Jesus Christ, did I just say that? Kill me now.

“Actually, I’m loyal to just the one apple,” he counters.

The way his eyes dance and shine makes me want to laugh. I hate how he does this to me. Our conversation right now is verging on the ridiculous. Still, I don’t let it drop.

“You can’t be loyal to only one apple. Once it’s eaten it’s gone, and you need to go find a new one.”

“Oh, I could eat my apple over and over again without ever feeling the need to find a new one.”

“Maybe your apple doesn’t want to be eaten. Maybe your apple is tired of your apple-eating ways.”

He leans forward, one elbow resting on the table, his gaze growing even darker. “On the contrary, my apple loves to be eaten. In fact, my apple is a little cranky right now because she hasn’t been eaten in a while.”

The bloody cheek of him! I want to reach across the table and give him a good, hard slap. Instead, I calm myself and school my expression into a neutral mask. I remember his words from that night at the outdoor cinema.

Please don’t push for more, even if it feels like I want you so badly it hurts, even if I’m the one doing the pushing.

Is this what he’s doing now, pushing?

“I didn’t realise apples had genders and emotions.”

“Yeah, well, you learn something new every day.”

I don’t say anything more. Instead, I pick up my pencil and return my attention to the paper in front of me. Even though I’m not looking, I can practically feel the amused grin on Jay’s face being levelled directly at me.

I sketch an outline of the dress. All the while I can feel his gaze on me like a hot touch. Jay continues eating his apple, and it irritates the hell out of me to know he thinks he won our little veiled argument.

A period of time passes before Jay starts to speak again. “I’m moving into my new place tomorrow.”

His words surprise me. Somehow I’d managed to forget he was moving out. I’d been more focused on the incident with the man in the park and the fact that he’d withdrawn from me. A sudden and excruciating pain hits me right in the chest. I put my hand there, trying to rub it away.

“Oh, right. Where are you moving?” I don’t look at him, because if I do, my strength might crumple.

“Grand Canal Dock.”

“Ooooh, very fancy!” I declare, trying to cover up my pain with a joke. “Are you going to get yourself a job at Google, too? That way you’ll be a stone’s throw from the office. You can enjoy all the perks of being a minion of the evil empire with excellent dining opportunities right on your doorstep.”

He laughs. “You know what, that sounds an awful lot like the spiel the estate agent gave me.”

I shoot him a wary smile. “I can imagine. So, are you having a housewarming?”

“It’s a penthouse apartment, and yes, I’m having a barbecue on the terrace on Sunday. You and your dad are invited. I think Jessie’s bringing Michelle.”

In the back of my mind, I find it odd that he’s going from one room to an entire penthouse all to himself. I mean, why not just get the penthouse in the first place if he could afford it? Perhaps he’s come into some money recently. I glance at my nails. “Well, I’ll have to check my very busy social calendar and get back to you on that one.”

I expect him to find what I’ve said funny, because we both know I spend most of my spare time in the solitary occupation of dressmaking. Although it hasn’t been so solitary since Jay came into my life. Instead, he narrows his eyes and studies me seriously.

“You got a hot date or something? Has Owen called?” The way he says the name is like he’s trying to swallow glass, and admittedly I take a small piece of satisfaction from that.

“No, I don’t have a hot date. And yes, he has called, which surprised me, given how disastrously our second date went, no thanks to you. However, I explained to him that I’m not in the right place for a relationship right now. He was very gracious about it.”

He’s silent, sitting back and folding his arms. I become self-conscious under his intense scrutiny, so I decide to pack up my things for the night and hit the sack.

“Don’t go,” he says, reaching out to grab my wrist when I pass him.

“I’m tired,” I reply, moving on, and his hand falls away as I leave the room.

It’s after midnight, and I still can’t sleep, tossing and turning. I yank off my pyjama pants, feeling too hot. Dad’s loud snoring echoes down the hall from his room, and I envy his slumber. I can hear Jay pacing next door, but unlike how it usually soothes me, now it just irritates the hell out of me.

In the back of my mind, I know it’s not irritation, but heartache.

