I held Luke in my lap all during the formal dinner, once getting up to walk around with him, another time taking him upstairs to change his diaper, despite my sister's protest that she could do it. "Let me," I told her, laughing as Luke grasped the strand of pearls I was wearing and attempted to cram some of them into his mouth. "I don't mind at all, and I want to spend every possible second with him."

"Be careful," Tara warned, giving me the diaper bag. "He rolls over now. He'll roll right off the bed."

"Do you?" I asked Luke, enchanted. "Can you roll? You'll have to do it so I can see, sweet baby."

He gurgled in agreement, gnawing on the pearls.

When Luke was freshly diapered, I took him toward the stairs, heading back down to dinner. I paused as I saw Jack and Tara ascending to the top of the flight, both of them absorbed in conversation. Jack glanced at me and smiled faintly, but his eyes were alert, and intent, and it seemed there was something he wanted to tell me. And Tara looked guarded.

What in the world could they have been talking about?

"Hey," I said, forcing a smile. "Were you afraid I'd lost my touch?"

"Not at all," Jack replied easily. "You've changed enough diapers, I didn't think you'd forget so soon." He came to me and brushed a warm kiss on my cheek. "Darlin', why don't you let me take Luke for a few minutes? He and I got some catching up to do."

I was reluctant to let the baby go. "Maybe a little later?"

Jack looked directly into my eyes, his face right above mine. "Talk to your sister," he murmured. "And tell her yes."

"Tell her yes about what?"

But he didn't answer. He pried the baby away from me, laid him against his shoulder, and patted his diapered bottom. Luke conformed to him bonelessly, content in Jack's secure grip.

"This won't take long," Tara told me, looking uncertain and almost bashful. "At least, I don't think it will. Is there somewhere quiet we can talk? "

I led her to a little upstairs sitting area, and we settled into soft leather-upholstered chairs. "Is it about Mom?" I asked in concern.

"Lord, no." Tara raised her eyes heavenward. "Mom's fine. She doesn't know about me and Noah, of course. All she knows is that I've got a rich boyfriend. She's telling everyone that I'm secretly dating one of the Astros."

"How are things with Noah?" I hesitated, uncertain if I should use his name.

"Wonderful," she said without hesitation. "I've never been so happy. He's real good to me, Ella."

"I'm glad."

"I have a house," Tara continued, "and jewelry, and a car . . . and he loves me, he says it all the time. I hope he can keep his promises to me . . . I believe he wants to. But even if he can't, this has been the best time of my life. I wouldn't trade it for anything. It's just . . . I've been thinking about things lately . . ."

"You're going to leave him?" I asked hopefully.

A wry smile curved her lacquered lips. "No, Ella. I'm going to be spending more time with him. He's started traveling a lot. . . he'll be going across the country to present programs in big stadiums, and he'll also be touring in Canada and England. His wife is staying here with the kids. I'll be going as part of his entourage. And I'll be with him every night."

I was speechless for a moment. "You want to do that?"

Tara nodded. "I'd like to see some of the world, learn new things. I never had the chance to do anything like this before. And I want to be with Noah and help him any way I can."

"Tara, do you really think—"

"I'm not asking for permission," she said. "And I don't want your opinion, Ella. I'm making my own decisions, and I have the right to do that. After growing up with Mom, you know how important it is to get to decide things for yourself."

That quieted me as nothing else could have. Yes, it was her right to make her own decisions, even her own mistakes. "Are you telling me goodbye?" I asked huskily.

She smiled and shook her head. "Not yet. It'll take a few months to arrange. The reason I'm telling you now is . . ." Her smile faded. "God. It's not easy to say what I really feel, instead of what I think I should feel. But the truth is, I've been taking care of Luke, spending a lot of time with him, and it's still like it was in the beginning. He doesn't feel like mine. He never will. I don't want children, Ella. I don't want to be a mother . . . I don't want to relive our childhood."

"But it's not like that," I said urgently, taking her long, slim hands in mine. "Luke has nothing to do with that old life."

"That's how you feel," she said gently. "It's not how I feel."

"What does Noah say?"

Tara looked down at our entwined hands. "He doesn't want Luke. He's already got children. And having a baby around makes it hard for us to be together."

"Luke'll get older. You'll change your mind."

"No, Ella. I understand what I'm doing." She gave me a long, bittersweet glance. "Just because a woman can have children, it doesn't make her a mother. You and I know that, don't we?"

My eyes and nose stung. I swallowed against the tightness of my throat. "Yeah," I whispered.

"So what I'm asking, Ella, is if you'd like to take Luke for good. Jack said he thought you might. It's the best thing for Luke, if you're willing."