Chapter Forty

Alyssa

“Hi,” I said, my voice breathy as Logan stood on my porch in a suit and bowtie. His hair was slicked back, and he was beaming.

“You look beautiful,” he said, taking in my long black dress. “So beautiful.”

I blushed. “You do, too. I mean, handsome. You look handsome.”

He reached out for my hand, and I took his in mine. As he walked me to the car, he opened the passenger door and helped me inside. My heart was pounding against my ribcage as the butterflies in my stomach somehow transformed into dragons, setting me on fire. I was so nervous.

When he asked me if I’d go to Chicago with him to see an opera, I had to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. We never were able to go on any fancy dates all those years ago. We never were able to fall in love the way we truly deserved to love one another. So the fact that today, Logan was in a suit that wasn’t too big for him, and I was in a dress that was too fancy for me, was amazing.

I still love you…

“Are you excited?” he asked, as we drove down the freeway.

“Yes.”

I still love you…

“I’ve never done anything like this, ya know? Seen an opera. I mean, I’ve been to your piano recitals, which were breathtaking, but I’ve never seen something like this.”

“You’ll love it,” I said. “When I was in college, we had to go to shows for one of my music classes. The opera is quite the experience.”

He smiled. “Thanks for coming with me, High.”

Whenever he called me High, I felt like I was eighteen all over again.

I still love you…

The show was amazing, and as we sat in a corner box watching it, I’d noticed Logan tearing up from the action. His eyes never left the characters on stage, and mine hardly ever left him. It was crazy how it happened. How one boy could still, after all these years, control every beat of my heart.

After the show, we walked outside in the cool, autumn Chicago weather. We stood so close to one another that every now and then our arms would brush up against each other. The hotel we were staying at was right down the street from the opera house, which was wonderful.

“Erika and Kellan are stressed,” Logan said, breaking me from my thoughts.

“Yeah. Extremely stressed. Erika called me the other night as she sat in her car crying her eyes out. She feels as if she’s at the end of her rope, and like Kellan is pushing her away.”

“Do you think he’s pushing her away?”

“I don’t know. I think he’s just scared.”

“Yeah. Me too. I’ve been thinking… We should do something for them. I don’t know what, but I want to do something to make them feel better.”

“That’s a great idea,” I agreed, opening the door to the front lobby of the hotel. “And I think—”

“I’m still in love with you.”

What? Did I just speak the words that have been dancing through my mind all night long? The words that I’ve felt for the past five years?

No. They didn’t come from my lips.

With a slow turn, I stared at Logan, standing on the sidewalk, with his hands stuffed in his slacks. He swayed back and forth.

“What?” I said, my heart pounding.

“I’m still in love with you,” he repeated walking closer to me. “I’ve tried to stop it. I tried to ignore it. I tried to wish it away, but it won’t leave. Whenever you’re near me, I want you closer. Whenever you laugh, I want the sound to never fade. Whenever you’re sad, I want to kiss your tears away. I know all of the reasons that I shouldn’t want to be with you. I know that I can never be forgiven for what happened all those years ago, but I also know that I still love you. You’re still the fire that keeps me warm when life becomes cold. You’re still the voice that keeps the darkness at bay. You’re still the reason my heart beats. You’re still the air in my lungs. You’re still my greatest high. And I am still truly, madly, painfully in love with you. And I don’t think I’ll ever know how to stop.”

“Logan…” He kept walking toward me, making my heart speed up until I felt faint.

“Alyssa…”

“Lo.” My fingers slowly laced together with his.

“High.”

Him.

Me.

Us.

We grew closer. Our bodies wrapped together, and I felt him trembling as my fingertips rested against his chest.

“Nervous?” I asked.

“Nervous,” he replied.

My lips hovered millimeters away from his. His breaths became mine, and mine were solely his. He was my life support, making my heart rise and fall, over and over again.

I shrugged.

He shrugged.

I laughed.

He laughed.

I parted my lips.

He parted his lips.

I leaned in.

He leaned in.

And we were both still so very much in love.

***

For a few brief moments, he let me into his heart, and I allowed him into mine. His skin met my skin, his lips met my lips. That night we held onto one another. We stopped our minds from wandering off. We didn’t speak of yesterday, and we refused to speak of tomorrow.

But we did remember, and we did dream.

We remembered everything we were and dreamed of everything we could someday become. Every time he moved into me, I whispered his name. Every time he pulled out, he whispered mine.

“I love you,” I softly said against his ear.

“I love you,” he gently replied, kissing my neck.

We loved each other that night. We loved each other with no restraints, no restrictions, no fear. We loved each other with every kiss, every touch, every climax.

We loved the pain, we loved the scars, we loved our wild fire that could never be extinguished.

We loved that night.

Yes…

We loved so slowly.

***

When I awakened, I still felt as if I were dreaming, because I woke up in his arms. His eyes were opened, and he placed a gentle kiss on my forehead.

“Hey,” I yawned, rubbing my eyes.

“Hey,” he replied.

“Is it time to get up?”

“No.” He shook his head. “It’s only three in the morning.”

I sat up slightly, concern building inside of me. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”