When he leaves tomorrow, I’m going to miss him like crazy. I want to grab him and hug him so tight, let him know how hard it is for me to let him go.

Soon his pacing slows down, and there’s silence. I hear him flick the light off, hear the sound of his mattress creak as he climbs into bed. The clock on my bedside table ticks loudly in my ears. The more I focus on it, the louder it gets, as though taunting me. Counting down the seconds until Jay’s departure.

If I were brave, I’d sneak into his room right now and give him something to remember me by. In fact, I think I might be feeling a little brave, because my body moves of its own accord. I barely make a sound as I open my door and take the few short steps down the hall to Jay’s room. The door hinges make a tiny noise as I go inside, the room encased in darkness.

Placing my hand on the wall, I feel my way to the foot of his bed. There’s some movement, then Jay whispering, “What are you doing, darlin’?”

“I couldn’t sleep.”

I’m on his bed now, tugging the covers down. He clears his throat and puts his hands on my shoulders as though to stop me. As my eyes adjust to the dark, I make out his na**d chest, the little trail of hair that leads from his navel down into his boxer shorts. I’m wearing nothing but a T-shirt and cotton pants. Jay’s gaze eats me up in the same way mine is devouring him.

“You shouldn’t,” he murmurs, but his eyes tell me that I should.

Hovering over him on my knees, I lean down and place a soft kiss to his pec. His body shudders at the touch. It’s been a week since we last had contact, and somehow I can tell he’s been craving me just as much as I’ve been craving him, even if he did force himself to stay away for whatever unknown reasons.

I crawl in between his legs, my thighs braced over one of his, as I take his nipple into my mouth. I swirl my tongue around it, wet and hot.

“Fuck,” he swears, his hand going to my forehead and brushing my hair back. I grind myself into his thigh, needy, kissing my way from one nipple to the other, then down his perfect chest and abs. I nuzzle his hipbone when I reach the elastic of his boxer shorts, and his chest rises and falls quickly, his breathing growing frantic.

“What ya doing?” he growls, and the sound pleases me. I like that I’m torturing him.

“Tasting you,” I whisper, my tongue sneaking out to lick his skin. “I’ve missed you so bad.”

His body jerks.

“Yeah, you’d better start tasting real soon, or I’m gonna have to f**k you.”

I moan. His words thrill me. When I tug his shorts down, his gorgeously hard c*ck springs free. I nuzzle it, and he cups my cheek, his eyes shining down at me. I kiss the tip, and he groans, swears profusely.

“You were put on this earth to torture me, I’m certain of it,” he breathes.

I open my mouth and take in an inch of him. His hand on my cheek grips tight. I move my head down, taking his full length slowly inside. His body becomes a rigid coil, his mouth a fountain of lovely profanities, as I bob up and down, sucking him, flicking my tongue around the seam of his head. He seems to like that one a lot, so I do it a lot.

Gripping his hard thigh with one hand, I cup his balls with the other, and a spurt of salty pr**um fills my mouth. I increase my speed, and he fumbles for me, his hands reaching down, sliding inside my top to cup my bare br**sts.

I moan around his c*ck when he pinches my ni**les, and the most masculine sound erupts from him, half growl, half purr. Pure sex. Hot liquid spurts into my mouth as he comes, and I keep sucking him, draining every last drop.

When he’s done, the rigidity falls away from his body, and he’s spent. The way he gazes down at me, rubbing his thumb over my lips, the adoration beaming out of him, makes feel like I’ve done what I set out to do. He won’t be forgetting this any time soon.

He pulls me up and settles me into the side of his body, my head resting on his chest. I allow my fingers to trace the lines of his tattoos. I study them, feeling like they tell a story, but that story is hidden to me. I wish I could somehow flick a switch and illuminate the words.

His breathing evens out, and I think he might have fallen asleep, but then his hand starts to move down my thigh. With his deft fingers he parts my legs, rubbing along my sex before finding my entrance. He plunges two fingers into me, quick and hard. I whimper.

His mouth goes to my breast, capturing it, his eyes glued to mine. He f**ks me with his hand, his thumb pressing down on my clit, making me feel like I’m teetering on the edge. My vision goes hazy with pleasure.

