Say You'll Stay Page 19
“I’m sure.” She hasn’t.
Zach rubs his hands on his legs. This is uncomfortable for both of us. “Can we not talk about her? Please,” he pleads. “I didn’t come here to fight.”
“What do you want to talk about?”
It’s not like I even want to have this conversation, but it seems it’s unavoidable. “This used to not be so hard,” he says as he grabs the back of his neck. “We used to talk about anything.”
“Zach,” I say with a sigh. “I don’t know what you want here. It’s been almost eighteen years since we last saw each other. And when we said goodbye it wasn’t on good terms. There’s a shit ton unresolved between us. If you came here for forgiveness—I forgive you. If you came here for a friendship—I can’t do that.”
He sits back and doesn’t respond. I wait for him to say something after my tirade, but I get nothing.
Well, I refuse to say another word.
Finally, he clears his throat. “I didn’t come here looking for anything. I came here because Wyatt said you have no plans of leaving. I thought you were passing through, so I stayed away. I knew you didn’t want to see me. And if we’re being honest, I didn’t know if I wanted to see you.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“Let me finish.” He groans. “You bring up a whole lot of shit I buried.”
“Well, sorry to make you suffer.”
“Fucking hell, Presley.” His voice grows more agitated. “I’m trying to be nice here.”
I couldn’t give a shit what he’s trying to do. “Seventeen years! Seventeen years! Nice? You think being nice is going to erase all of that? Did you really think I was going to be happy to see you? I’ve avoided this damn town because it hurts too much.” I let out a long breath through my nose. “I’m not in love with you. I don’t need to clear anything up. Everyone keeps talking about you, and I don’t want to! Every single place here has something that reminds me of you. Hell, this damn desk does!”
His eyes go to it as his grin forms. Bastard. “I live with the memories too. You’re not the only one who lost here. I wanted a future, but you closed that door when I left.”
“Say that last part again.”
“I didn’t leave you because I didn’t love you. I wanted to build a life with you! It didn’t have to be over!”
My heart skips a beat. As much as I will try to fight the draw—it’s there. Zach holds a string that’s tied inside of me. If he pulls, I’ll unravel. I’m praying I can keep enough tension to prevent that pain. I’ve had enough in the last few months.
“Yeah.” I sigh. “It really did.” So many things he doesn’t even have a clue about. What I went through when he left. The heartache I endured . . . he doesn’t have an inkling of what I suffered.
“I know I hurt you. I hate that I broke your heart. I also know you’re married.”
I look at my hand. He heard Wyatt say I was single. He’s fishing, but the truth is already out there. “My husband passed away, but I’m guessing you know something about that.” I challenge him. “I highly doubt your mama didn’t mention it.”
“I’m sorry. I really am,” he says, leaning forward. “All I knew was that you were back because of something with him, but I was trying to let you say it.”
So many years. So many memories between us. It’s easy to look at him and recall them all. Zach reminds me of a time when life was just—easy. We lived as if nothing could touch us. We had passion, trust, love, and hope for the future we dreamed of. I still see the boy who had the world at his feet. He’s deep inside this man who I don’t know anymore.
“I really need to get back to work.”
“Mom!” Logan barrels through the door. “Cayden took my iPad and deleted all the pictures.” His face is red from either running or crying.
“I’m sure we’ll get them back,” I reassure him.
Logan pants, trying to catch his breath. “They had all my pictures of Dad.”
I stand and come around the desk as he holds the tablet out. “I have photos of your daddy. Don’t worry.”
The chair shifts and Zach stands as Logan and I look over. My chest constricts at the sight of my son standing before the man that could’ve been my husband. My eyes shift between them.
Zach steps forward with a smile. “Hey there. I’m Zach Hennington.” He extends his hand. “You know my brother, Wyatt?”
“Oh! I’m Logan,” Logan exclaims and puts his hand in Zach’s. “Wyatt is fun. He took us out on the horses this morning. He and Uncle Cooper are going to teach us to shoot a gun today!”
“The hell they are!” I scoff. I swear, these damn men in my life.
“Stop being a baby, Mom.”
Zach smirks. “Wyatt really likes when you tell him how bad he missed.”
Logan grins as if they’re in some secret pact. “Thanks, man.”
“Any time.”
Logan runs off, completely forgetting about the iPad issue. Zach’s entire demeanor shifts. His eyes fill with some emotion I can’t place. “Logan?”
“Yeah? And his twin brother is Cayden.” I have no clue where he’s going with this.
“You named your son Logan?” He moves around the room, stopping and then starting again.
“Zach?”
He takes two steps, and his body is almost touching mine. I stop breathing from his proximity, and that light-headed feeling floods back. His hand lifts and drops before he touches me. “I need to leave.”
I muster all the strength I have. “You always do.”
The hurt flashes in his eyes, but he recovers quickly. “I’m not the same man I was then. I wasn’t even a man. I was twenty-two years old with a lot of dreams.” Zach steps back and I can breathe again.
I get that we were kids. Deep down I’m fully aware I’m being unjust. Zach was offered the chance of a lifetime. He took it. But in the wake of that decision, I was left to pick up the pieces. Alone in a town away from my family, with a broken promise, and a lot of heartache. When he followed his dream, he annihilated mine of a life together.
“I know, and if it weren’t for those choices, I wouldn’t have the life I do now.”
As I say the words, I’m unsure if I’m happy about that or angry again. Funny how there can be so many meanings to one sentence.
“I’m sorry you lost your husband. I truly am.”
“I’m glad you found Felicia,” I reply. I’m completely full of shit. Of all the people in the world, she’s the worst of them. Right now, I don’t want anything from him but for him to leave me the hell alone.
I’m barely holding on. Being around him like this . . . hurts. I miss him. I’ve missed him for so long. Yes, I loved my husband very much. Yes, my life was fine without Zach. But Zach knew me without having to say a word.
There were never questions about what was wrong. He just knew. And God how I miss that level of friendship. Even after a decade of being with Todd, he never had that with me. It was different.
Zach steps closer, and I retreat. His proximity isn’t a good thing. “I’m not going to hurt you, Presley.”