An hour later, Ellen and Patrick had the place to themselves, but instead of sleeping they were eating their way through a bag of marshmallows and playing the Dragon Blade Chronicles on Jack’s PlayStation. Since having a stepson, she’d done a lot of ninja fighting.

“You’re getting pretty good,” said Patrick, after he’d defeated her for the fifth time. “For a lentil-eating hippie girl.”

“It’s strangely addictive,” said Ellen. “And actually, lentils are not my favorite legume.”

“Leg what?”

“Just shut up and eat your marshmallows.”

They sat silently for a few seconds, chewing.

Finally Patrick cleared his throat and said carefully, “OK, enough is enough. We still haven’t got to the main item on the agenda.”

“Just forget about it,” said Ellen. “Honestly. Let’s play another game.” She picked up the console. Patrick took it from her and put it back on the coffee table.

“Is that the first time I’ve said anything like that under hypnosis?”

“Yes.”

“It’s just that you once said to me that hypnotherapy was completely consensual,” said Patrick, “that no hypnotist could make you do or say anything that you didn’t want, and I certainly did not want to say that in front of you.”

Maybe your subconscious wanted to tell me, thought Ellen.

“Well, this is where it gets messy because I’m not just your therapist, I’m your partner,” she said in her professional voice. “I don’t normally lie in bed with my clients!” She gave a horrible fake little laugh, but Patrick wasn’t smiling. “I think you were probably half asleep, half in a trance. Anyway, it really doesn’t matter—”

“Doesn’t matter? Of course it matters!” said Patrick. “What a thing for you to hear! And the thing is, it gives you a completely skewed idea of how I do feel, and ever since you told me, I’ve been struggling to think of the right way to put this.”

“It’s OK,” murmured Ellen. If she hadn’t compromised her professional integrity so badly, this horribly awkward conversation would never have had to take place.

“Have you ever had any doubts about this relationship? Ever compared me to one of your previous exes? Ever had a thought cross your mind that you wouldn’t want me to know?”

“I don’t know, I guess.” She squirmed. Throughout the course of their relationship there had been a whole plethora of thoughts and feelings that she wouldn’t want him to know about.

“What about that day after we visited Colleen’s parents and I was being a bastard, did you think to yourself, Geez, what have I got myself into here?”

“I … don’t really remember.” She remembered how she’d relived the weekend in the mountains with Jon the whole way home.

“Of course you’ve had moments of doubt. You probably felt like strangling me when I left those boxes in the hallway, but the thing is, you don’t say every single thought that crosses your mind out loud.”

“Yes,” said Ellen. His eyes held hers. She looked away. “I mean no.”

A feeling of misery swept over her. All day she’d been waiting for him to deny what he’d said, to somehow explain it away, and even though she wouldn’t have believed him, she’d been perfectly prepared to begin the process of deluding herself. Now she just had to grin and bear it: Her husband would always be looking at her and wishing she was his first wife.

“I understand,” she began bravely.

“You do not,” said Patrick.

“Oh, OK.”

“You think love is black and white. All women think that. And they’re wrong. Women are really intelligent except for when they’re being really stupid.”

She punched him, quite hard, on the arm.

“Ow. Look, I’m still not saying this right.” He chewed on the inside of his mouth with an expression that was so frustrated it was almost anguished.

“It’s all right.” She rubbed his arm where she’d punched him. “I do understand.”

“Have I been talking too much about Colleen lately?” said Patrick abruptly.

Ellen shrugged and smiled.

“I’m sorry.” He picked up her hand. “She’s been on my mind, ever since we got engaged and you told me about the baby. It’s because I’ve felt so happy. Even with Saskia still hanging about. I haven’t felt this happy since Colleen was pregnant with Jack. And that’s made me think about her, remembering things.”

He ran his thumb over her knuckles.

“Colleen told me I’d fall in love again, and have more babies, and I said I wouldn’t. I said I’d never be happy again. But I am. Sometimes I think, actually, this is better than it ever was with Colleen. It’s deeper, it’s more grown-up. It’s just … better. Then I thank God and the Internet that I met you! And then I feel bad for Colleen, because it’s like I’m thinking, Thank God she died.”

“Right.” She wasn’t sure if she believed him, or if he just wanted to make her feel better.

“I’m not sure if you believe me, but it’s the truth. Don’t you ever have thoughts that totally contradict each other? Isn’t it possible to feel one thing one day and the opposite the next?”

“I guess. Well, yes.” She really wasn’t enjoying this role. It was mildly humiliating. She was the one who was meant to ask the wise questions, to gently lead the less emotionally intelligent to new insights.