“Dammit, don’t throw it in the toilet, you’ll ruin it!” Charlotte scolds.

“I’m pretty sure you ruined it by putting jizz on it!” I scream. “Why the f**k would you leave a jizz towel on the sink where anyone could use it?”

Charlotte shoulders past us and uses the tips of her fingers to pull the towel out of the toilet and then tosses it into the sink.

“I’d never use it. I knew it was a jizz towel,” Gavin replies with a shrug.

“Oh, my God! I scrubbed my f**king face with a towel that had your dry, crusty jizz on it!”

I can’t believe this is happening right now. My mom had a foursome, my dad isn’t my dad and now I have jizz face. Moving as fast as I can, I jump into the shower and turn on the water, not even caring that I’m fully clothed.

“Do you want us to leave so you can take your clothes off?” Charlotte asks, as the water rains down on me, soaking my t-shirt and jeans.

“I am NOT taking my clothes off. There could be trace particles of jizz on them! I’m going to have to burn these clothes!” I complain.

I keep my face under the scalding hot water, taking in large mouthfuls, swishing and then spitting on the shower floor.

“Eeeew, don’t spit in our shower!” Charlotte scolds.

“I HAVE GAVIN’S JIZZ ON MY FACE! I WILL SPIT WHEREVER THE FUCK I WANT!”

Gavin grabs Charlotte’s arm and pulls her towards the door. “How about we just give you a few minutes alone? We’ll be out in the living room. There are clean towels under the sink.”

I give him a dirty look when he mentions towels.

“Any and all jizz that was previously on those towels has been washed off, I swear,” Gavin adds before exiting the room and closing the door behind him.

With a sigh, I stand under the water until it starts to get cold.

Chapter 5 – Dick Nipples

“I can’t believe you’re making me do this. I don’t want to see him,” I complain, flopping down on the couch.

“Stop being a bitch to him for two seconds. Tyler is having a really bad day and he could really use some support.”

I bristle a little when she calls me out for being a bitch to Tyler. I mean, I know I can generally be a difficult person and I know that sometimes I’m not very nice to Tyler, but I don’t think I’m a bitch when it comes to him, am I? He gives as good as he gets, so it never feels like I’m truly being horrible to him. Now that I think about what’s going on his life, I actually feel bad for him.

Charlotte called me earlier and told me that Tyler showed up at her and Gavin’s house having a meltdown because he found out his dad wasn’t really his dad. I feel sorry for him, really I do. I just know that if I’m anywhere near him, I’m going to want to have sex with him. It’s like a sickness. I think I need a Tyler Twelve Step Program. Or shock therapy.

“Fine. What’s the plan? And where is he anyway?” I ask.

“He sort of jumped into the shower fully clothed. Gavin is getting him some dry clothes to put on. We don’t really have a plan other than getting him drunk to cheer him up. I wouldn’t normally suggest this, but maybe you could throw him a bone. Give him a little action. That would make him really happy,” Charlotte suggests.

“I’m sorry, but did I just enter the f**king Twilight Zone? You can’t stand Tyler! You’ve been telling me for months that I need to stay away from him,” I remind her.

“I know, I know. It’s just…I’ve never seen him like this. I feel awful for him. I know I told you I’d help you find a new guy, but maybe we should hold off on that for right now. Tyler really likes you and it might push him over the edge. I already called and cancelled your blind date for tonight.”

Great. Now that my sister is on Team Tyler, I’m never going to be able to quit him.

With a sigh, I get up from the couch and head into the kitchen. I start opening cupboards and pulling out bottles of liquor, lining them up on the counter. If we’re going to do this, we’re doing it right. Maybe if I get Tyler drunk enough, he’ll act like an idiot and I won’t be tempted to rip his clothes off.

“I don’t think I understand the game of this object. The game of this game. Fuck! I don’t think I should have any more vodka,” Charlotte slurs.

I’ve lost count of how many shots we’ve taken in the last hour. We decided to watch The Kardashians and take a drink every time one of them said ‘like’. Gavin is trying to get us to play a different game now.

I watch from my spot on the loveseat as Charlotte curls into Gavin’s side on the couch and he wraps his arm around her, pulling her close. Looking over at Tyler sitting on the floor in front of them with his chin resting on the coffee table, I wonder what it would be like to have the kind of relationship that Charlotte and Gavin have. They’re so in love it’s disgusting, but it’s also kind of nice. They always have someone to talk to and lean on. They have a best friend in each other and someone to come home to every day. Maybe I’ve been too hard on Tyler.

“I think we should play ‘Ava lets Tyler stick it in her ass’!” Tyler shouts excitedly.

Never mind.

“Exit only, moron,” I remind him.

“I let Gavin have anal. You should try it, Ava. It’s gooooooood,” Charlotte says with a laugh.

I can’t help but cringe. Seriously, there are just some things you should not know about your sister.