This surgery was a long shot. Being a surgeon took a different level of control than most things. He couldn’t responsibly do his job if he had pain in his hand, if he had any altered sensation; because one painful jerk, one twitch of his hand could mean life and death.

“You okay?” Trevor asked him as Simon waited to get taken to the back.

He thought about lying but then admitted, “I’m not sure.”

Trevor glanced around, as if he was unsure, but then leaned in and gave Simon a quick kiss. It didn’t matter to Simon if anyone had seen. He’d needed it.

“You got this, doc,” Trevor told him. “No matter what, we’ll figure it out.”

Meaning if things worked and Simon could get his career back, Trevor wasn’t walking away.

“Dr. Malone? They’re ready for you now.” A nurse stood waiting for Simon.

“You’re incredible. Everything about you. I know you don’t see it, but I do.” Simon smiled at him. “I’ll see you soon.” And then he turned and walked away from Trevor.

CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

Heather had been right about the surgery. It hadn’t taken long at all. Simon went home the next day with a prescription for pain meds. They spent one night at the beach house before driving back home to Rockford Falls. Simon had a post-op evaluation in a week, and from there they would know a little more about how things went.

Trevor would be lying if he didn’t admit things were more strained than before. They’d protected themselves in a bubble, which worked for both of them. Trevor hadn’t wanted to be around people, and Simon, either, but it seemed whenever they were—whether it was his family or people Simon knew, they didn’t jive the same as when they were alone.

A couple days after arriving home, Trevor’s mom stopped by to see how Simon was doing. She was trying to get to know the man who meant so much to her son. Simon didn’t always do well with people on a good day, and on that day he’d been in a bad mood because of his hand. A random comment from his mom about her upcoming forty-sixth birthday in a couple weeks, shot Simon’s irritability up another level. Apparently the fact that he was twelve years older than Trevor, yet less than ten years younger than Trevor’s mom, didn’t sit well with him.

But when it was just the two of them, things were incredible. It was more than Trevor ever thought he would have.

Simon asked about Trevor officially moving all his things in, yet Trevor still hadn’t done it.

In his life, he’d had made too many mistakes to count. He didn’t want this to be another one. He didn’t want to jump without thinking things through, even though the thought of sharing a home with Simon was close to irresistible.

But then, he loved Simon. They’d been together for months. They had a great friendship. They made each other happy. Shouldn’t that be all that mattered?

Maybe, if it wasn’t for the surgery. If Trevor was being honest, that was a big part of it for him. If it worked, Simon would want to go back to the city. Trevor knew himself well enough to admit he had no business in San Francisco for anything longer than a few days at a time. The city was too alive. The temptation was too great. He had to be smart, but he also didn’t think he could give this up.

“You’ve been quiet lately. That’s not like a Dixon brother.” Jase nudged him as they stood, drinking water. The sun burned down on them. Summer was coming to an end, and Trevor couldn’t wait for it.

“Did you love Blake?” he asked out of the blue. He’d never really talked to either of them about their relationship before. He’d been too fucked up to care. Plus, before he knew what it felt like, thoughts of love were never really on his radar.

“This about the doctor?” Jason poured the rest of his water over his head, wetting his short, blond hair.

Trevor rolled his eyes. “No, I’ve always been interested in your love life with my brother.”

“Oh, I see. You think you’re funny now?” Jason teased.

Trevor shook his head. “Yeah, it’s about Simon.”

Jason sat down on the curb, and Trevor joined him. Blake was still inside working. “I don’t think so. I mean, I love him. He’s a good friend, but I don’t think I was ever in love with him. I think it was more just something that happened. We were friends. We were both gay. We were both dealing with heavy shit that we didn’t want to deal with. Being with each other helped mask it. Being with each other every once in a while still helps.” He nudged Trevor’s arm and laughed.

Trevor ignored him. He really didn’t want to discuss his brother’s sex life. Trevor also didn’t want to get into the heavy shit Jason said Blake had been dealing with back then because he knew it was probably him.