Justin turned his attention to me. “Sometimes you take what you can get.”

“That’s not true. You guys can get whatever you want.”

Justin poured a shot of tequila and handed it to me. I took it, knowing I probably shouldn’t after all I had already drank. But Justin and I had finally started to get along again and I didn’t want to turn him down.

“Not whatever we want, Syd.” Justin held up his shot and motioned cheers and I watched as the liquid disappeared down his throat in one long swallow. Justin truly was a handsome man, chiseled features with a rock star edge that easily elevated his status to swoon-worthy for his female fans. I swallowed my shot and it dawned on me as my head became fuzzy that Justin could have brought any of the women who had been hanging on him all night back to the bus, but he hadn’t.

I handed Justin my empty shot glass. “Couldn’t find one that you wanted tonight?” My words came out slightly slurred.

Justin’s face moved closer to mine, as if he was going to tell me a secret. “Oh, there was one that I wanted tonight.” His voice was a low whisper, his words spoken with intimacy.

It must have been the tequila slowing my brain, but it wasn’t until that moment that I realized what he meant. I raised my eyes and found Justin’s eyes searing into me, blazing with desire. It made my breath hitch unexpectedly and Justin noticed it.

I watched as he looked from my eyes to my mouth and then back to my eyes again. Then he leaned in and kissed me. It all happened in slow motion, yet so fast that it took me a second to realize what was happening. Between my brain swimming in tequila and the softness of his lips on mine, I may have taken a second too long before pulling away. But I did pull away.

“I’m sorry, Justin, I can’t. I’m in love with Jack.” My words were brutally honest and I hadn’t thought about what to say — the words just fell out of my mouth.

I watched as the gentleness in Justin’s eyes changed from desire to hurt, and his tender face contorted into anger. “You’re a f**king tease, Sydney.”

“What?” I was surprised at his words, but even more shocked at the venom that spilled from his tone. I was halfway to drunk, but I knew Justin was barely buzzed so it definitely wasn’t the alcohol talking.

“You sit there and flirt with me all night like you’re innocent and then when I react, you tell me you’re in love with the  p**n  king.”

His words hit me like a slap in the face. I didn’t really care if he called me names, but talking badly about Jack was not something I could sit there and listen to. I was just about to speak when Justin stood, looking down at me as he spoke.

“I knew he looked familiar but I couldn’t place his face until I saw the news a few weeks ago. He looked mighty cozy with the  p**n  queen. How long do you think it will last before he goes back to a pro, Syd?”

And with those parting hurtful words that roiled in my stomach, Justin stomped back to the bunks and left me sitting on the couch with my head spinning.

***

The next few weeks were rough. I was growing tired of being on a bus and tired of avoiding Justin. The day after Justin kissed me on the bus, I contemplated talking to him, clearing the air between us when we were sober and trying to move forward. But Justin didn’t have time to talk after that. He had a new girl every night from there on, sometimes more than one at a time, and other days more than once a day. I was just grateful that their bus had been fixed quickly or I would have had to have disinfected the bus on a daily basis, sometimes more than once a day.

For his part, Justin seemed to steer clear of me too, which was more than fine with me. I didn’t know if Justin had told Kyle about what had happened, but I could tell the way that he looked between the two of us on occasion that he knew something had occurred. I had confided in Sienna the next day, and then thrown around the idea of being honest with Jack about what had happened. But after a day of thinking it over I decided it was probably best to keep it to myself until I saw him again in person. Nothing had really happened in the end anyway. And telling Jack would only make him upset, leaving him to wonder what I was doing each night we were apart. It was definitely a conversation that needed to be had in person, rather than on the phone separated by thousands of miles.

Chapter 15

The first night I was back in New York for my planned visit home was surreal. At first, it was odd to go home to Jack’s instead of where I had lived when I’d left for the tour. I wondered if it would feel weird to walk in and out without knocking and if it would ever feel like my old apartment had to me. In the nine weeks that I had been gone, Jack had moved me out of my apartment and into his. Although I had technically lived with him for a few months, I hadn’t stayed there since I had been just a guest before I left.

Even though my break was only four days, we spent the whole first day and night in bed together. We ordered in for food, but other than that we didn’t see another soul for 24 hours. We didn’t even turn on the television. It was just me and Jack, and it warmed my heart to feel that he didn’t want to share me as much as I didn’t want to share him that first day.

The second night I was home was the night of the AVN Awards. I was nervous about the night and had no idea what to expect. Jack told me the event was run like any other awards ceremony, beginning with a red carpet and ending with various parties thrown by the industry. The only difference, according to Jack, was that the performers receiving awards were adult film stars instead of mainstream celebrities. But being that I had never been to either a mainstream celebrity award show or an adult entertainment award show, I was a bundle of nerves as I got ready.

I looked in the mirror one final time before leaving the bathroom, excitement mixing with my nerves. I knew I looked good, but it didn’t help to calm the jitters I had about being in a room filled with beautiful people with perfect bodies. Jack stepped into the bedroom from the living room at the same moment I entered the bedroom from the master bathroom. What I saw took my breath away.

Jack’s normally disheveled — but in a completely sexy way — hair, was slicked back in a look that conjured up a celebrity from fifty years ago. He looked like he had just stepped out of a Cary Grant movie in his perfectly-tailored tuxedo, with a black bow tie and crisp white fitted shirt. He was always jaw-droppingly handsome, but that night he was beyond spectacular. He looked like a celebrity of yesteryear, the kind that people put up on a pedestal for their classic good looks.