Matt realized the depth of Shane’s mistake then but didn’t say anything further about it. “I’m next door if you need me. No matter what is going on between you two, I’m your friend. Okay?” He moved to hug her and she let him.

“Thank you, Matt.”

“Please don’t judge my brother too harshly, Brian.” Matt raised his hand in a wave and left, hearing the locks click into place behind him.

Shane sat on the bottom step.

“What the f**k is wrong with you, Shane?”

Shane shook his head, Matt saw tears shining in his eyes. “Oh shit. I hurt her so badly. It’s just…when I saw her there it made me think of Sandra. I forgot who she was for a moment. I spoke before I thought and oh, her face.” Shane rested his forehead on his knees and Matt knelt there, touching his brother’s arm.

“I know why you overreacted, Shane. I understand.”

“I may have lost her forever.”

Matt took a deep breath. “I hope not. But. I’m sorry to say this, Shane but you attacked her and falsely accused her and your shit with Sandra pushed her buttons. Both of your emotional shit hit in the same place at the same time. She’s really upset and her brother is pissed off.”

“And the ex has been seen?”

“She didn’t tell me much. She came home from work and saw me out front. Told me her brother was on the way and that she wanted us all to meet him and for him to meet us. Then she told me the brother had said the ex had been seen. She didn’t know more than that and I came over to her place to watch over her.”

“I need to go to her, work this out.” Shane stood.

“Don’t. Shane, not right now. Her brother is really angry and protective. She’s a mess. Call her, leave a message. Go to her stall tomorrow. Let her know you’re here but don’t rush up on her. Give her some space. She’s scared right now that you’re like her ex. Hurt her and say you’re sorry and hurt her again.”

“Fuck. I’m an idiot.”

Matt hugged his brother. “No you’re not. You’ve been one in the past but you got scared tonight and reacted before thinking. You love her and you hurt her. But you’re not her ex.”

Looking back over his shoulder at her door, Shane let Matt drag him over to his apartment where he called and left her a message.

“Carly, what is going on, honey?” Brian sat next to her on the couch, brushing a hand over her hair. “I thought this guy was the one.”

Cassie had successfully fought away her tears and now just felt numb. “I thought he was too, Brian.”

“Who’s Sandra?”

She told him the story of Shane’s ex-fiancée who he’d found cheating with his best friend.

“So he saw you with me and he must have flashed back on that. He’s already left you a phone message apologizing. He sounded sincere. What do you think?”

“I’m afraid, Brian. He’s probably the most sincere person I’ve ever met. But I don’t know if I can trust my own perceptions these days and I’m afraid if I take him back that it’ll be like with Terry.”

“I understand. Well, I don’t, but I trust your feelings here. I don’t know this guy well enough to say. Why don’t you give it some time to see how he acts in the coming days? Because I’d hate to see you write him off if he’s the one for you. But I’d hate to see you take him back and end up with another ass**le.”

She put her head on his shoulder and sighed. “Tell me about Terry.”

Brian did. He told her about how her ex had been sighted in San Francisco three times before dropping out of sight again. All the more troubling was that one person claimed Terry tried to get her to use her state job access to search information about Cassie.

“We don’t have any reason to think he knows you’ve changed your name or that you’re here. But I think you should be aware at all times. I can’t see that you should move away from Petal. You’re building a life here and that’s important.”

Lying in bed that night, Cassie stared at the ceiling and felt the emptiness next to her in bed. She’d gotten used to Shane’s body there at night. Reaching out and touching him. Knowing she was safe and loved. And that was gone and her heart felt empty. Everything felt empty as she tried to figure out what the hell to do.

Chapter Thirteen

Brian stayed in Petal over the next several days to visit and keep in contact with the investigators on Terry’s trail. Still, Cassie tried to keep to a schedule.

Shane had come to her table at the Sunday market but she asked him to go. It hurt just seeing him.

He left messages on her voice mail every morning to tell her he loved her and every night to say goodnight. Her feelings were all over the map. She loved him. No doubt about that. Every time she saw him walk by the front of the book store, every time she heard his voice or found a note he left for her on her car, she missed him more than she had before.

Loving Shane and being with him had filled up her life. Not in an onerous way like being with Terry had been. Being with Shane hadn’t weighed on her. It had been good, right. She felt like she’d belonged to something instead of to someone.

But it would hurt less to lose him now than to take him back and fall into the same traps she’d done before and lose herself in the process. She’d rather be alone than live in fear ever again.

Polly Chase parked her car on Main and got out for the short walk to Paperbacks and More. “Damn kids. I tell you, if you want something done…” she mumbled as she patted her hair into place and absentmindedly waved at someone who’d called out a hello.