I reached for the lamp on the bedside table and threw it against the wall. Then I threw the sheets and shoved over the nightstand. I grabbed the mirror off the wall and smashed it, but the anger was still there. I punched the wall until my fist went through the Sheetrock and my voice seemed so far away, even though I was yelling. I had stepped outside of myself as my body went mad. Then I threw the pillow in my hand and everything stopped. That was all I had. Her pillow. I walked over to the pile of broken glass and furniture and picked the pillow back up. I held it reverently to my chest.

Her scent filled my senses and for a moment the fury eased. For a moment I wasn't a hysterical madman bent on demolishing everything in my house. I had her. I could hold this. I had her.

"Holy shit." Jace's voice came from the doorway. I snapped my head up to see him looking into my room. The horrified look on his face as he lifted his eyes to me only made me angry again.

"Dude," he said, holding up both his hands. "You gotta calm down."

He didn't understand. He hadn't just lost his reason for f**king living. She hadn't just walked away from him. Left him nothing but a note and a pillow. The note . . . shit.

I stalked to the door and shoved past Jace. I had to get the note. I had the note, too. It was something of hers. I had that. I wanted it. Even if the words in it tore me wide open, I wanted it.

The torn paper lay on the floor and I scrambled to pick it up. I couldn't read the words again. Not right now. I folded it carefully and tucked it into my pocket. I'd keep it on me. This was her handwriting. Her words.

"You're scaring me, man." Jace had followed me to the kitchen.

"I need to be alone," I said without turning to look at him.

"I don't think you need to be alone."

"Leave my motherfucking house," I snarled.

"I've called Rush and Thad. They're on their way. I'm not leaving you alone."

I didn't want them here. I wanted to yell and break things. I wanted to find a way to ease the pain. "No! Why are you even here?"

"Tripp called me," he said slowly. Just hearing his name and knowing that he was the one who had Della made the monster inside of me snap. I reached for the glass in the sink and threw it across the room, shattering a picture.

"He took her!" I roared as I grabbed a plate and hurled it across the room. "He f**king took her from me!"

"She called him. She wanted to go with him, Woods. You gotta calm down. She left of her own free will." I could hear the fear in Jace's voice but I didn't care. I grabbed a bar stool and began smashing it against the counter until the wood shattered into pieces in a heap on the floor.

"Holy hell." Rush's voice registered in my brain but I couldn't think. I didn't want them there.

"Dude! Stop him. He's gone f**king mad," Thad said.

Arms wrapped around me from behind and I fought against them, but they held me tighter. "Chill the f**k out. Breathe, man. Fucking take a breath. She isn't dead. She left. She's out there and it ain't over. So calm the f**k down," Rush said in a stern, loud voice as he held my arms back.

I took several deep breaths. He was right. She was alive. She had just left. She had left. "She left me," I said, and my voice broke.

"Yeah, she did. But you can't beat the hell out of your house. It won't bring her back and you're getting out of control. Get it together. I know what this feels like. I've been there. Losing your shit doesn't make her come back to you."

Rush had been here. He knew. Blaire had left him once. But she'd been betrayed. She'd had a reason to. I hadn't hurt Della. I had only loved her.

"I didn't let her live," I said, lifting my eyes to look straight ahead at Jace and Thad, who were keeping their distance from me.

"She needs some space. Let her have it," Rush said.

"How do I keep going? With her gone? What do I do?"

Rush let out a sigh and slowly let his hold on me go. "You wake up each morning and you go to work. You smile when you think you're supposed to. You spend your free time thinking about her. Thinking about what you'll say when you see her again. Then you go to bed and hope you get some sleep. Then you wake up and do that same shit over again."

I leaned against the wall and hung my head. "What if she never comes back?" He didn't say anything at first. We stood there in silence among the destruction.

"Then you find a way to keep living," Rush finally said, and I realized that was my biggest fear. That I'd be left needing to find a way, because Della might never come back.

"She was my go-all-in," I said as I stared down at the smashed-up bar stool.

"Your what?" Jace asked.

"Della was my go-all-in. She was my winning hand. You can't play when you go all in and lose. I'm out."

"No, you're not. This hand ain't over yet," Rush said.

I hoped he was right.

Two weeks later . . .

Della

"Where are we now?" I asked Tripp as I got off the back of his bike---without his help this time.

"What have you been doing back there? Sleeping? We've passed several signs announcing our arrival at the home of the King," Tripp said as he grabbed our bags and headed for the hotel to get us a room.

"The King?" I asked, following him.

"Yeah, you know . . . hunka hunka burnin' love," Tripp said.