Through the slits of his eyes he saw her turn and cast a stricken look his way, her mouth open in a nice, shocked O.

“Seth,” she said, rushing to him. “Oh, God, did you hurt your bad leg? I’m so sorry. I don’t know what—”

Then she squealed as he grabbed her, pulled her down and rolled until she was under him. He pressed her down and his eyes glittered as he flashed an evil smile. “My bad leg is the right one. But you hit a police officer. That’s assault. It might be a felony. Depends on the extenuating circumstances.”

“Like you’re just a bastard?” she asked, struggling to push him off.

He held her down effortlessly. “Like temporary insanity. On your part.”

“Get off me, you brute. Or I’ll scream so loud your mother will bring the cleaver.”

“You already screamed. The mower is still humming. Why’d you hit me? I was trying to be nice.”

“No, you weren’t! You were being your usual manipulative self!”

Offended, he grabbed her arms. “When was I manipulative? I’m never manipulative! Unless it’s work oriented! I’m trained to manipulate criminals!”

“Oh-ho, is that right? The last time you said you needed me, you helped yourself to my virginity and took someone else to the prom! Now let me go!”

He was stunned. He went perfectly still. And he was much heavier because he wasn’t holding his weight off her. Iris was gasping for breath and pushing with all her might. He outweighed her by a good fifty pounds. He lifted up, but just enough so she could breathe. He obviously wasn’t letting her get away until he had answers. “What?” he said.

She took a deep breath. Tears came to her eyes. “You heard me. That night. When you broke up with Sassy, got drunk and I took you out of that party before you got in real trouble. I took you to the lookout to sober up a little. You said, ‘Come on, Iris, I need you.’ Then you got me out of my shorts and...”

“No,” he said.

“I know. You don’t remember, right? After it was over I could figure out—you probably didn’t even realize it was me! Jackass!”

“No,” he said again. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

She laughed. “So everyone in school, in town, could say mean things like, ‘Who is Iris kidding? Why would he hook up with her?’ Don’t you think it hurt enough without that?”

“God,” he said, shock still paralyzing him. “Iris...”

“Oh, shut up and get off me!”

He rolled off her and sat on the grass. He pulled his knees up and leaned his arms on them. “Jesus, what an ass**le I must’ve been.”

Iris sat up. “Yes to that.”

“Iris, seriously, I’m sorry. I took advantage of you. Did I hurt you?”

She shook her head and a couple of tears slipped out of her eyes. She brushed them away impatiently. In the moment, it had been like a dream come true! “Not physically. I think you were just moving on instinct and I didn’t stop you. I didn’t realize you didn’t know what you were doing. Or who you were doing it with,” she added with a bit of a choked voice. She looked away.

“Oh, I didn’t know what I was doing, but I must’ve known who I was with.” He shook his head. “I guess that explains the weird dreams.”

“What dreams?”

“Dreams about... Let’s save that discussion. It’s pretty embarrassing. Are you sure I didn’t force myself on you? Like a drunk seventeen-year-old moron?”

“No,” she said weakly. “I must admit I had stupidly been waiting forever for you to discover all those skinny, acrobatic cheerleaders weren’t right for you and you belonged with me, so...” She shrugged. “Thus, my broken heart. Then my anger. Maybe we can get over this now that you know. And you can leave me alone.”

“You’re sure I didn’t hurt you?”

She just shook her head.

He looked down at his knees. “It must have been thrilling for you,” he said sarcastically. “A teenage drunk climbing all over you.”

“Yeah, well...I’d always heard the first time is awful.”

“Jesus, Iris. I don’t know how I’m going to make this up to you. Sometimes it feels like every time I turn around I have one more stupid move to make amends for. This one is really going to take some thought.”

“Yeah? Well, listen, Seth. Let me make it easy for you because I have thought about it. It would be best if you just let it go, get on with your life and stop expecting me to be that girl again. I’m not, okay? I’m not your best friend anymore. I’m not going to be the one to pull your fat out of the fire every time you’re in trouble. You’re on your own. Just leave me alone.” She pulled herself to her feet.

“I don’t blame you for being angry,” he said.

“It wasn’t just the prom, you stupid shithead,” she said quietly, looking down at him. “It was everything. You used me as your tutor, your counselor so you could talk about your problems with all the pretty, popular girls, your playmate if you were bored. That night you said I was the only girl you’d ever really loved and then you just used me and tossed me out the next day.”

“Iris—”

“I’m over it, Seth. I’m over you. If you think I’m ever going to risk that kind of hurt again, you’ve lost your mind.”

Then she walked away and didn’t look back.

Five

Iris wiped her eyes and blew her nose. She looked out her kitchen window and there he sat on the ground beside the lawn mower like the big dumb ox he was. Well, she was glad it was out. Now Seth knew everything that had pissed her off. Now he could go away because she was over it. Over him.

She made sure her doors were locked, then she threw herself facedown on her bed and smothered her cries in the pillow. She let all of the emotion out.

Before too long she heard the mower start up again. It ran for about ten minutes, then stopped and she was enveloped in silence. But the noise inside her head was deafening.

This was good, right? Getting it all out, all of it. Venting all the hurt and anger and feelings of betrayal. Because he hurt me so much. He’s been such an ignorant fool!

He’d been seventeen and stupid. And you were seventeen and not much smarter, her thirty-four-year-old self added.