“Me?” the demonic reaper muttered, and tried to stand straight. “No. That stuff’s in the book that Merodach has.”

“The grimoire of Antares?”

“Yes. There are more spells like the one that summoned Lilith, but I don’t know what the spell is, I swear. I only know that it’s in there.”

“Does Merodach have the only copy of the grimoire? He has the original, but are there others that you know of?”

“There’s one copy,” Xastur said, and wheezed. “Merodach is trying to find it before you do.”

This had to be the copy that Nathaniel had written. “He doesn’t know where it is?”

“No, but he knows who has it. A collector named Ethan Stone. Merodach has been combing the eastern seaboard looking for this guy. We suspect he’s a psychic and has found a way to hide from the demonic.”

“Thank you,” I said, and turned to the others. “We need to find Ethan Stone.”

They nodded, but all four of them paled when they saw my face. I assumed that was because of the blood.

Cadan stared at me with a look like he was trying to see the path in a maze. “What is wrong with…?”

“Ellie, I think we should go,” Will said carefully, his expression tight with worry. He even seemed a little afraid.

“I want his head first,” I replied and lifted my blade.

Xastur’s face lit up. “No! You said you’d let me go!”

“I didn’t say that I’d let you go alive.”

I stepped back, swung my sword over my shoulder, and ripped it screaming through the air. The blade bit through flesh and bone and crunched into the wall. The reaper’s head toppled over and hit the floor before rolling past my feet. The body crumpled to the floor and shattered into gravel. I had to give the blade a strong tug in order to dislodge it from the wall. When I looked up, I caught my reflection on a shard of glass from a broken window and saw what had frightened Will. For an instant, I thought it was angelfire shimmering off my eyes, but my irises had all but disappeared on their own, replaced with the bright white light I saw in my nightmares and feared more than almost anything.

11

I WOKE EARLY THE NEXT MORNING FEELING STIFF and wretched. Although I’d managed to avoid anything involving news coverage or peer speculation about the events of last night, a difficult conversation with Kate still loomed ahead of me. I was still too shaken. By now she had to know about Landon. His mom had already called Nana so there was no doubt she’d called Mrs. Green, too. All I wanted to do was run away from everything as fast as I could. Will quietly agreed to go for a run with me and we traveled at a quick pace down the winding country road close to Will’s house. I didn’t believe I’d ever run twenty miles so fast in my life. Even when my lungs burned and my legs turned to jelly, I couldn’t stop. If I slowed down, then it would all catch up with me.

Back at the house, I trudged up toward the front porch, but Will caught my arm. I turned to him. The early-morning dew coated our skin, mixed with sweat and the scent of grass. The warm glow of sunrise brought out the color in his hair. My own tresses looked like they were on fire.

“Hey,” he said softly. “You haven’t said a word since we left. Are you okay?”

“Trying to be.” In truth, I only wanted to be strong and to keep going. I couldn’t allow myself to curl into a ball because I’d lost so much. I still had something left to fight for.

He pulled me close, his hands sliding up to cup my face. His lips brushed mine, warm and soft, a scent I could drink, and I kissed him back harder, desperate to cling to him. When I broke the kiss, I held his gaze and smoothed my hand across his rough cheek. My bottom lip trembled as an intense wave of despair crashed over my heart. It seemed as if the closer we came to victory, the more people I loved were lost. If I lost Will, then my soul would die. I’d had a taste of what life felt like without him and I couldn’t endure that again. For an intense, fleeting moment, I thought of suggesting we go for another run, only this time we’d never come back.

“No matter how hard it gets,” he whispered, “I’ll be by your side. I’ll never stop fighting.”

“I won’t either,” I promised and kissed him again. “Come sit out back with me?”

I took his hand and led him into the backyard to the swing where I used to sit with Nathaniel and talk. I only wanted to swing and let the motion rock me into senselessness. Will sat next to me and I rested my head on his shoulder and rocked back and forth, staring out onto the lake. A loon drifted not too far from shore, crying its mournful call to no one in particular.

“Do you ever feel guilty?” I asked him.

“About fighting?”

“About things like last night. What I did was pretty messed up.”

“It may have been,” he agreed. “And though this doesn’t excuse the wrongness, we got what we needed out of that vir. This information could change the course of the war.”

“As sick as it is, I feel better after what we did to Xastur,” I confessed. “His blood can’t bring back the souls he’s taken over hundreds of years, including the souls of my friends he murdered last night, but I’m glad for what we did to him. It was his turn to hurt and we came nowhere near giving him exactly what he deserved. I don’t feel any guilt at all and I know how messed up that is. I feel like I lost a piece of myself last night.”