“He broke my heart,” she bawled.

Her cry was loud and she gasped for air. I knew that cry. I’ve cried it several times myself. I also knew it would be difficult to drive in that condition, not to mention the other reasons why she shouldn’t be behind the wheel.

“Amber!” I said loudly. For some unknown reason, my heart pounded against my chest. I had a terrible feeling and I couldn’t shake it. I was scared out of my mind and I didn’t even know why. “Pull over. I’m coming to get you.” Looking around the living room, I urgently searched for someone sober…anyone.

“He’s such an ass and I—”

What I heard next tore my world apart. It was worse than a boyfriend break up, worse than failing a class. It was something you never think would happen to anyone you knew because at that age, you think you’re invincible…untouchable…unbreakable. I heard her try to say my name, followed by a loud screeching that caused immense pain in my ear; then silence as the call disconnected.

It happened so fast that it felt like a dream. I’m sure I went into shock as my phone slipped out of my hand. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t move. Then I knew…I just knew that was the last time I’d ever speak to her again.

SOMETIMES LIFE WAS CRUEL and fate did things not in your favor. I wondered what the hell I did to deserve this. Her family certainly didn’t deserve it.

As I sat there on a chair next to the hospital bed, feeling my heart pumping into overdrive, I gazed at my Tessa hooked up to a bunch of machines, the only things keeping her alive. She was already brain dead and she was bleeding internally. Tessa…my Tessa…was gone, and yet I could still feel the warmth of her hand as I held it to my cheek. My lips quivered and every cell, every nerve, every muscle in me was in a state of panic…so tight, constricting, preventing me from moving, preventing me from breathing. I was running out of time; SHE was running out of time.

I spoke to her, desperately praying for a miracle. “Tessa, baby. How am I supposed to let you go? How do I breathe without you? Don’t do this to us. Come back to me. I know you can hear me.”

I didn’t think I had any tears left to shed, but when I realized this was going to be the last time I would ever see her…touch her…speak to her face to face again, I’d lost it. “Why did you run off and get in that stupid car?” My tone was soft, but reprimanding. “And why the f**k did it have to rain that day? If you leave me, you’re taking everything good in my life. You’re going to take my heart…my soul…my will to live. Do you hear me? Your parents need you. Your sister needs you. I need you. If you want to punish me, then fine. Just…come…back.”

I let go of her hand and rubbed my face with my palms. My throat made an awful grunting noise, but there were no tears left. I was utterly drained, dried out. The life had been sucked out of me and all my will had been spent. Letting go of what you love was difficult enough, but holding onto something you thought was meant to be forever was detrimental. Though I knew it was time to let her go, I couldn’t…I just couldn’t.

“You know what’s really f**ked up?” I continued. “Your parents have to decide whether to pull the plug and let you die. How the hell are they going to live with themselves knowing they gave up? How the hell am I going to live with myself knowing that I stood by and let it happened? You tell me?”

Standing up, I hovered over her and gave her one last soft kiss on her lips. It was the most painful kiss I’d ever given anyone. I lost it again when I buried my face into the side of her neck to inhale her scent. I needed to memorize how she smelled…memorize the feel of her soft skin… memorize…her. I was afraid I would forget her, afraid she would disappear in my mind; afraid I would forget how much I loved this woman. I don’t know what had gotten into me, but I started screaming at her. “Wake up,” I said loudly. “Wake up!” I shouted at her.

“Matthew.” Max placed his hand on my shoulder. “It’s time to let her go. The doctor is on his way.”

I don’t know what I would have done if Max hadn’t been there. Even understanding what he had said, I didn’t budge. My body refused to listen.

“You need to step aside. You had your time. Her family is waiting.”

“I can’t, Max. I f**kin’ can’t. How am I supposed to walk out of here? This is where I belong…with her. The moment she dies, I’ll die with her.” I looked at Tessa again.

Hoping....

Wishing....

Praying....

I was waiting for her to open her eyes, staring at her so the first thing she would set her beautiful eyes on was me.

“You’ll make it through, Matt. I promise. You have your family; we’ll help you get through this. You’re not alone.” Hearing Max’s shaky voice didn’t help the situation. I could feel he was in pain too, but I knew he was being strong for me.

I knew Max meant every word he said, but it wasn’t enough. The pain was too deep and it had cut through whatever faith I had left. When the doctor came in, followed by Tessa’s family, Max grabbed my shirt and pulled me to the other side.

“Please…let’s wait one more day,” I pleaded wearily.

“Matthew,” Tessa’s father started to speak in between taking small breaths. He was trying his best to contain himself. “She’s gone. And even if somehow there was a miracle, she wouldn’t be the same Tessa.”