Lily had to clear her throat. “Thanks, Bliss.”

She left Lily sitting alone in the kitchen, not knowing exactly how to feel about herself and Shade. The kitchen door opened again and Beth came in, still half-asleep.

“Tell me why we volunteered for this again.”

“Because we enjoy cooking for the holidays,” Lily suggested.

“That’s true.” Beth yawned as she poured herself a cup of coffee.

“And because we’re nuts.”

“I won’t disagree with that, either.”

After they both finished their coffee, they began cooking all the dishes that the members had requested. It was a massive task, but Evie soon showed up to pitch in and the morning passed quickly.

Lily had set the turkey on the serving platter when Pastor Dean walked into the kitchen with Viper.

“The smell of turkey and stuffing… ask and the Lord shall provide,” Pastor Dean said, gazing down at the turkey in admiration.

When Beth teased him that he could eat the twenty-pound bird by himself, the pastor replied, “I don’t know about that, but I hope one of those legs has my name on it.”

Evie picked the turkey up. “You can take that up with the other men. The Lord only gave this turkey two legs.”

Lily picked up a casserole, carrying it out to the dining room where Ember and Stori had decorated the table and all the members who had stayed were already seated. Lily took a chair at the opposite end of where Pastor Dean took his.

Lily sat quietly eating her dinner, not joining the conversation around her unless someone spoke directly to her. After dinner, the desserts were fought over as much as the turkey and stuffing had been. Lily ate a small portion and then began carrying the dirty plates into the kitchen. Shade followed her into the kitchen, packing another stack of dishes.

“You were quiet at dinner.”

“Just tired, I guess. It’s been a long day,” Lily said quietly.

Shade leaned against the counter, watching her face carefully. “Bliss said she had a talk with you this morning. Did something she said upset you?”

“No, we’re fine,” Lily replied as she loaded the dishwasher.

Shade nodded his head, yet she could tell he sensed her disquiet.

“Ready for some football?” Rider asked as the rest of the club came through the kitchen to go into the television room.

“Go ahead. I’m going to head to bed when I finish,” Lily urged, waving her hand at Shade to go.

“I’ll be up after the game.”

“Okay.”

Shade left, going into the room to find a space on the already overflowing couch.

“Need any help?” Beth asked.

“Nope, I’ve got it covered. I’m almost finished. Go watch the game.”

“I think I will. I’m exhausted.” Lily watched as her sister sat down on the arm of the couch next to Razer. Reaching up, he tugged her down onto his lap and then Beth laid her head on his shoulder. The love between them brought a lump to Lily’s throat.

She finished the dishes, wiping her hands on the dishcloth before folding it and placing it on the counter. Instead of going to bed, she slipped out the kitchen door while everyone’s attention was on the game. Taking a deep breath, she walked across the backyard, taking the path to Shade’s house. She climbed the steps to the porch then sat down on the top step. Sitting there, she looked out over the vast expanse of the mountains, not feeling the temperature drop as night began to fall.

“You’re going to get sick sitting out here in the cold without a jacket.” Pastor Dean walked to the bottom of the steps, looking up at her.

Lily tensed; she hadn’t seen him approach from the house.

“I was just about to go in,” Lily replied.

When Pastor Dean walked up the steps, taking a seat next to her, Lily turned her face away from him.

“Why have you been avoiding me?” Pastor Dean asked quietly.

“I haven’t been avoiding you. I saw you last week at the store and Sunday at church.”

“You hide behind Rachel at the store and you take off as soon as church is over, and you haven’t said two words to me today. What’s wrong, Lily?”

She leaned her head against the wooden rail next to her, not letting him see her face in the darkness. “Because I’m so ashamed,” Lily’s voice trembled.

“What on earth have you got to be ashamed of?” His stunned voice only made Lily want to hide from him more.

“Because I don’t belong in your church.” Lily licked her cold lips. “I’m not the person you think I am. I’ve done things, Pastor Dean. Things I know that God’s not going to forgive me for.”

“Lily, don’t. Please don’t think like that.” He reached out to touch her shoulder, but Lily moved away, not wanting him to touch her. She was too unclean to even be sitting next to him.

“It’s true. I…I…” Lily’s voice firmed. “Before I came to Treepoint to live with Beth’s parents, I lived with my mother. She… she wasn’t a nice person. She had me do things, Pastor, to men she would bring to our apartment.” She shuddered, remembering the revolting things she had been forced to do. “I didn’t want to, but she would make me drink liquor so that I wouldn’t fight them. I quit fighting what she wanted me to do so she wouldn’t make me drink it anymore. Do you think God will forgive me for that? She told me that, if I told my friends, she would kill them. I knew she would because I was her daughter and she didn’t care if I was dead or alive. She just wanted the money they would give her for me.”

“Dear God. Lily, stop…” Pastor Dean’s voice was hoarse, yet Lily continued. She had to make him see that she didn’t deserve to be in his company, that he wasn’t the one at fault for her not being the Christian he believed her to be.

“If she couldn’t find someone for me, she would send me to apartments where she knew that the men lived alone and make me ask if they wanted company for the night. I learned how to do what she wanted or she would beat me so bad, I couldn’t go outside and play with my friends until I healed. If anyone came to ask about me, she would tell them I was too sick to play.”

“What happened to your mother?” Pastor Dean’s voice was harsh.

“Her boyfriend moved in with us. He was nice for a while. He paid the bills and gave her money to spend. He even bought me my first doll, but she would get mad at him because he wouldn’t give her extra money for her pills, so she would wait until he went to work and sneak men into the apartment.

“One day, he came home early and saw me in bed with a man. Marshall pulled a gun out and made them sit on the bed, and told me to get dressed. I heard him call someone, but I was too scared to listen. He made us all sit there until someone knocked on the door.”

“Who was it?”

“I don’t know. I’d never seen him before, but he was big and scary to me because, when Marshall told him what he’d seen when he came home, he took the gun and killed my mother and the man on my bed.” Lily took a deep breath. “Then he turned to me, asking me if Marshall had ever touched me and when I told him yes, he killed Marshall. He lit a fire on my bed and made me leave with him. I didn’t try to scream; I was too scared.”