“Okay, so my f**king crazy-ass girl that I love so much is making me do this before and after shit. But, seeing as that I love her more than my own life, I am doing it. So here it goes. Crazy-ass girl of mine, I love you. I will love you to infinity. I will cherish every minute we spend together to infinity. We are infinity. And that my beautiful, sexy, smart, crazy-ass f**king girl is why I love you to infinity. That is my before, babe!”

She pauses the video again. “We were deep for being teenagers. We got those tattoos very young,” she laughs and starts the video.

“My after: oh my God. Okay, so Tristan was wonderful. I am not going to lie. It hurt like f**king hell, but my friends said it would. My Tristan made it better. Since we met on the beach, we chose the beach to have our first time together. NEVER AGAIN! Baby, sorry, but I am still digging sand out of places it is not supposed to be. It is the best memory of our first meeting, our first ‘I love you’, our first kiss, our first time all on the beach. So thank you baby!, Thank you for making it perfect and thank you for loving me like you do. Yours to infinity. I love you.”

When the video cuts off, for a few seconds I study her, waiting for my after to come on. She has tears in her eyes, happy ones. I look back on the screen as the static goes away.

“My crazy-ass beautiful girl, God, I didn’t think it was possible for me to love you anymore but I do. God I do. I so f**king love you more. All our firsts on the beach baby, all of them. I want to thank you for so many things babe, First one, for catching me ogling you last year. Second one, for giving me your heart. I promise to guard it with all that I am. Third, for giving me the gift of you.” I run my fingers through my hair. “This tattoo baby, the one we got that matches? Infinity. Always remember that no matter what we are infinity. And that, my crazy-ass beautiful girl is my after. I love you!”

The video cuts out and we sit in silence.

7

My heart is pounding. I have all these emotions rushing inside me. I loved him. He loved me. Hell, I think he still does. I mean to infinity, right? I feel cheated. He was stolen from me. This beautiful man was stolen from me. Our time was stolen and my heart is hurting. I turn in his lap and straddle him. We have been quiet this entire time. I place both of my hands on each side of his face, lowering my lips to his.

“I’m so sorry,” I mumble before bringing his lips to mine. He is sitting still, and I pull away to look at him. His eyes are brimming with tears and searching mine for something. This poor man.

“I’m so f**king sorry,” I cry, as I slam my lips to his, and this time he does not hesitate. He takes my lips feverishly with his. He flips me over so my back is against the couch, his tongue tangling with mine. His fingers dance along my collarbone and down to my chest. His eyes light up as he pulls away.

“Please,” I beg him.

“Baby, I promised to do all our firsts the same way right?” He states.

“Yeah, so?” I shake my head at him.

Just give me what my body wants, what my body craves Tristan. Please!

I have never felt anything like I am feeling now.

“So it’s getting dark. I think it’s time to hit the beach my beautiful crazy-ass girl.” He pulls me up to him.

“Since I know how this works I know what not to screw up this time.” He grins.

“What did we mess up the first time?”

“Well, the most important thing was we didn’t bring anything to lie down on. That’s why the sand ended up in places we didn’t like.” He grins back at me.

“Okay. Anything else we messed up on?” I tilt my head back to look at him.

“Yeah, the condom broke and we didn’t bring back up,” he states, groaning in remembrance.

“Oh, well, I don’t need those unless you’re worried you have something,” I whisper.

“You’re on birth control?” He lifts my chin up so I am looking him directly in the eyes.

His gorgeous green eyes are piercing me, putting me in some kind of trance.

“No, all the radiation and chemotherapy kind of fried me. It would be a miracle if I ever got pregnant.” With my confession, my eyes widen. “Oh my God, I never factored that in. Did you want kids when we were younger? Was that something we even talked about before? If this goes somewhere like it did before I can’t give you any. I am so sorry.” I try to break free.

“Baby, stop.” He rubs my arms, calming me down.

Wow! Okay, that works.

“Of course we talked about kids. We wanted three. If we can get back to our special place like I know we can, there is always adoption when we are ready. It’s that simple.”

“Really?” I look up at him.

“Really, my crazy-ass beautiful girl.” He leans down and pecks my lips.

“Sorry if I ruined the moment. I’m not used to having moments like this.” I shiver as his fingers dance along my neck.

“Baby, give me your hand,” he says.

I throw an eyebrow up and give him my hand. He drops it down to his waist and presses my hand firmly against his groin. “Does that feel like the moment is ruined?” He smirks.

I shake my head quickly. “No, uh, it doesn’t.” I giggle. “Okay, so go get some towels,” I smack him playfully on the arm.

“Right, we need those.” He takes off running like a little kid.

I decide to strip off all my clothes right in the living room. I might as well just wrap a towel around me since he is just going to get me naked outside.