Ethan cleared his throat and the magistrate shot him a strict look.

“Mr. Middleton, your wife is capable of answering this question.”

“Yes,” Callie said. “I suppose I am. The closest I can come to an explanation is just that I was angry. I was so angry, it filled me up and pushed everything else out, every reasonable thought. I was angry at Jemima and at the whole world.”

The magistrate pushed out a sigh. “What of the claim that you were not in Paradise at that time?”

“That’s what I wanted people to think,” Callie said. “But let me tell you the whole story from the beginning.”

Chapter LXVIII

“I never thought I’d ever tell this,” Callie began. “I tried to put it out of my head, but it just wouldn’t go. So I’m only going to look at you, Mr. Bookman, and nobody else and maybe I’ll get through it. I’m also going to ask Ethan and Martha and anybody else who gets the urge not to speak up. To leave me the telling of this.

“This is what happened. I was supposed to go to Johnstown with my father, that much is true. But Ma was poorly and Levi was away, so at the last minute Da said I should stay to help Cookie.

“Late that afternoon Ma was getting worse, as bad as I ever saw her. The day got darker and colder and she started talking to herself, talking loud. About all kinds of things, but mostly just rambling. She was running a fever too, and Cookie decided she had to go fetch help. She said I was to stay behind because Ma was quietest when I sat with her.

“All I can say in my own defense is that I was young and disappointed about Da leaving me behind. When Cookie said I couldn’t even go into the village I got mad and I decided I’d go anyway.

“It was full dark when she left. I waited a few minutes and made sure Ma was quiet—she was resting just then, half asleep—and then I set out to follow Cookie. I knew she would send me home so I hung back a ways, but not very far. I didn’t want to lose sight of her lantern. I remember thinking I would catch her up by the bridge because she’d have to stop and scatter sand—you remember how icy the floorboards on the old bridge got in midwinter? But when I got that far I saw Jemima was coming across from the other side, and I stopped right where I was. They both had lanterns and I could see just that much of them, faces and hands that caught the light.

“I have thought it through for years now, and I’m pretty sure it was just a coincidence that they met up on the bridge. But then once they saw each other neither one of them was going to back down. I wasn’t close enough to make any of it out but they were both fighting mad. I could see it in the way they were standing.

“Just when I was going to run for help, Cookie tried to push past Jemima and she slipped and fell. She fell real hard.

“I was so scared, I could hardly breathe. I was scared Cookie was bad hurt and I was afraid that if I showed myself the same thing would happen to me. I wanted to run away but I couldn’t move my feet. I wanted to yell for help, but I was sure if I did Jemima would come after me.

“It wasn’t even a couple heartbeats before I heard a rider coming. Jemima heard it too, by the way her head came up sharp. And then—That’s when she leaned down and just pushed Cookie over the edge. One shove and she was gone. Sometimes I still dream about it, and in the dream I can hear the splash.

“I stayed in the shadows for a long time and then when I was sure Jemima was gone, I went down by the lake. It was too dark to see anything and it was cold, but I had to look. I think I was hoping that Cookie might have swum away, but there was no sign of her. So I went back home.

“Now I have got to confess something that has bothered me every day of my life since then. I loved Cookie and I was worried out of my head, but I was just as much worried for me as I was for her. I was thinking, Please don’t be dead. Please don’t leave me alone with Ma, please don’t. I can’t take care of her myself.

“Once I got home I climbed into bed with Ma because I was so cold and scared. I wanted to tell somebody what I saw, but I was so tired and Ma wouldn’t have understood anyway. And when I woke up the next morning, Ma was gone and the blizzard had just started up. I was so scared I was shaking, but I got on my clothes and I went out after her.

“I don’t know if anybody will recall that when my ma wandered off she often went to call on Daisy Hench. She always liked Daisy and somehow or another Daisy was good at calming her down. So I set off to see if I could catch her up. I got about three quarters of the way when I realized I wasn’t dressed warm enough. I thought for a minute I might die myself, and that I wouldn’t mind so much if Ma and Cookie were both gone. I might as well go too.

“Just then I came to the Steinmeissen place. I suppose something in me wasn’t ready to die yet because I knocked, thinking they’d let me set by their fire until the weather let up a little.

“But they weren’t home. I was so beside myself I forgot that Margery died the winter before, and Anton had gone off into the bush to drink himself into a stupor.

“So there I was in the Steinmeissen cabin. It was so dark with the blizzard coming on, and not a single candle anywhere, nor a bit of oil for the lamp. But there was wood stacked right outside the door and a tinderbox on the mantel, and I managed finally to get a fire going. I just wrapped up in every cover and blanket I could find and I lay down in front of the hearth and I fell asleep.

“Martha, if you keep weeping like that I won’t be able to finish, and I need to tell all of this. Let me tell it.