“Elijah,” I sighed heavily as my lips quivered. “I’m so sorry. I wish I could help you. Tell me what to do?” Tears streamed down my face. I told myself to be strong, but it wasn’t working.

Looking off to the side, I saw his leather jacket. Needing to hold it for comfort, I picked it up off the chair and put it on. “I’ll hold your pride and joy for you, so hurry and come back to me, okay?”

Slipping my hand into his, I placed it close to my heart as my eyes outlined his handsome face—memorizing the curve of his brows, his long eyelashes, his perfect nose, his kissable lips—memorizing him. I couldn’t stop staring at him. It felt like any minute now, his eyes would open. I wanted to be the first one he saw.

Caressing his face, I spoke to him softly. “I know you can hear me. I’m right here waiting for you. You promised me a home, a future, a family. We’ve only just begun. Please, Elijah,” I pleaded, bringing his hand to my cheek. As I kissed his knuckles, the tears escaped and I could taste the saltiness of them. Placing his hand down, I wiped my tears and gently snuggled into his shoulder.

“Seth told me what happened. What did I ever do to deserve someone like you? You amaze me with your voice, your talent, your generosity, and your love for life. There are no words to describe you and your beautiful heart. You took everything that was bad and turned it into good. You’ve taught me so much, and I don’t want you to stop. I want to see more of who you are. I need you. Your friends need you. Fight, damn it. Fight for me. Fight for us.”

Feeling drained, I closed my eyes and slipped my hands into his jacket to keep them warm. I felt something in the pocket crinkle. It was a sealed envelope addressed to me. Astounded by what I saw, I sat up and opened it.

My Dearest Alex,

If you’re reading this letter, it means that I’m either in really bad shape in the hospital or I’ve passed on and there are no words to tell you how sorry I am. I don’t even know where to start, so I’ll just tell you that I wrote this letter just in case something happened to me during this race.

You see, Alex, I’ve never been afraid of death until I met you. I’d lost so much that I didn’t care anymore. I lived day to day without a care in the world, but when you came into my life, you made me care.

We’ve both been lucky to be able to say good-bye to our loved ones, but sometimes you run out of luck. So just in case I never get to say good-bye, I thought this would be the best way. If I’m unconscious, just know I’ll be fighting with everything I have to come back to you. I’m fighting, Freckles. I’m fighting like hell because you’re everything to me. But if the worst has happened and I’m dead, I’m going to be so pissed that I’m not going to be the guy giving you everything you deserve. This also means that fate screwed me over again.

Alex, don’t be afraid to let me go. It’s okay to cry and let it all out. But you must promise me you’ll live your life. Life is too short. Be happy and make many wonderful memories. I’m going to be so jealous of the guy who will give you what I wanted to give you, but at the same time, I’ll be so happy for you. It will mean you’ve moved on and found someone new. I just know that no one will ever love you as much as I do. It’s not possible. My love for you is bigger than the moon, bigger than the universe, and I can’t imagine anything bigger than that.

I fell in love with you the second you said you were Alex. I fell in love with you more when you dunked your cookie in milk, and even more when you dumped water on me when you were mad at me. Who could ever forget that angelic voice and that smile?

Alex, I love everything about you. From the freckles you think are imperfect, to the faults I haven’t found yet (you wouldn’t be human if you didn’t have any) and all that is good about you. Everything about you brings me happiness, so I thank you for that. I’m only sorry it might be short-lived. You are the strongest and bravest person I know. You are also the most beautiful girl I’ve ever laid eyes on. Don’t you ever forget that!

I want the world for you, but I might not be there to give it to you. It hurts like hell that I might not be the one. Don’t be afraid to live, and don’t be afraid to let your dad go either. He’ll always be in your heart, just as I will. Replace the sad memories with better ones so that you’ll never have to be sad.

Sometimes life sucks big time. It takes you on a roller coaster ride, drags you through the mud, smears it on your face until it takes every bit of your air and you can’t breathe. Don’t ever let it take your beautiful smile away. Don’t ever let it stop you from being the beautiful person you are. Don’t ever let it stop you from seeing the beauty in the world.

You have one of the most generous, loving hearts and the best part is that you don’t even know it. That is the part of you I fell in love with the most. I wanted to take you to watch the sunset and drive off like Sandy and Danny from Grease, but I guess we might not ever get that chance. And that thought tears me apart. God I wish I could hold you right now!

Alex, I want to thank you for being my sunshine. When my brother and my mother passed away, I was completely dead inside, and even though I got through the days with the help from my friends, it wasn’t until you came into my life that I started to truly heal.

Knowing you were grieving just as much as I was made me want to help you, but in the process you were helping me, too. There is a saying that goes “People enter our lives for a reason. Some people stay for a short period and some people stay for longer. But no matter the length, they leave footprints on our hearts.” I guess I was meant to pass through your life quickly, and you should see it that way. It only means that someone else was meant to be your last.