But now those words felt hollow and fake. And I was beginning to see the massive holes in our friendship.

I opened the text and saw a picture of Dania holding a bottle of vodka and Shane licking the side of her neck. The text read, Get over here bitch!

I thought about texting her back and giving an excuse but I knew that would never fly and I didn’t have the energy for another round of fend off Dania’s crazy.

I wrapped myself up in my I don’t give a shit shield and made my way to Dania’s apartment. I knocked on the door and tried not to sigh as I heard the sounds of laughter and loud music on the other side.

It was only seven o’clock and it seemed Dania had a party in full swing. I heard a door open down the hallway and an older woman poked her head out.

“You a friend of hers?” she asked, pointing to Dania’s door.

I thought about denying our relationship.

No ma’am, I’m just selling Bibles.

“Yeah,” I said, already knowing what she was going to say.

“Then you tell her to turn her damn music down. I’m sick and tired of banging on the wall,” the elderly lady wagged her finger and glared at me as though I were the one being a public menace.

“Sure thing,” I said just as she slammed her door closed. I rolled my eyes. It was no wonder Dania was being evicted. She most certainly didn’t understand what it meant to be a respectful neighbor.

Hell, she didn’t know what it meant to be a respectful anything.

The door swung open showing a scantily clothed Reggie. Her short brown hair was sticking out on all sides of her head and from the glassy focus of her eyes, I knew she was on something.

“Ellie…” she slurred, pulling me inside. I took in the usual crowd of people. Some weren’t nearly as inebriated as Reggie, but it was clear that they had been at it for a while.

“Here!” Reggie shoved a shot glass in my hand. Normally I would down it without a second thought. But I wasn’t in the mood to party. I was feeling edgy and I didn’t think alcohol would help with the situation.

Reggie stumbled off and soon I was absorbed into the party.

It was soon pretty apparent that these get-togethers weren’t nearly as fun while sober. Danielle Davis, a girl who had graduated a year ahead of me was throwing up off the balcony. Shane was playing sexual predator with a girl who looked like she was barely out of high school.

I hadn’t seen Dania yet, not that I was making a huge effort to find her.

I deposited the still full shot glass on the coffee table and headed into the kitchen, hoping I’d find my best friend. Instead I was met by a group of tweaked out jackassess snorting crushed up pills off the phone book.

How many times had I seen this and it had never fazed me? Often I had joined in. Now, I curled my lip and retreated into the living room, disgusted.

I was surrounded by people I couldn’t stand.

I headed toward Dania’s bathroom. I wanted a few minutes to myself. I needed to think of an excuse to leave. Something that I wouldn’t get crap for later.

But I opened the door to find Dania f**king Stu on top of the toilet. Her pregnant belly bulged outward while Stu groped her tits.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” I said holding my hand up so I could shield my eyes. I’d need to bleach my brain later.

Dania rolled her head to the side to find me trying to back out the door without throwing up.

“Ells!” she shrieked, her eyes unfocused, her speech slurred. She climbed off Stu’s lap and ran over, throwing her arms around me. She seemed unconcerned by the fact that she was completely naked.

“Fucking hell, Dania!” Stu yelled. He started stroking his dick while I was standing there. “Now, I’ve got take care of this myself,” he growled. Dania giggled.

This was wrong. So very, very wrong.

I pulled away from Dania and stumbled backwards. I needed to get out of there. I couldn’t do this.

Not anymore.

“Where are you going?” Dania asked, following me out into the living room.

There was laughter and catcalls as she flashed the entire party. She put her hand on her hip and struck a pose. It was obscene.

I stared hard at her stomach, thinking about the baby that lived in there. The baby she was hurting with her selfish behavior.

She wasn’t thinking about the person she was supposed to protect. She was throwing away his life, just like her mother had done to her.

And mine had done the day she had walked out and left me alone to fend for myself.

In that moment I hated Dania.

I really f**king hated her.

“I’ve got to go,” I said and hurried back to the front door.

I could hear Dania’s laughter as I fled.

I slammed the door behind me and leaned back against it heavily. The vibrations of the music rattled my bones just as my thoughts rattled my brain.

I had made a million excuses for Dania. For my friends. For the way we lived our lives.

How could I do that? How could I stand there and say I don’t give a shit?

I had been numb for so damn long.

But every day, every hour, the deep emotional freeze was beginning to thaw.

And it hurt.

It was excruciating.

But it made me feel strong.

I gripped my keys in my hand and headed out to my car.

I didn’t know where I was going but I knew where I wouldn’t be.

And that was here. Stuck. Never changing.

It was time to do something about it.

17

-Ellie-

I drove around for a while; thinking until I thought my head would explode. Somehow I had ended up parked at the bottom of a familiar graveled driveway. The night was noisy as I climbed out of my car.