Zach takes off ahead of me, ducking and turning, avoiding the trees and branches. My horse follows him, and I focus on not losing him. My father put lights on the back of our saddles, so I can see a dot. “Cayden!” I call out as I ride. Hoping he hears me.

I can faintly hear Zach doing the same.

We ride for what seems like forever until I can hear the rushing water. I slow down and shine the flashlight, calling out, “Cayden!”

“Go to the right, I’ll take the left,” Zach instructs.

I search all over the falls area. The full moon is bright and helps illuminate the normally dark woods.

“Please, Cayden!” At some point my screaming becomes sobs. I’m tired, weak, and emotionally done. I won’t quit though, not when my baby needs me. But my tears fall as I search for my son. “Cay!” I need him so much. I don’t care that he’s been angry or defiant, I just want him in my arms. “Cayden, please, Cayden.”

Zach trots over and hops off his horse. He holds my waist and helps me down. “Look at me,” he commands. “I’m going to find him.”

“He must be so scared.” I hold on to his arms as I tremble. “This is my fault! I shouldn’t have let him go.”

“This isn’t your fault. None of this is your fault.” He grips my face, and I hold his wrists. “You have to be strong. I know you’re scared, but trust me, Presley. I’m not going home until we have him safe, okay?”

I believe him. He says the words with such authority, I know he means it. He presses his lips to my forehead before releasing me. “I can’t lose him, Zach.”

“You’re not going to.”

I pull myself together and muster whatever strength I can. Where else could he have gone? There are so many trails. Zach and I both drink some water, and he calls Wyatt. They talk about the areas they’ve searched and our search party is now the entire town of Bell Buckle. Everyone is out on their horses, four wheelers, and trucks searching for him.

Zach hangs up the phone. “Let’s follow the creek. If he likes the water it would make sense to think he would stay close to the water.”

I’ve lost the ability to make decisions right now, so I nod and pray that Zach will find my baby.

W E RIDE AT A STEADY pace, calling his name, and looking for anything that would give us a clue. Zach checks in with the rest of the searchers, so far nothing. It has to have been at least two hours of riding down this creek. My hope drains with each passing minute.

Worry grips my throat, choking the life from me. I can’t manage anything except short breaths.

I wonder if he’s sleeping, cold, scared, or if he’s hurt. Memories assault me one by one. The way he felt in my arms right after he was born. Holding his tiny little hand with my finger. How he sounded when he said “Ma” for the first time. I remember the way he would look at me when he would do something wrong. Cayden was always the more mischievous one, but he was so cute, I couldn’t be mad for too long.

Growing up, my mother always said, “God only gives you what you can handle.” Well, I’ve reached my capacity.

Zach slows, waiting for me. “You okay?”

“Not even in the slightest.”

“Do you need to rest for a minute?” he asks.

I look at him with a blank stare. I’m not stopping. There’s nothing that could keep me from continuing my search. “Every minute we waste is a minute he might need.”

“At least eat something.” He hands me an energy bar. “You drank a lot and need your energy if we’re going to keep riding.”

He’s right. I grab the food, taking a few bites. “Thanks,” I say softly. “I appreciate you doing this.”

“I’d do anything for you,” he says as he trots forward.

I pull back on the reins, stop, and wait for him to turn around. “You can’t say stuff like that to me,” I demand. “You can’t mess with my head. Don’t you see how fucked-up I am?”

Zach closes the distance. “You’re hurting. You’re not fucked-up.”

“What are you doing?” I shake my head. “You have her. Why are you saying these things to me?”

Zach hops down and grabs the bridle, forcing me to stop exactly where I am. “Do you know that I was planning to propose the day you came back to Bell Buckle? Do you know why Felicia doesn’t have a ring on her finger?”

I don’t want to hear this. “I can’t do this right now.” Tears form as I contemplate everything that’s happened tonight. It’s too much.

He looks at the sky and lets out a heavy breath. “You’re right. Now’s not the time. When you’re ready, after we find Cayden, and you want to know the truth, I’m here.”

Zach lets go of the horse and walks toward the water. My chest aches for so many reasons. I want to know what he feels, but I don’t at the same time. I watch him squat and splash his face with water. We’re all exhausted, scared, and praying for a miracle.

I don’t know why, but I get down. My feet move on their own until I’m standing beside Zach. I need to be close to him. I need to feel some flicker of hope that everything’s going to be okay. His arm wraps around my back and I turn into him. “Just hold me,” I request.

And he does.

He holds me close. He holds me secure. He holds me like I haven’t been held in so long.

I close my eyes and rest in his safety. I try to find my center, feel the world around me, and allow the calm to wash over me. I’m so lost, weightlessly drifting and hoping for something to tether me. Right now, I feel as if I’ve been caught and I might be able to stand on my own. In his arms, I can fight.

My fingers grip his shirt, and I slowly raise my gaze until I find his eyes. I hold on with everything I have. I don’t want to let go. I don’t want to float anymore. “Zach,” I whisper. “Don’t let me go.”

He doesn’t let go as he presses his forehead to mine. We stand like this, wrapped up in each other as I beg God for my son.

Please, I need him. I’ve lost too much.

Zach’s head lifts from mine. I open my eyes and look at him but he’s searching for something.

“Presley,” Zach’s arms fall. The calm I had vanishes with his embrace. “Look, over there!”

My eyes go to the spot he’s pointing to. There’s a horse tied to a branch. “Cayden,” I mumble. “Cayden!” I scream out and run as fast as my legs can move.

“Cayden!” Zach calls out looking around. “Where are you, buddy?”

We call out over and over as I rush toward the tree. “It’s my dad’s horse. It’s Shortstop!” I say to Zach as we scour the area. “He was here.” We both take off in different directions looking for where he could be.

“Mom!” Cayden’s voice cracks.

I scan the area, trying to find where his little voice is coming from.

“I found him!” Zach yells as he rushes down the hill. “We’re here, Cayden.”

My heart pounds against my ribs as I run to them. I start to cry as my feet slide against the wet leaves. I move as fast as I can, and the second I see him, I can breathe. “Cayden!” Relief floods me. He’s okay.