I murmured “No…” as he looked into my eyes, as he slowly hiked up my dress and made love to me against the door. Softly. Gently. Less reckless than before…

I screamed his name across the darkness, coming apart in his arms, and he took his time kissing me again and again until I felt like going back for the rest of the tour.

The boat had already started to move, and the tour guide didn’t seem to mind how late we were when we rejoined him downstairs. By the way Carter pulled me into his lap and kissed me for the rest of it, I was sure that he knew what we’d been up to.

When we arrived back to the pier, we walked along the beach and talked for hours about absolutely nothing. I didn’t want our conversation to end, but as the sun rose, I could feel myself getting tired, so he picked me up (tossed me over his shoulder) and took me home.

As if that date sealed it, the next few nights weren’t even a question. He texted me and told me what time he was picking me up, and we went out together. Still uncomfortable showing affection in front of people we knew, we saved those moments for when we were alone, and our friends never knew anything different.

The things we normally did together felt new and exciting, no matter how hard we tried to pretend like they were the same. Those “you can take my bed, I’ll sleep on the couch” courtesies were now completely invalid; even though we always ended up in each other’s arms at some point in the night, we never discussed it in the morning.

I was pretty sure I loved him, and not in the way I loved him before.

This was different. This was “I needed to have him every hour of the day,” “be around him whenever I could”, and “do whatever I could to have him” type of way.

From the way he looked at me, I could tell he felt the same.

Track 18. Crazier (3:08)

Subject: OMG! GREAT NEWS!

Meet me at the pier at noon today. At that new sub place. I have something to show you.

Prepare your eyes!

Ari

Subject: Re: OMG! GREAT NEWS!

I’m pretty sure I’ve already seen it. Several times, last night, the night before, last week…

Sincerely, Carter

SUBJECT: Re: Re: Re: OMG! GREAT NEWS!

This isn’t related to sex, thank you very much.

Hurry up.

Ari.

An hour later, I spotted Ari in front of the sub shop, waiting for her to turn around and notice me. Her hair was pulled into a low ponytail, and her brown eyes were gleaming against the bright sunlight.

“Took you long enough.” She looked me over. “I see you decided to actually wear a shirt today.”

“Only because you told me this meeting wasn’t related to sex.” I almost pulled her into my arms for a kiss, but I held back. I still wasn’t sure what the hell was happening between us, and even though we were more than intimate now, we had yet to show any public displays of affection; wasn’t sure what that would mean if I initiated it.

“Do you want me to tell you the news out here or over lunch?” she asked.

“Over lunch.” I motioned for her to follow me inside the sub shop and we took a seat in the back.

The waitress quickly took our orders, and promised to be back in less than ten minutes.

“So…” Ari said, smiling. “I actually have three sets of news, and I’m going to let you pick which one—”

“You look really fucking beautiful today.” I cut her off, looking at her and wondering why I’d never seen just how stunning she was before. “Really fucking beautiful…”

She blushed. “Thank you…” She was silent for a while before speaking again. “You want the good news, the bad news, or the great news first?”

“Bad news.”

“I ran into your ex, Emily, about half an hour ago and she yelled at me in front of everyone at the supermarket.”

“What did she say?”

“That she hates me, she hates you, she hates your tiny little cock…”

“Is it tiny to you?”

Her cheeks reddened, but she ignored my question. “She said that if we ever end up together, that she will personally crash our wedding…With a personal army of cats, I’m sure.”

I laughed. “What about the good news?”

“She tried to punch me and I took her down.”

“Are you being serious?”

“Of course not.” She scoffed. “Security took her down, but I did try.” She smiled at the waitress as she set down our sandwiches.

“Do I even want the great news?”

“The phenomenal news, excuse me.” She pulled a folded envelope from her pocket and slid it across the table. “Open it.”

I set down my napkin and pulled out the paper—reading a brief letter from Collège Culinaire de France.

“They are deeply sorry for the enormous error in the processing of your previous application and would be delighted and honored to have you in their newest cohort of classically trained chefs,” I read, genuinely happy for her.

“Read the rest…” She beamed. “That’s not even the best part…”

I looked over it and summarized it aloud. “Since there was a mistake and this is short notice, based on your talent and recommendation letters, they’re offering you a full scholarship if you confirm.

She practically squealed.

“Congratulations. I’m very happy for you.” I started to hand the paper back to her until my eyes caught the bolded line at the bottom. “It says you’ll need to arrive there June 16th, though. Is that right?”

She nodded, still smiling.

“That’s two weeks from now, Ari.”

“What?” Her smile slowly faded and she snatched her letter back. “No, it’s not. It’s…” She read the letter again and again. “I was reading it so fast when I got it this morning…I could’ve sworn it said July…”

“And it’s an eighteen month program with no extended breaks?” I read more of the fine print. “You only get five approved holidays…The first approved holiday is in six months.”

Her eyes met mine and neither of us said anything for a while.

I stood up and moved to her side of the booth. Her fingers effortlessly entwined with mine under the table, and I looked into her eyes.

“We’ll make the most of it.”

Track 19. I’m Only Me When I’m With You (2:22)

Two weeks might as well have been two seconds, and I was starting to wish that I hadn’t emailed the French school with an all caps “YES” before meeting with Carter. I’d been so caught up in the moment, so elated that my dream of studying under the best was coming true, that I hadn’t thought of what that would mean for us.

Whatever “us” was anyway…

We’d spent every waking moment together for the past several days. He helped me shop and get what I needed for the trip—even buying me a new suitcase and volunteering to ship whatever couldn’t fit. We’d taken advantage of each other’s bodies too many times to count, and most of our mornings were spent walking alongside the shore.

For years, I’d never understood what it meant when people said they felt like laughing and crying at the same time, until now.