For some reason, my anger grew. I could feel it boiling inside of me with every breath. “You thought I knew that my friend killed your precious Tessa and that I kept that secret from you,” I huffed. I couldn’t tame my emotions any longer; the hurt and anger were pouring out. “You blamed me for her death. You walked out on me even knowing how devastated I would feel.” Oh shit! Tears were coming.

“Asking you was a natural question, and I didn’t blame you for her death. Why would you think that?”

The pain was too much, and I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. “It was the way you looked at me. And then it was the way you wouldn’t look at me. It was the way you said her name, and the way you said mine. It’s what you believe in...friends don’t let friends drive drunk. How could you even want me after what’s happened? What I did? You could have been with her. You would have been married by now, living happily ever after. I can’t believe—” I stopped. The words had flowed out of me so fast, I had allowed myself to be vulnerable for that second, but no more.

Matthew rushed to me and placed his hands on either side of the door. I had nowhere to go as he prisoned me like before. Oh God! I was going to lose it. Feeling dizzy from his proximity, I turned my head away.

“Becca,” Matthew gripped my arms. “Look at me.” When I refused, his voice got louder. “Look at me!”

Tears flowed against my will when I did. Seeing his eyes red and teary pained me, too. “Damn you, Becca. Stop punishing yourself. This isn’t your fault.” Matthew pulled me to his chest. The smell of him intoxicated me to the point I wanted him. It took every ounce of will power in me to stop myself from kissing him when his lips inched toward mine.

Though Matthew’s grip was too strong, I managed to create a space between us. Wiping my tears, I said, “It doesn’t matter if it’s my fault or not. Every time I look at you, I see her. You and I will never be the same. Her death came between us. Her death is fate telling us that we don’t belong together.”

“I’m so sorry that I hurt you. I was in shock. You can’t blame me for being in shock, Becca. If the roles were reversed, you would have been the same way. And you’re very wrong. Tessa’s death opened the road for our paths to cross. Don’t think of it as a negative thing. Fate screwed me once before, but it made up for it when I met you. My heart was empty and you filled it up with hope. You are the reason I found love again. You’re the lighthouse to my storm. You’re my beacon that brought me home. You can stand there and tell me how wrong I am, but I’m not giving up on us. I’m not going to let you go that easily, Becca. I love you, and I know you love me, too.”

Oh God! What could I say after that? I wanted to tell him that I felt the same. However, I loved him so much that I would rather push him away. When he walked out on me, he’d crushed me. I felt a constant stabbing ache in my heart that never stopped bleeding. Now that I felt the raw ache of what it was like to lose him, I didn’t know if I could go through it again. “You’re wrong, Matthew. In fact, I have a date tonight. So I think you should leave. He’ll be here any minute.”

“Tell me I’m wrong after this.”

I had no idea what he was talking about until I felt his hands on my cheeks. Matthew conquered my lips without my permission. I was in so much shock that I let him at first. This was the very thing I was trying to avoid, but I had no will power. It was completely gone the second his lips were on mine. Missing Matthew had killed me this past week. At the first taste of him, I lost it. I utterly freakin’ lost it.

My heart pounded faster. I wanted to rip off his clothes and feel him inside of me, to have him stay there forever. Tears were pouring just as fast as my panting breath while I kissed him back with passion and hunger. The pain and anger were subsiding, until I realized why we had fought in the first place. Then I heard Matthew’s words echoing in my mind, “Her name is Tessa Young,” as if to remind me how much he loved her and that I was just a replacement.

Managing to pull away, I wiped my mouth, disgusted at myself. “I want you to leave,” I said breathlessly. “I need to get ready.”

Matthew let out a laugh. What was so funny?

Since I wouldn’t look at him, he leaned down to me and whispered in my ear, “I know you still care, Becca. I could feel it in your kiss. I’m going to prove to you that we’re meant to be together. I’m going to leave you now since that is what you want, but I’ll be back. I’m not giving up. By the way, I know you don’t have a date. Jenna texted me to let me know you were free.”

I closed my eyes and cringed after Matthew kissed my cheek and left. My heart softened a little bit and my guilt lessened, but it was still there. It felt wrong to kiss the man I loved when he should have been with someone else, and would’ve been had it not been for my poor judgment and careless ways.

Chapter 18

Becky

I had no idea what Matthew had meant by showing me how much he cared for me, but if the number of roses were any indication, his love for me was more than I could measure or comprehend. Vases of roses were delivered to our place. Jenna kept going to the door and bringing back more and more. At first I thought they were for her, but they were all for me...except a couple of them.

Jenna wore a huge smile. “See how much he loves you? Don’t punish yourself and him. Take him back, Becky.”

Feeling overwhelmed, I inhaled the sweet fragrance and took it all in. I tried not to smile, but I couldn’t help it. No one had ever apologized to me in this way before. Matthew could have said, “Screw you,” and walked away, but he didn’t. I needed some time. If he could give me a little bit more, then I might be able to move on with him.