anyway,’ said Gene.

‘What about the map?’ I asked—again. There were twenty-four pins in Gene’s map before he had temporarily reformed and pulled it down. ‘What about Icelandic Woman?’

‘I buy dinner. If they’re up for having dinner one-on-one, I reckon that’s a date. You don’t go out to dinner by yourself with a married man unless you’re up for it. The rest would follow if I wanted it to.’

This was incredible. The consequences of Gene lying to make his behaviour appear worse than it was had been disastrous. I pointed out the obvious.

‘Claudia threw you out because you admitted to having sex with Icelandic Woman. But you only purchased dinner. Correct?’

‘Actually, I had to fight her off. She was—what is it you say, George?’

‘No Jerry Hall?’

Gene laughed.

I brought the discussion back on track. ‘So tell Claudia the truth and she’ll accept you back. All problems solved.’

‘It’s not as easy as that.’

‘Why not?’

We all looked at Gene. Nobody spoke. We were acting like therapists. I was wishing that I could fix the Rosie problem simply by telling the truth.

‘I doubt Claudia would have any interest in me if I wasn’t who she thinks I am. It’s part of why she’s attracted to me.’

‘She’s attracted to you because you cheat?’ I said. ‘All theories…your theories—’

‘Women like men who can attract other women. They need to be reminded that they’ve got someone other women want. Look at George. All that form didn’t stop you finding three more wives.’

‘If I hadn’t had the form, maybe I could have got by with one. But Don’s got a fair point—there’s nothing to lose by coming clean.’

‘It’s deeper than that. We let it go too long, till it was past saving. If I look back, it was after Eugenie was born. I started playing the game, even if I didn’t take it all the way. You can’t neglect a marriage for nine years and expect to go back. Anyway, I’ve found someone else.’

‘Who?’

‘You know who. I’ve shared my secret.’ He turned to Dave. ‘What about you?’

Dave looked back at Gene. ‘You’ll understand what this means. The baby’s not mine.’

We were stunned into being therapists again and waited for Dave to speak.

‘We did the IVF thing, and I’ve got some problems. Some to do with the weight, some not. So in the end it was her egg and some other guy’s wriggler.’

I presumed wriggler was a synonym for sperm and not penis.

‘Now I’m wondering if me not being around, working late—all the stuff Sonia complains about—is because I don’t want to put time into some kid who doesn’t have my genes. I mean, subconsciously.’ He looked at Gene. ‘Like you said.’

‘Shit,’ said Gene. ‘There’s nothing wrong with working hard to earn a dollar.’

‘Funny,’ said Dave. ‘Until you told me about how the gene thing worked, I was afraid that Sonia would leave me. Now I realise I’ve got no more investment in our baby than I have in Dave the Calf. And if she figures that out, then why would she want me around?’

Gene laughed. ‘Sorry, I’m not laughing at you. I’m laughing at the complexity of the whole business. Trust me, Sonia won’t leave you because of that. The great thing about homo sapiens is that we’ve got a brain that can override our instincts. If we want it to.’

I had been so interested in the revelations from George, Gene and Dave—astonishing revelations—that I had not had time to think of one of my own. George saved me.

‘Don told us his bit the other night, when he said he was doing it hard with his marriage. Want to give us an update?’

‘I’m acquiring knowledge of the birth process. I have professional-level expertise on the subject of attachment of babies to same-sex and mixed-sex couples, and the consequent impact on oxytocin levels. And I’m seeing a therapist to review progress.’

‘How’s the relationship?’ said George.

‘With Rosie?’

‘That’d be the one.’

‘No change. I haven’t had a chance to apply the knowledge yet.’

We were all silent in the taxi on the way home. Two thoughts were occupying my mind: Gene’s lies had cost him his marriage. And telling the truth could no longer save it.

When the elevator stopped at my floor, George asked if I had a few minutes to check something upstairs.

‘It’s extremely late,’ I said, although I suspected I would have trouble sleeping. I had not drunk sufficient alcohol to counteract the effects of adrenaline from the excitement of Dave the Calf and, despite reinstating my original bedtime schedule, I had slept erratically since the removal of the mattress.