“Yeah, you come for me, darlin’. Wanna see those shakes,” he murmurs, his mouth releasing my nipple as he comes up for air.

It doesn’t take long. With one fierce, hard thrust of his fingers and one deep circle of his thumb on my clit, I fall apart. My orgasm lasts for a long time. I lose count of how many waves go through me. Jay keeps his fingers buried deep inside, now leisurely moving in and out. His mouth hangs open slightly, and I sigh.

“I can’t come again so soon,” I plead with him.

“I’m not trying to make you come. I’m just enjoying the feel of you.”

A minute passes, full of my tiny moans and his growls of approval.

“Why have you been so distant this week?” I ask, hating the needy sound of my words.

“Been trying to stay away from you until all this is over. That incident in the park was too much of a close call, and I can’t put you in danger like that again.”

I gasp as he pulls his fingers out, sliding them along my sex before pulling me close to him, surrounding me with his arms.

“Until what is all over?”

“The court case. Everything.”

Placing a hand on his chest, I draw away from him, startled by what he’s telling me.

“The court case could be a year from now. You’re going to keep me at a distance until then?” I say, emotion catching in my throat. He tries to pull me back to him, but I move farther away. Before I’d been too hot. Now I’m way too cold. Finding my underwear, I pull them back on.

“Darlin’, I can’t let you get caught in the crossfire again. It’s too dangerous. The fact that I’m forcing myself to wait should show you how much I care.”

I gesture furiously. “If that’s the case, then why let me come in here tonight?”

“Because it’s so f**king hard to resist you. I’ve been trying, but when you come in here and offer yourself to me, it’s impossible for me to say no.”

“Do you regret it?”

“No, of course not. Please understand that I f**king adore you, but this isn’t our time, baby. Not yet.” He reaches out for me and takes my hand in both of his, a pleading look in his eyes.

I swallow hard as I steel myself, his tender words melting some of my resolve. Tears gather in the back of my throat, but I manage to whisper, “Okay. It won’t happen again.”

Turning on my heel, I leave the room just in time before I start to cry.

“Matilda,” he calls after me, his voice strained, but I don’t turn back.

Twenty-Five

The next day, Jay’s busy moving his stuff out of the spare room and packing it into his car. We eat breakfast together, but aside from a few probing, intense looks, he doesn’t mention what happened the night before. And really, I’m glad. I’m feeling a touch emotional at the moment, so I’m not sure I could handle such a discussion anyway. I’d probably just burst into tears.

Before I know it, Dad and I are standing on the doorstep, waving Jay off. Dad seems just as unhappy for him to be leaving as I am, but I can tell he’s trying not to show it.

For a while, our little family of two had become three.

Jay stares at me for a long time, then surprises the both of us when he pulls me into a tight, prolonged hug. Dad looks at me with an odd expression afterward, but I try to ignore it. I think he suspects something’s been going on between us, but he hasn’t mentioned it yet. Jay pats Dad on the shoulder and shakes his hand, then heads for his car. Dad calls after him that he’ll see him tomorrow at the barbecue.

I’m still uncertain if I’m going to go. The idea of being around him for however long it takes for the drama of his court case to be over, but not actually be with him, makes my heart feel like it’s breaking.

In the end, I do go to the barbecue. Mostly because Dad would probably think something was off if I didn’t, but mainly because even a day without seeing Jay feels like torture. I need another fix. We arrive at his new place with a bottle of wine. He buzzes us through, and we take the elevator up to the top floor. The building is just as fancy as I expected, the front all made of glass and steel.

Jessie answers the door when we get there. “Ah, come in, come in,” she welcomes us. “Jay’s just outside firing up the barbecue. I hope neither of you are vegetarian.”

At that Dad laughs boisterously. Obviously, the idea of not eating meat is hilarious to him. I expected Jay’s place to be packed with friends, but it’s just Jessie, Michelle, and a couple of the people I met the night of his show. I almost laugh when Jessie goes to give Michelle a kiss on the mouth and Dad does a double-take.