He shook his head and inhaled a rage-filled breath. “I will never let you do it.”

I threw up my hands, exasperated. “It’s not your decision!”

“I’ll stop you.”

“Will,” I said, my tone firm. “I order you to let me do what I need to do to stop the Fallen.”

His bottom lip trembled and he sucked it in as he accepted defeat. His gaze fell and he didn’t breathe for an agonizing few moments. “If you do it, then you’ll kill me too.”

I fought back a sob and touched his cheek, softly turning his face to mine. “No. You aren’t giving up. You have to keep fighting.”

“What about you?” he whispered, his voice breaking. “You can’t give up either.”

A tear rolled down into the corner of my smile. “I always come back to you.”

The pain on his face was heartbreakingly clear. Suddenly he looped an arm around my waist, tugged me against him, and he kissed me. I broke the kiss, unable to breathe as I fought to keep myself from crying. He held me close and I buried my face in his warm chest and closed my eyes tight. I didn’t want to die. I didn’t want to end, but I would if I had to in order to stop this war.

19

IN THE MORNING, WE SAID OUR FAREWELLS TO Icarus. Will and I didn’t talk much on our trip back to Michigan. I could tell that he wasn’t angry, but he was definitely thinking. I decided to let him be, to let him work out whatever he needed to in his head. I had already made up my mind about my own plan of action, but a part of me hoped that Will would find a way to prevent me from doing what I had to do. Strangely, ending my life wasn’t what I was so afraid of. Although I couldn’t remember anything from Heaven or what it had been like to be an archangel, I’d seen enough of Michael, Azrael, and Sammael to be certain that I didn’t want to be like them. I didn’t want to change and to become someone who really wasn’t me anymore. I wanted to stay who I was: Ellie.

Marcus and Ava had also come to a dead end, as we had, and Cadan’s guardianship of the grimoire for a few days was uneventful. No one had bothered to unpack anything and everyone’s luggage sat around Will’s living room as we discussed our next move.

“Ellie and I are headed to Belgium,” Will said. “Icarus seemed positive that something big is hidden there, so it might be wise for all of us to go.”

“I can get plane tickets for tomorrow,” Marcus offered. “Finding lodgings shouldn’t be difficult either. once we arrive, we should split up to cover more ground.”

“I agree,” Ava said. “In case there’s a situation that one team can’t handle alone, we should remain close enough that we can meet up quickly.”

I felt pleased with our plan so far, and despite my exhaustion, I was excited and optimistic for the next leg of our search. “Safety is a priority,” I added to Ava’s suggestion. “I think Cadan should join you and Marcus. Will and I can carry the grimoire with us to keep it safe.”

“Done,” Cadan said. “I know some demonic hangouts we can crash while we’re at it.”

“Don’t get too distracted,” I warned with a teasing grin. “We’re out to kick specific ass.”

“Right, boss,” he said with a salute.

“One more thing,” I said. “When we evoke Azrael, I want all of us to be there. If he won’t fight for us, then we’ll have to discuss our Plan B.”

Will got up abruptly and left the room without a word. I shifted in my seat and Cadan caught my gaze with a questioning look. I shook my head at him, hoping my nonverbal response was a strong enough hint to him not to open his mouth.

Marcus stood up, breaking the awkward silence. “On that note, I’m going to go see Kate and say good-bye.”

On Cadan’s way out, he dropped his head by my ear. “You’ll let me know if something’s wrong, okay?”

“I will,” I said honestly. “We’re under a lot of stress and he’s just worried.”

“I understand,” he said with a smile. “See you across the pond.”

“You got it.”

He followed Marcus out the door and I turned to go find Will, but Ava caught up with me and took my arm.

“Ellie, hey,” she said in a low voice. “Are you all right?”

I chewed on my lip, unable to hide my nervousness. “Things got intense out in Arizona.”

“Did something happen?”

I wasn’t sure how much I wanted to reveal to her about Michael’s visit, because somehow, what happened out there felt like something that was between Will and me. “Michael showed up.”

Her eyes widened and “Oh” was all she said.

Her oddly knowing response made me wonder how much she knew about the extent of my relationship with Will. I hadn’t said anything to anyone yet about us sleeping together—and that wasn’t something I especially wanted to discuss with Ava, given her short-lived history with him.

When I didn’t say anything more, she continued in a careful tone. “Will told me he was worried Michael would pay a visit if certain things happened.”

With that, I was pretty sure Ava had just let me know that she’d figured it out. “Our conversation ended on a good note, I think.”

“So things are tense with you and Will because of Michael, not because of…”

This is so awkward. This is so awkward. “Yes, definitely because of Michael almost executing Will.”