And I think, for just a second, that maybe my heart can learn to love again.

SIXTEEN

JAKE

   We’re driving in my truck to the cemetery. Kayla’s sitting in the middle, her body tucked into mine like she can’t get close enough. I don’t mind—not even a little. Everyone else is in the minivan behind us. We’re going to skip the usual formalities of a funeral ceremony. I think Mom and Lisa understand that Kayla wants a quiet affair.

   When we pull up, I’m surprised at how many people are already there, then I remember that she did lose her entire family. I step out of the truck. She follows me, sliding out the driver’s side door. I offer my hand to help her out, and she doesn’t let go once she’s out. She’s wearing sunglasses and a simple black dress that Heidi brought over that morning. That girl thinks of everything.

   We wait for my parents to park behind us. Julie runs out of the car straight to a bunch of other girls. They must be from dance class, here for Emily. I see that asshole James, and some other kids our age grouped together. They look up when they notice Kayla’s here. James starts to walk toward us, but one of the guys pulls him back and says something close to his ear. Good move. I can see his fists ball at his sides as he glares at us.

   Lisa moves to Kayla’s other side and takes her hand as we walk up to the plots. I’d say there are over a hundred and fifty people here—grown-ups Mom’s and Dad’s age, some older adults, and kids Emily’s and Julie’s age. It looks like an entire classroom and their parents showed up. More kids our age are scattered throughout the crowd. Kayla doesn’t look up. She hasn’t said anything all day or acknowledged anyone. But she hasn’t let go of my hand.

   When we make it to our seats in front of the three caskets, she begins to shake with sobs. I pull her into me. I notice a group of kids no older than ten lined up in the front row. They’re in full Little League gear, some of them holding baseballs and gloves. I look at the large photos of her family propped in front of the caskets and realize it’s the first time I’ve seen her family. I hadn’t really wondered what they looked like. Her mom was stunning—she could pass as Kayla’s more Asian older sister. Kayla has an exotic look about her, but I had never asked why. And Julie was right—Emily definitely was a younger version of her, and she would have broken many hearts. Her dad was taller than her mom—in the family portrait, anyway. I wonder how tall he was in real life.

   I continue to look at the collage of photos. There’s one of the whole family and that asshole James, eating at a picnic table on the Fourth of July and laughing. There’s a photo of her dad standing front and center with kids all around him decked out in baseball gear. He’s holding one of the boys in his arms, who is lifting a trophy. All the kids have huge smiles on their faces—the kind of smile that only kids have, because nothing is ever going to be hard, and they haven’t yet experienced pain or heartbreak.

    Her dad coached Little League, huh?

   Then I see it—a picture of Kayla with her parents. Her mom is heavily pregnant, and her dad has one arm wrapped around her and the other around Kayla. Kayla is dressed in full baseball gear, bat in one hand and a trophy in the other. “MVP,” it says. She has a huge smile on her face. No shit.

   Lisa begins the ceremony with a short speech. The Little League team then throws their baseballs and gloves into her dad’s plot. I even see some police officers paying their respects—including Mendoza and the overweight cop. There are lots of tears and cries, but Kayla stays strong throughout. A few people come over to speak with her, but she mainly nods and tries to smile. She doesn’t leave my side.

   When most of the people have left, including my family and Lisa, I figure we should head home to prepare for the gathering. I notice a couple approaching us. Kayla notices them, too, and as they walk up she lets go of my hand to give them each a hug. She reaches for my hand again. The couple smiles sadly at Kayla. They look at me and our joined hands.

   Kayla clears her throat. “Sam, Henry, this is—”

   Sam interrupts her. “Hi, Jake,” she says, reaching out her hand. I shake it tentatively. “Kayla has told me so much about you.” She smiles warmly at me.

   This isn’t awkward at all.

   Henry—James’s dad, I’m assuming—shakes my hand, too. “Thank you for taking care of our girl, son,” he says and pats my shoulder.

   “Uh, it’s no problem, sir. She’s special, you know?”

   “Oh, we know,” Henry agrees. “It’s a shame our son couldn’t appreciate her and keep his dick in his pants.”

   I stifle a laugh and hear Kayla doing the same.

   “Come on, Henry.” Sam starts to drag him away. “We’ll keep in touch, dear,” she says, waving at Kayla.

   “Well, that was unexpected,” I mumble under my breath.

   “Not really. They’d love you, Jake.”

   We head home to the gathering. It already started without us. Fewer people are here than at the ceremony. We join my friends on the back patio. I think Kayla is a bit more relaxed now, because she’s keeping up conversation with the several people who come up to her.

   A girl I haven’t seen before approaches Kayla. “Hi, Mikayla,” she says in a mousy voice. “I’m really sorry about your loss.” She laughs uneasily. “What a shit thing to say—like you lost something but you’ll find it again.” She shakes her head.

   Kayla laughs. “Amanda, how are you?”

   “I’m okay. I’m not going to ask how you are, though.”

   Kayla laughs again, and it’s genuine.

   “I just came to say . . . I don’t know. Hey, you’ll be at UNC, right?”

   Kayla looks at me and smiles. “That’s the plan. I just have to work out some minor details.”

   “Cool,” Amanda says, nodding her head. “I’ll Facebook you my number. We should hang out sometime—maybe go on the prowl for guys who aren’t sucky, cheating dickfaces.” We all laugh.

   “Sounds amazing. I’ll call you. And thanks for coming.” Kayla smiles as Amanda walks back into the house.

   “I like her,” Heidi says.

   I do, too. But I can’t help thinking about what she said about going on the prowl. College is going to be completely different from here. She’ll have more friends and attention from other guys. I can’t help the jealousy that suddenly consumes me. But what can I do? Lock her in my room the whole damn day?

   Then it hits me. Where the fuck is Megan?

   Everyone has left except my friends. We’re talking on the back patio. The sun’s gone down so there’s a slight chill in the air. I light the little fire pit in the middle of the patio. I don’t think my friends will be leaving anytime soon, and Kayla seems to be happy about that since it probably takes her mind off things.