When she was done, a mound of things sat beside her door, staring back at her. Elli closed her eyes, letting the tears leak out of her eyes and down her cheeks as horrid sobs raked through her body. Elli never thought de-Shea-ing her house was going to hurt so bad, but it had to happen.

She had to do it.

When Elli woke up the next morning, she went through her usual morning routine.

As she walked through her house, Adler bounced beside her, ready to go out. When she reached the foyer and saw the mound of things she had piled up the night before, it was as if her legs gave out from underneath her, and she crumbled onto the ground, bawling as she stared at Shea’s beautiful face that was staring back at her.

Adler came over to her, nudging his way into her lap. Elli needed the comfort, so she wrapped her arms around her oversized pup, crying into his thick fur. Elli let the tears fall, soaking her poor dog’s fur, not that she thought he minded. He would probably cry if he could. Elli knew he missed Shea, probably as much as she did. She had never felt such pain. She never thought she would experience this kind of depression. It was so intense, so painful. She wished she could just stop, but it didn’t seem like she could. She felt like she was going to be like this for forever.

When she was done crying, she stood up, letting Adler out before sitting on the waiting chair that sat in front of the front windows. Her eyes moved along all the things that piled up so high against the wall. She felt like things wouldn’t get better until they were gone, but she couldn’t just throw them away. It took about two seconds before Elli knew what to do with them.

All she had to do was have the balls to go give them to him.

“Elli, it was so good to hear from you,” Grace said as she held the door open, letting Elli in.

Seeing Grace hurt as much as it did seeing Shea the night before. Elli had forgotten how much Grace looked so like Shea. It was almost as if she was staring into Shea’s eyes and that hurt just as bad as it did when she did look into his eyes. Elli remembered when she thought her life wouldn’t go on without seeing Shea’s family, how it would kill her not being able to see them when she wanted, and it had. She had missed Grace, James, Ryan, and Amelia like she had missed Shea. There was a point in time when she felt that they were her family too, but that was ten weeks ago.

Now she was just another one of Shea’s exes, a notch in his bed post, a total loser.

When her eyes started to water up, Elli took in a deep breath, looking down at her heels.

“Yeah. Um, everything’s in the truck,” Elli said, mindlessly messing with the bottom of her shirt. She couldn’t look Grace in the eyes, it hurt too much.

“James will get everything. Come into the kitchen with me for a bit. We’ll have some tea while he unloads.”

“Oh. Well, it shouldn’t take long,” Elli said as Grace started walking towards the kitchen.

Grace stopped, looking over her shoulder at Elli. Elli wasn’t sure, but she swore that she saw tears in Grace’s eyes.

“Are you really going to run out on me, Elli? I haven’t seen you in months.”

Grace was guilt tripping Elli, and she knew it, but she followed Grace anyway into her spacious kitchen. What would it hurt to catch up for a minute or so? When Elli saw Ryan, her heart got caught in her throat. She hoped he would have been at school, but there he was, grinning at her. Ryan popped up, running towards her, wrapping his small little arms around her waist, almost doing Elli in. Elli bent down some, taking the little boy in her arms, hugging him tightly.

“Ms. Elli, I’ve missed you so much!”

“Oh, Ryan. I’ve missed you, buddy. What are you doing home?”

“They took my tonsils out! So I get to eat ice cream and lay around with mommy and daddy all day!” he said in his rambunctious five year old way. Elli had to smile at him. He was just so damn cute, and she had missed him so much.

“Oh my, are you alright?”

“I am! I’m strong, just like my Unky. Is he with you?”

The air rushed out of Elli, causing her to stop for a minute to try to breathe. He looked up at her with his innocent eyes, waiting for an answer.

Elli slowly shook her head, “No, sweetie. He’s not.”

Ryan’s little face scrunched up as he looked up at her.

“Have you seen him? I haven’t seen him in so long, and I just want to see him.”

Thankfully Grace swooped in, taking Ryan in her arms as she walked out of the kitchen, cooing something about Shea coming to see Ryan soon. Why hadn’t he been by to see Ryan? What the hell is wrong with him? Ryan needed him.

Selfish ass.

Ryan was a just a kid, a baby, and knowing that Shea couldn’t even come see him caused Elli to be so disgusted with him that angry tears threaten to fall down her cheeks.

When Elli realized she wasn’t the only one in the room, she met eyes with James. He gave her a half grin as he walked towards her, wrapping her up in his arms.

“Hey.”

“Hey James, how are you?”

“Good. Better than you, I’m guessing.”

Elli nodded as the constant ache in her chest got worst. When Elli was in Boston, she had bonded so much with James. The fact that she hadn’t seen or spoken to him in the last couple months made her just as big of a selfish ass as Shea was. Elli was more a bitch, though. How could she intertwine herself with these people and then just completely forget about them. How dare she? They deserved better.

“I think my stuffed wolf fish is better than I am.”