After he showered, we sat down at the table and ate. When I asked Cannon if he wanted to talk about today, he shook his head. So I bored him with stories of my work, and showed him pictures of Enchilada on my phone. After that, things fell back into our normal, easy rhythm. We did the dishes, watched TV, and then went our separate ways for bed. Despair bloomed in my chest as I crawled into bed alone.

The need to comfort Cannon, to be near him, to make sure he was okay was unbearable. But I wouldn’t go to him, not tonight. Not unless he made it clear that he needed me. The last time I’d crept into his room, he’d given me what I came seeking, the hot sex I craved, but he’d also warned me that we shouldn’t do it again. I wouldn’t be that girl—the kind who had no self-control, no self-worth, someone who would drop her principles at the door and open her legs. No, thank you. I had to be able to live with myself when this was done.

Movement in my doorway momentarily startled me.

“Hey,” Cannon said, stopping in the door frame.

“Is everything okay?” I sat up in bed, studying him in his gray sleep shorts that hung invitingly low on his hips.

“Yeah.” He rubbed the back of his neck, looking unsure like I’d never seen him before. “You okay with some company?”

And because I couldn’t say no to one of Cannon’s requests, even if I wanted to, I nodded. It was the first sign that maybe we weren’t yet done, despite what he’d said.

Soon we were spooned together under the blankets.

“Thanks for today, Paige,” he said, his voice low and sleepy.

“Of course.” I didn’t do much other than sneak out of work early to comfort a friend, but I was glad it had helped in some small way.

“It’s crazy, but today opened my eyes to what I want to do, what I’ve always been interested in but didn’t trust myself.”

“What’s that?”

“I want to be a cardiologist. I know it’s competitive; I know it’s going to be tough. I know over the course of my career, I’ll have days like today that will make me wonder why I chose this at all, but something you said today really stuck with me.”

“What did I say?”

“That I’d save many more lives than I would lose.”

“It’s true, you know,” I whispered back.

“I know,” he said, placing a tender kiss against my forehead.

He tugged me close so that I was nuzzled against his bare chest, smelling his intoxicating scent—bodywash and Cannon. He was opening up to me, in more ways than one, and I liked being there for him when he needed me.

Cannon whispered good night and tightened his grip around me once more.

I knew this couldn’t last. Playing pretend with my best friend’s little brother was one thing, but actually having a real relationship with him was quite another. But I also knew that I didn’t want to pretend anymore.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Paige

The phone call that came in the middle of the night startled us both. I knew by now that Cannon slept with his cell next to the bed, and since he used it as his alarm clock, the volume was kept turned up.

When I woke up, he was yelling something into the phone.

“No. Fuck no!” he roared before punching one fist into the mattress. “Just breathe. I’ll be right over.”

“Cannon?” I sat up in bed, my heart pounding a million beats a minute. “Who was that?”

“My mom,” he croaked, his voice still hoarse with sleep. “My stepdad’s dead.”

• • •

Bob’s death sent a shock wave through the family. As expected, Cannon’s mom was nearly inconsolable, but he and Allie weren’t faring much better. In the years that their mom had been married to him, Bob had been her rock. He’d taken care of everything for Susanne, providing her with a nice home, a comfortable life, and most of all, love and stability. Now all of that had been ripped away, it wasn’t easy watching Cannon and Allie have to face their mother’s new reality.

Bob was Jewish, so after the formal funeral proceedings at the synagogue, we were now back at the house to sit shivah, which meant the mirrors in the house were covered and the lights were kept low, with candles burning instead. Bob’s sister had come over to instruct Susanne since none of the Roth side of the family were Jewish, and they didn’t know the correct procedures.

I was sitting at the kitchen island sipping a bottle of beer. I didn’t even like beer, but Allie and I were hiding in the kitchen, and that was all that was available. Finger foods and a couple of bottles of wine were set out in the living room, but I didn’t want to abandon Allie, and I definitely didn’t want to get into another long conversation with one of Bob’s relatives.

Bob had had a massive heart attack in his sleep. Although he’d always been a snorer, Susanne had noticed he was unusually silent that night. And rather than revel in the silence and get a good night’s sleep, she said she immediately knew something was wrong. It was just after midnight when she discovered her husband wasn’t breathing. She’d called 911, and then while she waited for the ambulance to arrive, she’d called her son who was soon to be a doctor. He’d rushed right over.

After taking another long swig from my bottle, I gave Allie’s shoulder an encouraging pat. “It’ll be okay, somehow, Allie. It has to, right?”

She sniffed and gave me a slight nod. “Yeah. It will. I’m just worried about Cannon.”