1 Ruby

“We can't serve those!” I look down at the cookies, which are shaped like tiny dicks, and I try to convince myself I’m seeing things. It’s 5:30 in the morning, and I haven’t had any coffee yet, so maybe my brain is still putting things together. I scan the tray again, hoping I’m wrong. Nope. Definitely little cocks.

“Why not?” Gwen picks up one of the cock-shaped cookies and bites off the head, making me cringe. I don’t have a penis, but I can imagine that would hurt. “They taste delicious. I added a hint of pumpkin spice. Bitches love pumpkin spice.” She nods her head like it’s a fact that bitches love pumpkin spice. She finishes the cookie, moaning appreciatively. It gives a whole new meaning to ‘swallowing’ here at Red’s Goodie Basket.

“Do bitches like biting the heads off dicks too?”

Gwen scrunches her nose and looks down at the batch of cookies on the prep table. “They don’t look like dicks. They’re broomsticks.” But even as she defends herself, she tilts her head to study them.

“Pubic hair.” I point to what was supposed to be the bristles of a broom, then slide my finger across what I’m guessing should have been the actual broomstick. “The cock.”

She bites her lip, and I can tell she’s trying to find a way to prove me wrong.

“Gwen. If it’s a freaking broomstick, why is it cumming?” The end of the cookie has white icing shooting out of it and clearly looks like cum.

“That’s the magic coming out! It’s a witch’s broomstick!” She says it so earnestly that I’m not sure who she's trying to convince here, me or herself.

“Yeah, something’s coming out of it all right.”

Suddenly, we both bust out laughing. I should be frustrated, but laughing feels good. It’s something I haven’t done in a while, and I let it out, enjoying the silliness of the situation.

When we finally stop laughing, a worried look crosses her face. “It’s fine.” I try to reassure her. I only opened the bakery a little over a week ago, and I’m sure she thinks I might fire her. What she doesn’t know is, she’s the only person who applied for the job. For some reason I had a hard time transitioning to this quiet little town in Gray Ridge, Colorado.

If it wasn’t for the tourists who pass through, I wouldn’t have any business at all. Lucky for me there’s a national park nearby that keeps my little shop busy. I’m just not sure how long it will last once the snow starts hitting the mountains and the line of tourists slows down. I was told some of the roads get shut down around here after the first snow. Maybe by then the people who live here will start to warm to me. Otherwise it’s going to be a tight few months, and I’ll have to pull more from my savings. As the holidays are fast approaching, I’m hopeful everyone will need desserts.

It’s coming close to the end of October, and I thought some festive Halloween treats would be a good idea. When I mentioned it to Gwen, she jumped all over it, wanting to make them herself. She always seems to want to stay here as much as she can. I had a pile of paperwork to cover last night, so I gave her a shot at the cookies on her own. I went upstairs to my little apartment/office over the bakery and left her to it. This morning I’m seeing the error of my ways.

When I hired her, I knew she didn’t have any experience, but she seemed eager to learn. Whenever I made stuff, she watched my every move, absorbing all the information she could. I had gone to culinary school and was more than happy to teach her all my tricks. It’s been nice having someone to talk to who shares my interests, but she still has a long way to go when it comes to culinary crafts.

“Okay, we don’t have to serve these. What else did you make?”

Gwen makes her way over to the cooler, pulling out more cookies. She walks back over to me, putting down a huge tray of orange pumpkin cookies that read ‘EAT ME’ in giant black lettering.

“Why ‘eat me’?” I ask, looking at the perfectly made pumpkins. Perfect other than the message, of course.

“It’s subliminal messaging to the customers.” She nods her head like she’s been working in advertising and knows this is a selling secret. “People will just have to buy the cookies and eat them because the cookie told them to.”

“Anything else?” I cross my fingers behind my back, praying we might have something we’ll be able to sell today. Now I’m not so sure if I want us to be busy today. I need to whip up some usable cookies and Halloween treats on top of the normal stuff I sell. That would keep me in the back all day with Gwen running the counter by herself.

“I did some cupcakes too.” She bounces back over to the cooler, her excitement clear. Two seconds later she comes strolling out carrying a tray of cupcakes all iced in green, black, white, and orange. The only problem is there seem to be more cocks sticking out of the top of them.

“What is this?” I point to what clearly looks like a dick on top of a cupcake. Not that I’ve ever had experience with a real one, but I do have a Tumblr account.

“Those are fingers. Don’t they look creepy-cool?” I can tell she’s excited about this. I even fear she stayed extra late last night making them. Her face has a giant smile pasted across it, and I can’t seem to bring myself to pop her bubble.

“They’re great, Gwen.” I grab one of the trays, going to load it into one of the cases up front. I plot where I can put them, thinking maybe I can hide them behind a giant stack of Rice Krispie treats and some cakes or something. I could put them on the bottom row, but kids would be at eye level with them then. I guess I’ll have to put them on the top, and I cringe inwardly.