Annette stood too, preparing. She’d known me a long time, she knew what was coming.

“Honey –” she started.

I turned from her to Tod.

“Tod, you’re sweet but it’s Indy’s wedding. The colors are pink and ivory, she’s having a DJ, not a band, so they can play AC/DC or whatever the f**k she wants to hear. If she wants gerbera daisies, she’s going to f**king wel have them. And there wil be no teddy bears anywhere. You of al people know India Savage is not a teddy bear person.” Tod blinked at me then said, “Okay, girlie. Sit down, let me get you more champagne.”

“No,” I continued. “I don’t think I can sit down and I don’t want any more champagne.” I started pacing. “Oh… my….

God! Bil y’s out there, watching me. I was walking Shamus with Hank and he was watching. I was talking with Hank in his 4Runner and he was watching. Hank kissed me and he was f**king watching! ”

“Honey, come here,” Annette said softly.

I ignored her.

“I tried to fix Hank up with another woman today. What was I thinking? I cannot believe I did that! I humiliated Beth.

It was bitchy, even though I didn’t mean to be bitchy, it was stil bitchy. Hank was so angry with me, he was so angry it hurt. Then, he wasn’t angry anymore. Just like that, poof! ” I flicked my hands out in front of me. “He had it under control and we were like, normal again. What in the hell is that al about? Fighting is supposed to be out of control, ugly and brutal, where you say shit you can’t take back and behave like idiots and someone, usual y me, ends up in tears. I don’t know how to fight like that, where you just say what you have to say and get over it. I mean, what the hel is that?”

I was now shouting.

“She gets like this sometimes. You just gotta rol with it,” Annette explained to the room.

I continued to ignore her and ranted on. “Hank wants to have a conversation tonight. We had a conversation last night! I can’t have another conversation! He’l say shit that freaks me out because he’s, like, in my brain. We haven’t even known each other for two weeks! How can he be in my brain? It’s unreal,” I yel ed.

Everyone kept silent and watched me.

“Then he’l kiss me and I’l get dizzy and won’t be able to think straight. This is too soon. It’s too much, too soon. I need to think, I need to get my life together, I need to get, the f**k, out of here.”

I started shaking and my nostrils started stinging and I knew it was coming. I couldn’t have stopped it even if I tried.

I turned to Annette as the tears fel down my cheeks.

“Nettie,” I whispered. “He’s out there and he’s watching me.”

Then I couldn’t see her anymore because she melted in my tears.

Arms closed around me and I heard Annette murmur in my ear. “Hush, sweetie. Hush now.”

“He’s watching me,” I repeated. “He’s watching me with Hank. I don’t want his filthy eyes on Hank.”

“Hush,” Annette said.

I wrapped my arms around her and held on tight. She held me back and only moved to stroke my hair.

After awhile, I heard her say, “Can we use your bathroom?”

“I’l show you,” Stevie said and his hands were light on

“I’l show you,” Stevie said and his hands were light on me as they guided me up the stairs.

Annette and Stevie helped me clean up my face in the bathroom. I pul ed myself together, holding Annette’s hand as Stevie wiped my face with a warm, wet washcloth.

“Feel better?” he asked, smiling encouragingly.

“No,” I told him, but I was trying to smile too.

He kissed my forehead. “You wil ,” he said and then looked me in the eyes again. “It may seem like you won’t, but you wil . I promise.”

I nodded, wanting to believe him, and, with a hand squeeze from Annette, we walked into the upstairs landing and heard Al y say, “I’m gonna talk to Lee. The minute they find that ass**le, I want my turn with him in the holding room.”

“Al y,” Indy said.

“Sugar, I’m talking to Marcus to-night,” Daisy broke in.

“He’s gotta step his shit up. Ain’t gonna be no holding room for Bil y f**king Flynn, not if I have anything to say about it.”

“Daisy,” Indy said.

“No f**king way. I want a shot at him first. I’m gonna kill that motherfucker,” Al y broke in.

“Al y,” Indy said.

“No, I’m gonna kil him,” Daisy declared.

“Oh for God’s sake, no one’s going to kil him!” Indy said, loudly this time.

Then Stevie, Annette and I jumped as we heard glass shatter.

After a second of loaded silence Indy said, now quietly,

“Tod.”

“Seen a lot of shit in my life,” Tod said, his voice vibrating with anger. “Lived in a closet for years, hiding who I was. My parents stil don’t know. Had friends die of AIDS, had other friends beaten up in parking lots and al eys for no other reason but because of who they are. Never has that been in my living room. Never have I seen a sweet, spirited being that f**king broken. No, I think I’m going to kil Bil y f**king Flynn.”

This announcement was met with silence from downstairs.

I swal owed and looked at Annette and Stevie.

Then I whispered, “Am I broken?”

Stevie’s hand came to my arm. “You’ve been trying so hard to cope, girlie, that you haven’t even realized you’ve been through hel . We’ve al been watching, we’ve al been worried. No one can be strong that long. It’s good this is happening, go with it. You need it.”

“But,” I said. “I’m not strong. I’m weak.” Stevie’s brows drew together. “Why would you think that?”

“I cry al the time,” I explained.

His hand went away from my arm and he waved it between us. “Oh, wel . So does Tod and he’s the strongest person I know. You would not even believe the shit he’s been through in his life.”

I blinked at him.

He linked his arm through mine. “That’s for a different bottle of champagne. Let’s get you an outfit for Daisy’s party, hmm?”

He walked me down the stairs and I threw a glance up at Annette.

She stood at the landing staring down. When she caught my eye, she blew me a kiss.

Her eyes were fil ed with tears.