I am ‘Love Lost’? Oh, crap!

I need to fix this, especially if I want some of those memories back. I don’t want him mad. I want to see those years of memories that I am missing. And I realize before I speak that not only do I want my memories back, I do not want him mad at me as well. It feels like that would hurt me, like not having him would hurt me.

But why?

“Tristan, would you like to dance with me?” I stand, holding out my hand. His beautiful green eyes meet mine as he reaches up and rustles his beautiful brown hair with golden streaks in it sighing.

“Yeah. Sure.” He pockets his phone and standing, takes my hand. I feel like I have been zapped and I look down at our intertwined hands, gasping.

“I told you,” he mumbles.

As we walk to the dance floor, I can’t help the words that spew from my lips. “I’m sorry I don’t remember you. I want to. It’s just that I can’t; I wish I could. I am sorry if I hurt you. I am sorry if I hurt Drake. I’m just sorry!” It all comes rushing out. He spins me, pulling me into a tight embrace, resting his chin on my shoulder.

“It’s not your fault Ev. You didn’t mean it and you couldn’t help it. I just wish your folks had told us. I mean, I would have been there. I loved you.” He mumbles something more that I don’t quite hear but I would swear I heard him say he still loves me, but that can’t be right. I have been gone so long.

I rest my chin on his muscular chest as we sway to the music. I feel content. I feel safe. His smell seems so familiar. For the first time since regaining everything except my memories, I feel satisfied, like nothing is missing. Why is that? Why do I feel like nothing is missing when I am wrapped up in his arms like this?

“Your hair looks good short,” he whispers into my ear, breaking me out of my thoughts. I pull back looking him in the eyes.

“It’s still growing back from the chemo,” I whisper. I reach up and pat my head. It is one of my insecurities, but then I just remind myself I survived. He pulls my hand down.

“It looks good,” he assures me. I just nod.

4

All these emotions are swirling about inside me. As we sway back and forth to the music lightly chatting, I can’t help but remember how we used to be. If she hadn’t gotten sick, where would we be now? What if she had died? I don’t even want to think about that. I have a chance with her again, a chance I am not going to waste. I must have whispered “I love you” a hundred times since having her wrapped up in my arms again. It is f**king true. I will always love this girl.

“Ev, I’ll give you back your memories. I can’t give them all back to you, but I can at least give you back years fourteen, fifteen, and sixteen. That, I can give you.” I whisper into her hair. She pulls away again to look at me, tears forming in her eyes, and she gives me a simple nod. And with that simple nod, my heart breaks. It shatters into a million f**king pieces.

“Hello there horrible volleyball player.” I look up into Evelyn’s beautiful eyes and smile.

“You can’t remember my name can you Evelyn?” I tease her.

She puts her finger on her chin thinking and then a smile appears. “Of course I remember your name Tristan,” she drawls. “It’s not every day a hot volleyball player smacks you in the head with a ball because he couldn’t stop ogling.” She puts her hand on her hip, grinning. I can’t help but stare at her. Hell, she is in a bikini and I am a fifteen-year-old boy!

“Yo Trist, who’s the hottie?” I turn to see Drake running towards us.

“I’m Ev, and you are?” She cocks her eyebrow at him.

“I’m Drake, this loser’s younger brother.”

She laughs at him.

“Well Drake, loser’s younger brother, you guys wanna go swimming?” She points to the ocean and we all take off running

“Hey, you okay?” Ev shakes me out of my memory.

“Yeah, memories. Seeing you is bringing my memories back to me.” I smirk at her.

“Oh yeah? Care to share?” She smiles.

“I was just thinking about the second time we met.” I shrug.

“Tell me about it.” She wraps her arms tightly around me as I tell her about the day on the beach.

“Sounds like I was a firecracker.” She tilts her head back and grins.

“Yeah, you usually were the one to get us into shit.” I grin. “I’m really glad you survived Evelyn,” I whisper, kissing her forehead.

She sighs. “Me too Tristan. Me too.” I don’t know how long we stay wrapped up, but it’s almost closing time and I still haven’t made it to the after party. I could care less.

“I’m going to walk you and Adella back to your dorm, okay?” I whisper into her hair.

“Okay,” she mumbles with a yawn and I fight back a smile.

“My body still isn’t used to being out and about for long. I’m sorry. You’re not boring me,” she assures me.

I frown, because she is still healing, and this night has taken a toll on her.

“Okay, time to get you back so that you can rest.” I pull her to the table.

“Tristan, please don’t treat me like a broken toy,” she murmurs. It stops me dead in my tracks.

I tilt her chin up. “You will never be a broken toy. I just want to make sure you both get back safe, okay?” I say with a half-smile, making her grin.

“Okay.” Her beautiful grin that was always reserved for me turns into a smirk. My heart feels like it stops.