Jack took the news about his father’s conversations with my mother better than I had expected. He was still quiet, but he somehow seemed relieved that it wasn’t something even worse that had upset me. The rest of the funeral was uneventful. My parents and Sienna came again the second day, and even though I was pissed at my mother I was happy that she had come to support Jack.

Jenna came the second day again too. She must have exhausted her conservative wear, because her outfit the second day was not typical funeral attire. I watched as she turned every man’s head as she sauntered in, even my father’s, to my disgust. The woman oozed sex, but in a cheap and tawdry way that seemed to attract men in droves, yet repel women.

I hated how comfortable she was being physical with Jack. Jack was the type of man who intimidated people; unsolicited touches didn’t feel welcomed. Yet Jenna touched him in a way that was familiar, and every time I saw her touch him it reminded me that Jack had once been with her. I knew it was trite and childish to be jealous of a woman expressing her condolences at Jack’s father’s funeral, but I just couldn’t help myself around that woman.

***

I was due to rejoin the tour the day after the funeral, but Sienna was great and had already spoken to the tour manager and managed to get me a few extra days off. She was going to open for Double Strife solo, with one of the backup singers pitching in for the songs that needed two people.

Jack seemed relieved that I didn’t have to leave so soon, although he told me he was fine and I could go back if it was going to be a problem. I hadn’t really had a chance to think about what I would have done if the tour manager hadn’t given me a few extra days off, but I was certain that I wasn’t ready to go back quite that soon.

Things quieted down after the funeral, although Jack had to go into the office once for an emergency board meeting. Apparently, they had to elect an interim CFO to fill in for Jack’s father. I couldn’t imagine that they didn’t already have too many overpaid executives that they couldn’t have just held off a few more days to give Jack some time. But then again, I didn’t know much about boards or running an international company.

I tried to get Jack to talk about how he felt, but he just kept telling me he was fine. To an outsider, he may have even seemed fine, but something was still off. It was hard to put my finger on it, but something was different. He was quieter than usual and definitely less sexual. I didn’t expect him to jump back into normalcy after all that had happened. But I was hoping that he would at least acknowledge how he felt. But he didn’t, he just went on, steady and forward, never a tear shed. It worried me.

Maybe if I had felt like Jack had made some progress in the normal grieving process, I would have felt better about going back on tour. But a few days after the funeral, I was even more concerned about leaving. I thought about not rejoining the tour, but I couldn’t do that to Sienna. She was excited that I was coming back and had even admitted that playing solo to a crowd of the size she was having to entertain was a lot more difficult than she thought.

Jack took me to the airport the evening of my flight and I cried in his arms before I left. It was the closest I’d ever seen Jack come to crying when he looked at me and saw me so upset. His eyes welled up and he looked distraught, but he held it together. The tour still had almost six full weeks left and the schedule between shows was tight. I had thought it was bad enough to not see each other for six full weeks before Jack’s father died, but after everything Jack had been through, it was going to be torture to not be able to see him. Touch him. Hold him. Give him comfort when the day finally came and he needed it. Grief was a process, so I knew that day would eventually come. I just had no idea when.

Chapter 18

Getting back on stage in Spain the first night back on the tour was the easy part. Spending the rest of the day trying to focus on anything but Jack, alone, thousands of miles away, was the hard part. We spoke on the phone twice a day, once when I woke up and once before he went to bed. We seemed to fall back into the routine we had developed before his father had passed easily enough. But something still wasn’t right and I knew it.

I spent some of each day researching the grieving process and what I could do to help, but everything seemed to center around supporting the person and just being there when they needed you most. That was the difficult part. It was hard to accept that Jack might need me and I wouldn’t be there when the time came.

As if my internal struggle about being back on tour the first week wasn’t bad enough, Justin was being an ass**le too. He made a few snide comments about my taking advantage of the tour and not being there those few days I missed after Jack’s dad’s funeral. But most of the time he was drunk and ignoring me, which I had come to like better than being the target of his rude comments.

***

It was almost two in the morning in Spain before I called Jack for what would be my goodnight call and his morning call because of the time difference. The concert had lasted almost an hour later than planned, but then again it had also started an hour later since Justin had showed up later and drunker than usual.

“Hello.” At first I thought I had dialed the wrong number when I heard a woman’s voice on the other end of the phone. Then I realized who the voice belonged to. I cringed at the sound.

“Jenna?”

“Who else would answer Jack’s phone?” I envisioned Jenna’s wicked grin on her overly made up face as she spoke.

“I actually don’t know why anyone would answer Jack’s phone, Jenna?” I attempted to remain calm, using all the saccharin I could muster in my tone.

“I suppose I’m answering it because Jack isn’t here to answer it for himself, Sydney. He must have left it on my desk after our long talk.”

I wanted to jump through the phone and smack her. But the reality was I also wanted to know what their long talk was about, and my mother had taught me well that you get more from honey than vinegar.

“Well then, thank you for picking it up. I’m sure he will be looking for it soon.”

“Of course. Whatever I can do to help Jack. I’ll always be here when he needs me. He’s been so down after his father’s untimely death, and I really think our little talks help him.”

It felt like an arrow had pierced through my heart. The thought of Jack turning to Jenna for comfort made me physically sick to my stomach. But what did I expect, I knew he had been struggling since his father’s death, and what did I do to help him? I’d flown off to Europe and left him in the hands of a  p**n  star who would like nothing more than to give him comfort, in more ways than one.