I’m overcome with so many conflicting emotions.

I hate myself for being weak.

I love that he’s here.

I hate him for making me love him.

I love how well we fit together.

I want to slap him for causing me pain.

More than anything, I want to cry.

Tears stream down my face as he starts to move. Trent doesn’t say a word. He wipes them away as they continue to fall. I feel everything pass between us. There’s no denying the intensity of this moment.

Trent makes love to me while my heart splinters into a thousand tiny shards. Each thrust cuts me a little deeper. I feel all that he wants me to, but most of all, I feel fear. Fear that I won’t be able to keep him at arm’s length anymore, that the excuse of loneliness will become much more. If I give him this once again, history will repeat itself. Our track record isn’t the best, and he’s still yet to say the words to me.

“Gracie.” He forces me to open my eyes again. “I’m close.”

His hand finds my clit again and he starts to rub circles. My body, in all its turmoil, starts to respond. He kisses me, touches me, and I let myself free of everything. I grip his shoulders, digging my nails in as my toes start to curl. “God! Yes! Trent!” I yell as white-hot pleasure tears through me.

His orgasm follows shortly after, leaving us both slick with sweat and breathing heavy. As the pulses of pleasure fade, spikes of panic take their place. Unaware of the war that’s waging inside me, Trent shifts his weight and gives me enough room to scoot off the bed. I need space, a door between Trent and me, so I close myself in my bathroom and flip the lock. My heart firing a hail of pain and regret and longing and love.

I stare at myself in the mirror and fight back the tears. What the hell did I just do? How could I sleep with him? I was over him. I was working on it at least, and then I give in? There’s seriously something wrong with me. We’ll never stop making the same mistakes.

My hands grip the counter, and my head falls. I truly don’t know how we went from yelling at each other, his circumventing telling me how he feels, to us having sex.

I’m a stupid idiot.

A weak, stupid idiot.

I slap the counter and sink to the floor.

Well, now what? I can’t go back out there. I can’t face him because clearly I have no rational thinking when it comes to him.

“Grace?” Trent knocks on the door. “You all right?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” My voice is shaky, and there’s no way he’ll fall for it.

“What’s wrong?” he asks softly from the other side of the door.

Oh, just lost my dignity and sanity. Nothing new.

“Please go. I’m not feeling so good.” I try for the only excuse I have: hangover. “I don’t think the wine is agreeing with me.”

Trent doesn’t say anything and hope blooms that maybe he’ll believe me. “You were fine a minute ago.”

“I’m feelin’ a bit nauseous.” And I can’t look you in the eye.

Trent clears his throat and tries to open the door. “I have to meet my father and brothers for that fishing trip, I don’t want to leave you if you’re sick. Plus, I think we should talk about what happened.”

I put my robe on and tie it tightly around me. He isn’t going to leave if I don’t face him. Plus, I doubt I’m getting away with anything here. He knows me well enough to tell when I’m lying.

I open the door to see him standing there fully dressed. “Hi,” I say sheepishly.

“You okay?”

“I drank a lot last night.”

His eyes narrow the slightest bit. “Right.” The hurt flashes across his face, but he recovers quickly. If I didn’t know him so well, I would’ve missed it.

I need to get out of this room. Instead of staying here, looking at the crime scene, I head out to the living room.

Trent grasps my arm when I try to move farther away. “Where are you goin’? And don’t tell me you not being able to look me in the eye has nothing to do with what just happened.”

I close my eyes and muster all the strength I have. There’s no going back, I made my choice, and now I have to face it. My chest tightens as all my emotions from the last hour bubble up.

His hand drops and I turn to look at him. “This never should’ve happened. Nothing is different. Nothing has changed. You still can’t give me what I want, and I clearly can’t walk away from you.”

“Have you heard nothing I’ve said over the last few weeks?” Trent bellows. “Are you fucking kiddin’ me?” My head pounds as he gets louder. “You think nothing has changed? God dammit, Grace!”

I shake my head and take a step back. “Stop yelling at me!”

He moves closer. “So what was that?” He points to the bedroom. “Was that just some slip up?”

“I told you! I told you I was done! This is what we do!” Instead of moving away from him, I get closer. My anger takes hold as I let it all out. “I tell you it’s over, and you find a way to break me down. You push me and manipulate me into believing it’ll be different each and every time. I love you! I love you so much it hurts, and you keep breaking me! You don’t love me. You don’t know what that even means!”

“The fuck I don’t!” Trent is in my face in an instant, his hands grip my arms, and he pulls me forward. “This isn’t the same as before. This is me tellin’ you I’m changin’. For you, I’m tryin’ to be the man you want.”

I shake my head, trying to stay strong, because I don’t believe him. I tear my arms out of his grasp and take a step back. “I need you to leave.”

“No.”

“Please, I need to think. I need to not be hungover when we have this conversation.”

“I need to know what I did that was so bad that you’re willing to push me away. What did I do that is so fucking awful that you decide to punish me by dating Cooper?”

I stop moving and the blood drains from my face. He thinks I’m purposely trying to hurt him? That’s the last thing I would ever do. All I want is for the two of us to find some semblance of happiness.

“I’m not punishing you. None of this is about you. It’s about me and tryin’ to find someone who will love me, Trent. Don’t you get it? Don’t you see that I’m dyin’ inside because you won’t love me?” I move so we’re standing face to face. Tears fill my eyes as I pour my heart and soul out to him. “I miss you every single day. Each day I wake up, roll over, and you’re not there. It hurts me so much more than you’ll ever know.” A tear falls from my face. “But the thing is, I’ve been missing you for a long time. I’ve been alone even when you were here. You build this wall and shut me out. I wish I could pinpoint when it happened. I wish I could fix it, but I can’t do it anymore.”